Are there ANY over-25 virgins on Wrong Planet? Or just me?

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Adam82
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23 Jul 2010, 7:00 am

n4mwd wrote:
If you wait that long, she will assume you aren't interested. Didn't you say she was beautiful? Do you think you are the only guy that has noticed that?

Just send her your phone number as I said before. That's not stalkerish if you are requesting her to call you. She can either call you or not - its her choice. She no longer works with you so she knows calling you isn't "required" by the job.

You sound a lot like me when I was your age. The "fine line" you are talking about is the line between an acquaintance and a girlfriend. You need to find out quickly if she is GF material or not and If she doesn't want to be your GF, then you need to stop wasting time with her. In that case, start looking for someone else.

But if she calls you from her trip, you need to move full speed ahead.


Yes, I did tell her she was beautiful. And I meant it. I am probably not the only guy that has noticed this. I am terrible at maintaining the balance between trying to appear interested, and yet trying not to appear too desperate. I last talked to her via email 4 days ago. Is that too long?

And yes, we no longer work together, at least for the moment (there may be another contract at some point), so if I sent her my number, she'd have no bones about the fact that I must be interested, because I can't claim that its for work-related reasons. She and I are friends by this point, and I feel very comfortable around her. She surely must know I care about her by now, because us guys aren't usually very subtle with the body language when we're attracted to somebody.

What have I got to lose? I may as well just do it. Sooner rather than later. If she only wants me as a friend, I'm fine with that. I just want to know, so I can either pursue her, or just move on, and just be friends.



WeatherFreak
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23 Jul 2010, 10:14 am

Chronos wrote:
I think a better question would be, is there anyone over 25 on WrongPlanet who isn't a virgin.

You'd get far less hands.


Puts his hand up :oops:

Though don't get too excited about sex , if you pick a bad one sex can put you off sex haha. Like one of my old gf's stank worse than a dead animal



n4mwd
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23 Jul 2010, 11:35 am

WeatherFreak wrote:
Though don't get too excited about sex , if you pick a bad one sex can put you off sex haha. Like one of my old gf's stank worse than a dead animal


That's when you politely say " Lets take a shower together." Then scrub her down to suit you. And she'll scrub you.



n4mwd
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23 Jul 2010, 11:45 am

Adam82 wrote:
What have I got to lose? I may as well just do it. Sooner rather than later. If she only wants me as a friend, I'm fine with that. I just want to know, so I can either pursue her, or just move on, and just be friends.


Yes, just send her your number with an invitation to call you. See what she does. But make sure that your email doesn't come off like its some kind of ultimatum. The email should convey the fact that its personal so she doesn't think your calling to offer her another contract or something. That was why I added the line "I enjoy hearing the sound of your voice."



Adam82
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24 Jul 2010, 7:01 pm

^Good call. I must make it non work-related, and not an ultimatum. It's hard to convey your meaning precisely in the form of an email, so this is exactly why I need her number!



Adam82
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25 Jul 2010, 4:19 am

She actually emailed me from her holiday! I felt so happy! It made my weekend! I said that I'd be delighted to catch up anytime after she gets back. I'm taking the fact that she took the initiative as a very good sign. I sent her another email back straight away, saying thankyou so much for the message, and that I missed her lots, and I'd love to see you when you return! :lol:



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25 Jul 2010, 7:23 am

Sabu wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
Am I the only one? I used to think that all Aspies were late starters in relationships. But apparently, its just me. I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, only ever hugged a girl. So is it just me? Am I the only person over 25 here who has NO experience at all with women? And isn't looking for just any old one night stand, but a lasting relationship?


You can count me as one like you, hopeless with women and 25 years old and a virgin and never been in a relationship. Basically same case as yours :(


Sabu, I've got to say it can't be because of your looks. You are an amazingly attractive guy (if that's you in the avatar photo). I would think a lady would melt in your arms.

P.S. - I'm a female, but am 30 yrs. older than you and married.


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"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2


n4mwd
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25 Jul 2010, 7:41 am

Adam82 wrote:
She actually emailed me from her holiday! I felt so happy! It made my weekend! I said that I'd be delighted to catch up anytime after she gets back. I'm taking the fact that she took the initiative as a very good sign. I sent her another email back straight away, saying thankyou so much for the message, and that I missed her lots, and I'd love to see you when you return! :lol:


The problem with email is that you can say something simple, but she might read it the wrong way and think you hate her. That's why getting her phone number is so important. Dump email and texts ASAP.

Heck, about a year ago a local girl and a guy (both about 15) got twisted around in bad text miscommunications. It got so bad that the boy actually tried to kill her and caused permanent brain damage. Now he's in jail and she's a veggie. So I say again - use the phone or meet in person and dump email.

Having said all that, it is a good thing that she thought enough about you to email you during her holiday. Make sure your next email to her is your cell phone number. See if she calls it.

But like I said before, the main goal now is to get her to be your girlfriend. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with her, but it does mean that you can kiss each other and put your arms around her so that when she thinks of the word "boyfriend" she thinks of you. But you need to move quickly because a beautiful girl isn't going to stay unattached forever.



Adam82
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29 Jul 2010, 4:45 am

n4mwd wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
She actually emailed me from her holiday! I felt so happy! It made my weekend! I said that I'd be delighted to catch up anytime after she gets back. I'm taking the fact that she took the initiative as a very good sign. I sent her another email back straight away, saying thankyou so much for the message, and that I missed her lots, and I'd love to see you when you return! :lol:


The problem with email is that you can say something simple, but she might read it the wrong way and think you hate her. That's why getting her phone number is so important. Dump email and texts ASAP.

Heck, about a year ago a local girl and a guy (both about 15) got twisted around in bad text miscommunications. It got so bad that the boy actually tried to kill her and caused permanent brain damage. Now he's in jail and she's a veggie. So I say again - use the phone or meet in person and dump email.

Having said all that, it is a good thing that she thought enough about you to email you during her holiday. Make sure your next email to her is your cell phone number. See if she calls it.

But like I said before, the main goal now is to get her to be your girlfriend. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with her, but it does mean that you can kiss each other and put your arms around her so that when she thinks of the word "boyfriend" she thinks of you. But you need to move quickly because a beautiful girl isn't going to stay unattached forever.


Bingo. This email communication is just not working for me. I need to arrange to see her in person. You can't adequately express your feelings in words alone. I haven't actually received a rejection yet (she's been very friendly), so I intend to keep pursuing this.



JonSM99
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29 Jul 2010, 5:12 am

I was just shy of 27 the first time I had sex. I was 26 the first time I kissed a girl, and I was so shy that despite wanting to kiss her many times before, I couldn't do it until she kissed me (and went into panic mode for a while before I calmed down and realized I liked it). I was also very bad at reading the signals and am still learning.

Shyness (not to be confused with introversion) can be overcome. Look up the Social Anxiety Institute email list. I found a great social anxiety therapy group from that which got me through much of my shyness. It takes real work, but it's doable.

I like being touched but am *very* reluctant to touch other people unless I'm absolutely sure it's ok. Some light touches like suggested above are good--they indicate some interest or friendliness, and unconsciously give people warmer feelings toward you. A brief hand on the shoulder or arm, once in a long while I might use a finger to look at a girl's earring and compliment her on it, a hand on the small of her back...these kind of touches are generally helpful I think and casual enough not to be taken as aggressive or threatening.

I've taken a flirting class once and learned some of the physical cues or reactions people have when they like someone. Raised eyebrows, a full/natural smile, good eye contact. There are things men and women both do without realizing it when they want to impress a person, like calling attention to their breasts or genitals. There's something called mirroring where, when people like each other, they start to imitate each other's physical gestures. Scratching your face or taking a drink of water, for example. There's also some Freudian-sounding stuff that when people play with their hair, neck/necklaces, lips, etc; they're subconsciously imagining/wanting you to touch them there.

I think learning how to get anywhere romantically is about the hardest thing we have to do in life, but keep practicing and gaining experience at it and you'll slowly learn and feel more confident with it.



n4mwd
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29 Jul 2010, 6:33 am

JonSM99 wrote:
...Shyness (not to be confused with introversion) can be overcome. Look up the Social Anxiety Institute email list. I found a great social anxiety therapy group from that which got me through much of my shyness. It takes real work, but it's doable.

I like being touched but am *very* reluctant to touch other people unless I'm absolutely sure it's ok. Some light touches like suggested above are good--they indicate some interest or friendliness, and unconsciously give people warmer feelings toward you. A brief hand on the shoulder or arm, once in a long while I might use a finger to look at a girl's earring and compliment her on it, a hand on the small of her back...these kind of touches are generally helpful I think and casual enough not to be taken as aggressive or threatening.

I've taken a flirting class once and learned some of the physical cues or reactions people have when they like someone. Raised eyebrows, a full/natural smile, good eye contact. There are things men and women both do without realizing it when they want to impress a person, like calling attention to their breasts or genitals. There's something called mirroring where, when people like each other, they start to imitate each other's physical gestures. Scratching your face or taking a drink of water, for example. There's also some Freudian-sounding stuff that when people play with their hair, neck/necklaces, lips, etc; they're subconsciously imagining/wanting you to touch them there.

I think learning how to get anywhere romantically is about the hardest thing we have to do in life, but keep practicing and gaining experience at it and you'll slowly learn and feel more confident with it.


Thanks Jon, that was some good info.



JonSM99
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29 Jul 2010, 6:44 am

Cool! :)

-KB2IFD



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29 Jul 2010, 7:52 am

Hector wrote:
There was a virginity poll on the Adult Autism Issues forum where it transpired that the majority of those polled had lost their virginity by their mid-20s, even among the men (who were asked separately from the women). There's a significant minority who seem to have great trouble having any sort of relationship, some in middle-age, and you tend to see many of them on the Love and Dating section in particular. In conclusion, this particular section may give a distorted impression.


Ooh wow. I am not middle aged and I am a virgin, I've had 3 serious boyfriends I can and about 8 relationships in total but no sex...