Could guys really be avoiding me due to this?

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KaiG
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09 Aug 2010, 10:34 am

This all reminds me of this scene from Chuck:

Sarah Walker: That's funny.
Chuck: Well, I'm a funny guy.
Sarah: Clearly! Which is good, because I am not funny.
Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...
Sarah: Oh, plenty... believe me.
Chuck: I was thinking "either she's a cannibal, or she's really not that funny," and I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I'd never met one before...
Sarah: Uh, not a cannibal, but I did just come out of a long relationship, so I may come with baggage.
Chuck: Well, I could be your very own baggage handler.
[awkward silence]


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blue_bean
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09 Aug 2010, 10:24 pm

happymusic wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
Alterego: there has to be something wrong with you
Alterego: pretty, brain, job, can end a relationship without go crazy
Alterego: doesnt sound right :P


There he goes again.

He doesn't know about my other two relationships and how they went yet :twisted:


Yeah, he seems to lack a little creativity in his flirting - or maybe he's the type who actively seeks out flaws in women.

Blue_bean, I think it's time you told him you have a tail.


Certainly doesn't resemble flirting to me. More like a deliberate effort to make me unsure of myself with a hint of flirtation, to get me to open up and tell him what's wrong. If he's so focused on finding the negatives, what's he gonna be like when he does find them? :?



JLee50
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10 Aug 2010, 1:47 am

Tiggurix wrote:
happymusic wrote:
And usually I think most people are put off (or at least hesitant of getting involved) by a single woman with kids.

I've never understood that. Why is that so?


My reason? I want a relationship to start with one person...not two, three, four...etc...plus kids will likely take priority (not that there's anything wrong with that, but another thing I don't want to deal with).

KaiG wrote:
This all reminds me of this scene from Chuck:

Sarah Walker: That's funny.
Chuck: Well, I'm a funny guy.
Sarah: Clearly! Which is good, because I am not funny.
Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...
Sarah: Oh, plenty... believe me.
Chuck: I was thinking "either she's a cannibal, or she's really not that funny," and I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I'd never met one before...
Sarah: Uh, not a cannibal, but I did just come out of a long relationship, so I may come with baggage.
Chuck: Well, I could be your very own baggage handler.
[awkward silence]

lmfao I love that show...



ladyrain
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10 Aug 2010, 3:37 pm

blue_bean wrote:
happymusic wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
Quote:
Alterego: there has to be something wrong with you
Alterego: pretty, brain, job, can end a relationship without go crazy
Alterego: doesnt sound right :P


There he goes again.

He doesn't know about my other two relationships and how they went yet :twisted:


Yeah, he seems to lack a little creativity in his flirting - or maybe he's the type who actively seeks out flaws in women.

Blue_bean, I think it's time you told him you have a tail.


Certainly doesn't resemble flirting to me. More like a deliberate effort to make me unsure of myself with a hint of flirtation, to get me to open up and tell him what's wrong. If he's so focused on finding the negatives, what's he gonna be like when he does find them? :?


Tell him the truth : that you're perplexed by his negative approach. Ask him why he doesn't have 3 kids, and what's wrong with him.

Apart from the 4 arms and a tail, which are always good ones to have :), don't get drawn into listing your flaws - we all have them, including him, and you could be right, you may have already noticed a major one.



blue_bean
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17 Aug 2010, 9:02 am

He just asked me out for lunch :eew:



spongy
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17 Aug 2010, 11:43 am

blue_bean wrote:
He just asked me out for lunch :eew:


If you don´t want to go out with him try telling him what you wrote in your post before, the whole looking for flaws before a relationship has even started is a major issue and he should know that.

If he declares he was only flirting tell him that the kind of flirting he used putted you off and you refuse to go out.


Try being as polite as you can and everything should be fine unless the guy is a dick upon which case he probably deserves whatever you do after telling him nicely you don´t want to go out with him.



wrathofnero
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17 Aug 2010, 1:23 pm

Well, being as I am new to this whole Aspergers thing, I'm not entirely sure that I can help. I haven't known you well enough, but I know guys can sometimes be wary on the Internet of things that just don't feel right. IE a girl who doesn't appear to have any flaws, four arms, or three children. I'm thinking that maybe you should be a little more open about a few flaws just to show the human aspect. But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a single Aspie. xD



spongy
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17 Aug 2010, 1:52 pm

wrathofnero wrote:
Well, being as I am new to this whole Aspergers thing, I'm not entirely sure that I can help. I haven't known you well enough, but I know guys can sometimes be wary on the Internet of things that just don't feel right. IE a girl who doesn't appear to have any flaws, four arms, or three children. I'm thinking that maybe you should be a little more open about a few flaws just to show the human aspect. But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a single Aspie. xD


There´s no problem in showing a few flaws before a relationship starts. The problem appears when the other person seeks for your flaws, it´s like they are already looking for a reason to break up with you before the relationship starts and it creeps most people out.



NeantHumain
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17 Aug 2010, 9:16 pm

Most guys would rather not deal with some other guy's offspring.



blue_bean
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18 Aug 2010, 7:16 am

I think he can already see the flaws in the form of my extreme introversion. He commented last night about me not opening up to him. He called me an enigma :P



deadeyexx
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18 Aug 2010, 7:55 am

blue_bean wrote:
I think he can already see the flaws in the form of my extreme introversion. He commented last night about me not opening up to him. He called me an enigma :P


That's good. He found the catch, and it's not as bad as he thought.



n4mwd
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18 Aug 2010, 8:43 am

blue_bean wrote:
I haven't been getting many replies on the dating website I'm on.

Could guys be avoiding me because I seem to be too good to be true?


I just found this thread and haven't seen all the other replies, but in response to the OP, if you are exceptionally good looking, sometimes guys will just assume that they haven't got a chance with you and will not bother asking. Just being a 26 year old girl with no kids is a definite plus. Guys your age are not interested in divorce trash with kids.

As far as why you aren't getting hits on the dating site, make sure you are on okcupid or plentyoffish because other sites charge guys to send girls a message and if you are really hot, they don't want to waste money because most hot girls will blow them off or don't reply at all.

The only other thing I can think of is maybe you have a really crappy picture and need another one on the dating site.



BigK
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18 Aug 2010, 10:31 am

Don't know what the guy was trying to say there.

Three kids by 26? In a lot of places one by the time you are 30 would make you about average.

I guess it was intended to be some kind of compliment.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/1501068/Educated-women-delay-first-child.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_at_first_marriage

Edit:

If you are not getting many hits then maybe it is to do with the way you have written your profile.
If you dare post it then I sure that many 'experts' would be willing to critique it.


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blue_bean
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26 Aug 2010, 10:34 pm

Just got back from a lunch date with said guy!!

He seems like a decent bloke in person. Looks wise he looks a bit like a jewish version of my last BF. I didn't know what he looked like until today.

He kept saying "you're very quiet" every 10 minutes :x (I thought I was doing my best to be social). I dunno, he just doesn't seem oddball enough for my tastes.



spongy
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28 Aug 2010, 4:27 am

Just thought I would post a reply since you made an effort on updating the situation.

First dates are usually the toughest ones and internet dating makes them even harder(the whole not knowing what the other person likes and so). Having said that I think that the date would have been fairly improved if he had asked for your interests and such instead of seeking out for possible flaws.


The whole looking like someone you already dated can be a good thing(you have been attracted to males like him before) or it can be a bad thing(everytime you look at him you start reminiscing your previous relationships and why did they end).


As for the quiet thing I usually tend to say something liek it takes me sometime to get to know a person and feel free to talk about everything but I dont think thats the wise thing to do dating-wise. If this happens again I suggest saying something along the lines Im too nervous (most peopel tend to get nervous on first dates so its not that bad).

I think you should give him another chance if he asks for a second date. As your words say he "seemed" something, its hard to get the general impression of a person by going on one date and I allways try to go on a few more before I make up my mind(this applies as long as previous dates arent awfull and the girl shows some interest).