Are there ANY over-25 virgins on Wrong Planet? Or just me?

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Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 615

25 Jul 2010, 4:19 am

She actually emailed me from her holiday! I felt so happy! It made my weekend! I said that I'd be delighted to catch up anytime after she gets back. I'm taking the fact that she took the initiative as a very good sign. I sent her another email back straight away, saying thankyou so much for the message, and that I missed her lots, and I'd love to see you when you return! :lol:

faithfilly
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25 Jul 2010, 7:23 am

Sabu wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

Am I the only one? I used to think that all Aspies were late starters in relationships. But apparently, its just me. I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, only ever hugged a girl. So is it just me? Am I the only person over 25 here who has NO experience at all with women? And isn't looking for just any old one night stand, but a lasting relationship?

You can count me as one like you, hopeless with women and 25 years old and a virgin and never been in a relationship. Basically same case as yours

Sabu, I've got to say it can't be because of your looks. You are an amazingly attractive guy (if that's you in the avatar photo). I would think a lady would melt in your arms.

P.S. - I'm a female, but am 30 yrs. older than you and married.

_________________
"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2

n4mwd
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25 Jul 2010, 7:41 am

Adam82 wrote:

The problem with email is that you can say something simple, but she might read it the wrong way and think you hate her. That's why getting her phone number is so important. Dump email and texts ASAP.

Heck, about a year ago a local girl and a guy (both about 15) got twisted around in bad text miscommunications. It got so bad that the boy actually tried to kill her and caused permanent brain damage. Now he's in jail and she's a veggie. So I say again - use the phone or meet in person and dump email.

Having said all that, it is a good thing that she thought enough about you to email you during her holiday. Make sure your next email to her is your cell phone number. See if she calls it.

But like I said before, the main goal now is to get her to be your girlfriend. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with her, but it does mean that you can kiss each other and put your arms around her so that when she thinks of the word "boyfriend" she thinks of you. But you need to move quickly because a beautiful girl isn't going to stay unattached forever.

Adam82
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29 Jul 2010, 4:45 am

n4mwd wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

The problem with email is that you can say something simple, but she might read it the wrong way and think you hate her. That's why getting her phone number is so important. Dump email and texts ASAP.

Heck, about a year ago a local girl and a guy (both about 15) got twisted around in bad text miscommunications. It got so bad that the boy actually tried to kill her and caused permanent brain damage. Now he's in jail and she's a veggie. So I say again - use the phone or meet in person and dump email.

Having said all that, it is a good thing that she thought enough about you to email you during her holiday. Make sure your next email to her is your cell phone number. See if she calls it.

But like I said before, the main goal now is to get her to be your girlfriend. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with her, but it does mean that you can kiss each other and put your arms around her so that when she thinks of the word "boyfriend" she thinks of you. But you need to move quickly because a beautiful girl isn't going to stay unattached forever.

Bingo. This email communication is just not working for me. I need to arrange to see her in person. You can't adequately express your feelings in words alone. I haven't actually received a rejection yet (she's been very friendly), so I intend to keep pursuing this.

JonSM99
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Joined: 27 Jul 2010
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Location: Seattle, WA

29 Jul 2010, 5:12 am

I was just shy of 27 the first time I had sex. I was 26 the first time I kissed a girl, and I was so shy that despite wanting to kiss her many times before, I couldn't do it until she kissed me (and went into panic mode for a while before I calmed down and realized I liked it). I was also very bad at reading the signals and am still learning.

Shyness (not to be confused with introversion) can be overcome. Look up the Social Anxiety Institute email list. I found a great social anxiety therapy group from that which got me through much of my shyness. It takes real work, but it's doable.

I like being touched but am *very* reluctant to touch other people unless I'm absolutely sure it's ok. Some light touches like suggested above are good--they indicate some interest or friendliness, and unconsciously give people warmer feelings toward you. A brief hand on the shoulder or arm, once in a long while I might use a finger to look at a girl's earring and compliment her on it, a hand on the small of her back...these kind of touches are generally helpful I think and casual enough not to be taken as aggressive or threatening.

I've taken a flirting class once and learned some of the physical cues or reactions people have when they like someone. Raised eyebrows, a full/natural smile, good eye contact. There are things men and women both do without realizing it when they want to impress a person, like calling attention to their breasts or genitals. There's something called mirroring where, when people like each other, they start to imitate each other's physical gestures. Scratching your face or taking a drink of water, for example. There's also some Freudian-sounding stuff that when people play with their hair, neck/necklaces, lips, etc; they're subconsciously imagining/wanting you to touch them there.

I think learning how to get anywhere romantically is about the hardest thing we have to do in life, but keep practicing and gaining experience at it and you'll slowly learn and feel more confident with it.

n4mwd
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29 Jul 2010, 6:33 am

JonSM99 wrote:

...Shyness (not to be confused with introversion) can be overcome. Look up the Social Anxiety Institute email list. I found a great social anxiety therapy group from that which got me through much of my shyness. It takes real work, but it's doable.

I like being touched but am *very* reluctant to touch other people unless I'm absolutely sure it's ok. Some light touches like suggested above are good--they indicate some interest or friendliness, and unconsciously give people warmer feelings toward you. A brief hand on the shoulder or arm, once in a long while I might use a finger to look at a girl's earring and compliment her on it, a hand on the small of her back...these kind of touches are generally helpful I think and casual enough not to be taken as aggressive or threatening.

I've taken a flirting class once and learned some of the physical cues or reactions people have when they like someone. Raised eyebrows, a full/natural smile, good eye contact. There are things men and women both do without realizing it when they want to impress a person, like calling attention to their breasts or genitals. There's something called mirroring where, when people like each other, they start to imitate each other's physical gestures. Scratching your face or taking a drink of water, for example. There's also some Freudian-sounding stuff that when people play with their hair, neck/necklaces, lips, etc; they're subconsciously imagining/wanting you to touch them there.

I think learning how to get anywhere romantically is about the hardest thing we have to do in life, but keep practicing and gaining experience at it and you'll slowly learn and feel more confident with it.

Thanks Jon, that was some good info.

JonSM99
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Joined: 27 Jul 2010
Age: 47
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Posts: 40
Location: Seattle, WA

29 Jul 2010, 6:44 am

Cool!

-KB2IFD

Cad
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29 Jul 2010, 7:52 am

Hector wrote:

There was a virginity poll on the Adult Autism Issues forum where it transpired that the majority of those polled had lost their virginity by their mid-20s, even among the men (who were asked separately from the women). There's a significant minority who seem to have great trouble having any sort of relationship, some in middle-age, and you tend to see many of them on the Love and Dating section in particular. In conclusion, this particular section may give a distorted impression.

Ooh wow. I am not middle aged and I am a virgin, I've had 3 serious boyfriends I can and about 8 relationships in total but no sex...

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