My boyfriend wants a 'domestic disipline' relationship.

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1st of all I can understand someone wanting to be punished, not to say that it's right and not to say that it's wrong, cause I do understand it, there is in fact a girl who is 18 now that use to punish herself if she did wrong or thought she did wrong.

Luckily she had the support of her Mom and a 22 yr old friend of hers that happens to be a friend of mine, and well the 18 yr old's 19 yr old friend having moved in a few years ago also helped as well.

The 18 yr old's Mom told her not to be hard on herself, and my 22 yr old friend told this girl listen to her Mom about this, so now this girl has gotten better, back when this 18 yr old was a minor, her Mom told her "if you think you did wrong and think you deserve punishment, please tell me."

And it worked to help stop her from punishing herself too much, cause if she asked to be punished the Mom asked what she did wrong, if she didn't name a thing her Mom said no need to be punished but if she named a bad deed, the punishment was either shorter than the girl wished or the Mom would tell her not to do it again.

This 18 yr old was diagnosed with low grade depression and her mom suspects possibility of Asperger's, the 18 yr old was not sure what to think but now she thinks well it is possible but she's ok regardless.

Im like yeah im on the Autism spectrum myself and sure it would be great if this girl was tested but I respect whatever decision she makes on if she gets tested or not.

Now as far as dominating relationship, well my ex-fiancee who is also on the spectrum and lives in another state, tried to run my life, she would demand I not go to concerts, so to a point that when I bought tickets for concert or made plans to go, I dared not tell her till it came closer to the concert day, to avoid constant guilt tripping, and on days I went she guilt tripped on me acting like it was the end of the world cause I went to a concert.

And I did what I could to counter her control freak behavior too, but when the engagement ended I was glad too cause I think if I had married her, she would've demanded I not go to work.

Then again this girl wanted the necklaces I wore on my neck, so the last time I saw her in person when I visited her State, I took my necklaces off and put them in my wallet so she wouldn't be tempted, and I told her I have a right to wear those necklaces around my neck too (one is a Cross the other a Star of David, the Cross cause im a Christian and the Star of David cause im a descendant of King David of Israel and Judah).

This girl has no concept of money at all but she told me a formerly Upper Middle Class guy how to handle my money (yeah my family use to be Upper Middle Class till the economy tanked and brought us back to the Middle Class, and I have handled my own money since before I ever met her, I know how to count, save and spend my money and my ex does not know squat about money, assets, properties, mortgagees, debt, or any of that, she even asked me what debt was when I told her that her crazy ideas of moving her to my State while I am without job, would get me into debt and I cannot afford it right now on the SSI and SSDI income I get at the moment).

She said I sounded rich (probably because I was indeed rich compared to her), and she asked if this is about being rich and I said this is not about being rich, this is about a roof over your head and food in the belly cause well she would constantly text me from her cellphone and I told her slow down, texting costs money, and I told her a roof over your head and food in the belly is more important than a stupid cellphone.

I even told her I do not care if I ever get back to Upper Middle Class again or not, if it happens great, if not, oh well, cause as long as I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and my faith in God, then it should not matter if I ever become Upper Middle Class or Upper Class or whatever, but my ex sure didn't understand this.

She told me she did not want me going to a concert cause she was afraid I would get shot and I told her I have never been shot at a concert, I also told her people can get killed in their own house, my Uncle was killed in his own house with a Hammer.

She later demanded one of my parents come with me to a concert I was going to that one day and I said if it was classic rock maybe but this is punk rock, neither of my parents are going and she said she did not want me going unless one of my parents came with me and I said to her "people I know are gonna be there, I know the PA guy." heck the PA guy that was at this show i've known for 7 years.

But oh gosh yeah I was glad when me and her broke up, afterall I think if I married her and did get a job, she would've demanded I not go to work and I would've said do you wanna go hungry.

Sure me and my ex are both Autistic, but I understand cold hard reality better than her and I sure tried to teach it to her too.

But I figure next girl I end up with will be one who is not a control freak regardless of whether or not she is Autistic or another disability or no disability or whatever labelings anyone comes up with, afterall normal is the setting on a dryer.

I showed him this thread last night when he got home from work and he told me that that i'm obviously uncomfortable with the idea and that he was just trying to find ANY way to stop me from ultimately injuring myself, and that he wouldn't, of course, do anything like that if i was even .1% unsure.

Uhm some of the things i do are; taking shortcuts through dangerous neighbourhoods, taking drugs on occasion, drink driving, getting into fights with people, selfharming. There are more but i'd rather not disclose them. I don't know why I do them, i just like the thrill sometimes and other times i just don't know.

If anything i'm the bad force in our relationship.

OK - the planet has more to go on - Sufi is steering in a new direction.

Nobody can fix you - you must want to do that your self.
Life is not a fairy tale where someone comes in to rescue you.
The harmful things you do are methods of trying to give yourself the illusion of control yourself, but you put yourself in danger instead.

Find yourself first and why you do these things. I am impressed you showed the responses to your BF. This indicates you trust him and there is more of the possibility that he is worried. BUT -- it is not for him to fix this, the responsibility is yours.

If you are not in counseling, then go.
You may also want to consider couples counseling so he may participate in your growth and help you by supporting you and not by being a white knight.
(I offer this on the basis of been there, done that)

Sometimes I feel redundant and silly to point out that you are only 20. From what I have seen a lot of big changes can happen between 20 and 25, if you want to get on with an adult life. I think this is why a lot of marriages fail, because of growth or stagnation in this age range. Now is the time to act and the fact that your BF is willing to support you is even better.

Well I guess if I were to do the arm chair psychology thing one could interpret that behaviour as pushing people away through a fear off being hurt from such close emotional attachment (again?)

So you may want to look more internally at your own sense of self and esteem issues you may have. Your other half may have good intentions but he will only make you become more stubborn and resistant if he imposes change upon you. In such situations a person needs to be built up to have a healthy and stable sense of self. If you don't have that then you will either submit and be in a more vulnerable state or resist and eventually he will loose patience with the situation and move on.

O________________________________________________________________________O

I don't see how this could possibly end well.

Even if he has good intentions(which I doubt very seriously but I'll throw you a bone) it's just not going to end well. You are probably going to still keep making *mistakes* in his eyes and he can use that as an excuse to become increasingly critical of you. Why should a person with AS be in a relationship like this? You need someone who understands that you don't do these things on purpose. I don't even understand why you think it's OK for your boyfriend to WANT to discipline you. What does he get out of that? How can he possibly think you're sexy if he's treating you like his daughter? Is he older than you? I see nothing wrong with age gaps but this sounds sooooo weird.

I've had HINTS of this kind of behavior with two boyfriends in the past and i just distanced myself from them until the relationship ended. One broke up with me, I broke up with the other. one actually said, "you need to listen to me" about something, which is true and I do need to be attentive but it was about something trivial and he got bent out of shape about *weird* things. When someone talks to me that way I pretty much know that there isn't any hope because they don't see ME.

TBH I don't even know how you could really consider being with someone who used that term, though. He told you he wants to discipline you and hes OK with it. Where the hell is he coming from? That is not sexy lol. You should be having a GOOD TIME. There are problems to work on in relationships as well but the idea of him being your disciplinarian shouldn't be what the relationship is based on.

emlion, if you know these things are dangerous, you should punish yourself.