Are there ANY over-25 virgins on Wrong Planet? Or just me?

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Adam82
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19 Jul 2010, 8:53 am

KaiG wrote:
I'm 23 next month, and I've never had even the tiniest romantic contact with a girl. No holding hands, no kissing, no dating, no cuddling, no sex, no nothing. I've been frustrated by this state of affairs for years, but I just don't know how to fix it. I want companionship and someone to do things with, not simply to lose my virginity, which I'm sure I probably could do if I went clubbing or something, and sacrificed everything that makes me me.


I admire you for this. I'm the same way. I want someone I actually love, not just a 'hey, you'll do' at some club. You're actually very mature about it, in a way.

Don't worry. I've a few years on top of you, and I'm in the same boat you are. :cry:



Kiseki
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19 Jul 2010, 11:39 am

KaiG wrote:
I'm 23 next month, and I've never had even the tiniest romantic contact with a girl. No holding hands, no kissing, no dating, no cuddling, no sex, no nothing. I've been frustrated by this state of affairs for years, but I just don't know how to fix it. I want companionship and someone to do things with, not simply to lose my virginity, which I'm sure I probably could do if I went clubbing or something, and sacrificed everything that makes me me.


Yeah, lemme tell you that drunken encounters with strangers are meaningless and full of no feeling. I want the same thing you want but it seems so difficult to connect with people. I can't fathom 1 person liking someone and the other person liking them back. This seems miraculous to me, yet it happens for everyone else.



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19 Jul 2010, 11:55 am

Kiseki wrote:
KaiG wrote:
I'm 23 next month, and I've never had even the tiniest romantic contact with a girl. No holding hands, no kissing, no dating, no cuddling, no sex, no nothing. I've been frustrated by this state of affairs for years, but I just don't know how to fix it. I want companionship and someone to do things with, not simply to lose my virginity, which I'm sure I probably could do if I went clubbing or something, and sacrificed everything that makes me me.


Yeah, lemme tell you that drunken encounters with strangers are meaningless and full of no feeling. I want the same thing you want but it seems so difficult to connect with people. I can't fathom 1 person liking someone and the other person liking them back. This seems miraculous to me, yet it happens for everyone else.


I'm permanently out of the dating scene, so I'm not all that concerned about it. But I do have to wonder: Is it REALLY that easy to pick up a random girl at a club to get laid? Where I've lived and gone to college didn't have an active "club" scene, although there were no shortages of bars, etc. When I go to bars now, I hardly see any interaction between people that came there alone. It's like, ok, I've got my girlfriend, so we're going out to the bar dancing. I've always wondered how it is complete strangers get to know each other, and it's hard for me to imagine how something like that can lead so quickly to a one-nighter.



nick007
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19 Jul 2010, 12:22 pm

I'm 27 & a virgin. I had NO relationship experience at all with women till I was 20 & that was a mostly online thing & I had NO luck at all finding someone sense except for bad. Your NOT alone on this OP


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Kiseki
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19 Jul 2010, 12:33 pm

AngelRho wrote:
I'm permanently out of the dating scene, so I'm not all that concerned about it. But I do have to wonder: Is it REALLY that easy to pick up a random girl at a club to get laid? Where I've lived and gone to college didn't have an active "club" scene, although there were no shortages of bars, etc. When I go to bars now, I hardly see any interaction between people that came there alone. It's like, ok, I've got my girlfriend, so we're going out to the bar dancing. I've always wondered how it is complete strangers get to know each other, and it's hard for me to imagine how something like that can lead so quickly to a one-nighter.


It seems easy for everyone else. Many of my friends have done it, but I personally don't get it. I guess you have to be REALLY horny or something. I'm too much of a romantic.



Slipperman
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19 Jul 2010, 8:31 pm

30, still a virgin, never even had a real girlfriend, and probably never will. :cry:

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19 Jul 2010, 8:57 pm

I think the problem isn't that it's so 'easy' for NTs but that NTs aren't that careful about who they date.

Leaving aside AS for the moment...ever noticed how many relationships end in disaster? That tells me people aren't careful about who they got with in the first place.



KaiG
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19 Jul 2010, 9:06 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
I think the problem isn't that it's so 'easy' for NTs but that NTs aren't that careful about who they date.

Leaving aside AS for the moment...ever noticed how many relationships end in disaster? That tells me people aren't careful about who they got with in the first place.

Oh, I don't know. Every relationship is bound to be a learning experience. The difference seems to me to be that NTs are more likely to enjoy the social process of dating itself, whereas Aspies tend to be working towards the end result (ie. a relationship, companionship, etc). Therefore, NTs are happier to give people a try, live in the moment, go out on a limb, etc.


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Kiseki
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19 Jul 2010, 11:17 pm

KaiG wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
I think the problem isn't that it's so 'easy' for NTs but that NTs aren't that careful about who they date.

Leaving aside AS for the moment...ever noticed how many relationships end in disaster? That tells me people aren't careful about who they got with in the first place.

Oh, I don't know. Every relationship is bound to be a learning experience. The difference seems to me to be that NTs are more likely to enjoy the social process of dating itself, whereas Aspies tend to be working towards the end result (ie. a relationship, companionship, etc). Therefore, NTs are happier to give people a try, live in the moment, go out on a limb, etc.


I agree with this. I find no reason to waste my free time, energy and emotions on someone I don't have a SERIOUS connection with. Considering Ive only felt this kind of connection like once in my life and it was futile from the get-go, well...



CrinklyCrustacean
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20 Jul 2010, 1:47 am

Hector wrote:
It's nice to have someone you're interested in, but don't limit yourself to one person until you're actually dating that person. You are, statistically speaking, much less likely to succeed if you focus on charming one person at a time rather than several people at once.


What if you're attracted to only one person at a time?



Hector
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20 Jul 2010, 2:05 am

I think you should work on that, if possible. If not then that tendency may prove itself to be a handicap, if it hasn't already.



Adam82
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20 Jul 2010, 2:59 am

Kiseki wrote:
KaiG wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
I think the problem isn't that it's so 'easy' for NTs but that NTs aren't that careful about who they date.

Leaving aside AS for the moment...ever noticed how many relationships end in disaster? That tells me people aren't careful about who they got with in the first place.

Oh, I don't know. Every relationship is bound to be a learning experience. The difference seems to me to be that NTs are more likely to enjoy the social process of dating itself, whereas Aspies tend to be working towards the end result (ie. a relationship, companionship, etc). Therefore, NTs are happier to give people a try, live in the moment, go out on a limb, etc.


I agree with this. I find no reason to waste my free time, energy and emotions on someone I don't have a SERIOUS connection with. Considering Ive only felt this kind of connection like once in my life and it was futile from the get-go, well...


Yes. I agree with this. NTs seem to be able to live in the moment and enjoy the dating/courtship process. I don't. I'm always looking at the big picture: a serious relationship. Love is a massive emotional investment. I've been in unrequited love many times, and it hurts so much, and I don't want that to ever happen again; so I keep people at arm's length, unless I really do feel there may be a special connection there. I don't want to get burned again.



CrinklyCrustacean
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20 Jul 2010, 5:32 am

Hector wrote:
I think you should work on that, if possible. If not then that tendency may prove itself to be a handicap, if it hasn't already.


How? I can't help whom I like. It's not like a job application where you apply to anything and everything just to get something and then work towards a bigger goal. I'm not going to date someone I'm not interested in just for the sake of having a date - that to me is a waste of time and only leads them on. In any case, if there's no mutual romantic interest then it's just platonic socialising. It's not a date to me. I can't pretend to fancy someone "just in case".

Sorry if this comes off a bit harsh; I know you mean well but comments like these really irk me. They imply I should be able to turn my attraction towards someone on and off like a switch. Unfortunately emotions don't always work like that. Have I misunderstood you?



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20 Jul 2010, 6:01 am

Although I wasn't in my twenties I was much later then everyone else I knew. I'd kissed a few girls too but many times in my teens it was dare or spin the bottle games that I'd found myself in.
I didn't actually have my one and only relationship, and have regular sex (and more importantly, affection) until I'd just turned 24.

You should be up front and ask her out for that coffee - it's easier said than done when you have issues like these but if you don't start things how long will you be waiting? It took 10 years of waiting before meeting my ex and her instigating a relationship with me and could easily have been longer had I not gone to that birthday party where I met her.
If you have possitive contact and think she likes you then there's no better time to 'bite the bullet'.



CrinklyCrustacean
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20 Jul 2010, 6:10 am

Mark198423 wrote:
It took 10 years of waiting before meeting my ex and her instigating a relationship with me and could easily have been longer had I not gone to that birthday party where I met her.
If you have possitive contact and think she likes you then there's no better time to 'bite the bullet'.


I know where you're coming from, but presumably you were interested in her too? That's the crunch point for me. If I'm not interested I won't go out with them, which is what Hector seems to imply I should do. I mean...that's just common sense on my part, no? Of course if I'm interested in her then I should do something - that's a totally reasonable thing to suggest. :) Since you mentioned coffee, is inviting a girl out to coffee always seen as a date or does it depend on how you ask? If a girl invited me to coffee I'd assume she wanted to know me better but I probably wouldn't consider romantic connotations unless she was obviously hitting on me.

Sorry again for my bluntness - I'm not trying to be rude.