Page 1 of 2 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

15 Sep 2010, 8:41 pm

So I have been on an online dating site for a little over a month and I've been chatting with a guy and getting along with him rather well. After getting back to school, we've been trying to arrange a date where he can come up to visit me. Well, it's looking like he may have Monday night and Tuesday off and he's planning on coming up on Monday evening to meet me so we can go out for wings with a bunch of my friends. I picked a location where my friends would be present just in case if it were to go bad and to make me feel more comfortable. I'm really nervous and excited at the same time. I mean, the guy's willing to drive three hours to meet me so I don't want to make him waste all that gas for nothing. Anything I should keep in mind to make sure I don't blow this entire opportunity? D:



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

16 Sep 2010, 12:14 am

Erisad wrote:
So I have been on an online dating site for a little over a month and I've been chatting with a guy and getting along with him rather well. After getting back to school, we've been trying to arrange a date where he can come up to visit me. Well, it's looking like he may have Monday night and Tuesday off and he's planning on coming up on Monday evening to meet me so we can go out for wings with a bunch of my friends. I picked a location where my friends would be present just in case if it were to go bad and to make me feel more comfortable. I'm really nervous and excited at the same time. I mean, the guy's willing to drive three hours to meet me so I don't want to make him waste all that gas for nothing. Anything I should keep in mind to make sure I don't blow this entire opportunity? D:
OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! SQUEEEEEEEEEE!! !! !! !! so glad to read this is coming up for you!

sorry though... for once i have no advice. i SUCK at anything one-on-one (with the exception of... well, never mind) like dates or interviews or even friendly outings if there aren't 3 or more people present. i am really bad at the whole date thing.

but i hope it goes really well!! ! i know that other WPers will have great advice for you.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

16 Sep 2010, 12:28 am

Wow what a guy, he'll drive 3 hours (one way?) to meet you with a bunch of your friends watching your back? If I was him I'd be like f**k this, this girl has trust and possibly control issues I'll stay home instead.

Things to keep in mind
1. Nice guys are usually shy guys, he isn't going to want to talk to your friends at least not until you're serious
2. Guys in general do not like groups of women, distance is good even if he's agreed to having 5 chicks possibly carrying pepper spray at his dinner table
3. It's not going to be worth it. I'm sure he's a very sweet guy who likely hasn't been through a lot. If he isn't he sure expects a lot out of you. Someone will get hurt in the end, likely the one that needs it the least.
4. 2 hugs minimum - coming and going
4.5 when hugging you rub or hold someones back, you don't slap their shoulder blades - also, avoid full body contact, if any part of you rubs up against his cock for more than 2 seconds he's going to get turned on and you don't want that
5. 1 kiss recommended at least on the cheek - going
6. Chew with you mouth closed and don't say a goddamn thing about his table manners, he doesn't want another mother
7. If he's late he probably got lost and is stressed the hell out, that first hug had better be a long one and you might want to run your hand down the side of his head and comfort him.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

16 Sep 2010, 12:34 am

Pistonhead wrote:
Wow what a guy, he'll drive 3 hours (one way?) to meet you with a bunch of your friends watching your back? If I was him I'd be like f**k this, this girl has trust and possibly control issues I'll stay home instead.

Things to keep in mind
1. Nice guys are usually shy guys, he isn't going to want to talk to your friends at least not until you're serious
2. Guys in general do not like groups of women, distance is good even if he's agreed to having 5 chicks possibly carrying pepper spray at his dinner table
3. It's not going to be worth it. I'm sure he's a very sweet guy who likely hasn't been through a lot. If he isn't he sure expects a lot out of you. Someone will get hurt in the end, likely the one that needs it the least.
4. 2 hugs minimum - coming and going
4.5 when hugging you rub or hold someones back, you don't slap their shoulder blades - also, avoid full body contact, if any part of you rubs up against his cock for more than 2 seconds he's going to get turned on and you don't want that
5. 1 kiss recommended at least on the cheek - going
6. Chew with you mouth closed and don't say a goddamn thing about his table manners, he doesn't want another mother
7. If he's late he probably got lost and is stressed the hell out, that first hug had better be a long one and you might want to run your hand down the side of his head and comfort him.
so... she should trust some guy she only knows from the internet? ummm no. safety is the most important concern, and thankfully he sounds like a guy who can handle that concern.

wow, that list doesn't read like advice, it sounds kind of angry. i'm sure there is something helpful advice for Erisad in there somewhere, but she might need to comb out the snarls.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

16 Sep 2010, 12:54 am

It's just the other side of things.

Seriously why the hell should a man trust a woman? You seem to imply that a woman should bring a gang to meet a man. Does this also hold true for men? Should I load my car up with 3 other dudes whenever I go to meet a chick? Should I trust that this chick doesn't intend to slip some handcuffs on me, steal my wallet and my keys and leave?

Believe me s**t happens. I knew some guys that met a couple girls at a party. They needed to piss so they leave the girls in the car with the AC going. Come back from taking a leak and the guy's Mustang is GONE.

Do you honestly expect me to give happy advice? I am not a happy person, I don't try to be, I don't try to give anyone that impression and I certainly am not going to start now so would you quit f*****g getting at me for stupid little s**t like that?

I could have given plenty more advice, also inspired by stinging memories. However I only gave what I thought MIGHT be useful. I get the impression that Erisad is a prude. Prudes usually value table manners, a lot of the prudes I've known don't even see the fault in their own manners. She's also innocent, so she needs to show interest without getting in a situation which would cause a conflict of interests (sex vs abstinence).

My advice is heartfelt and the best I could do in 15 minutes while being a day behind on sleep, 3 months behind on getting laid, 3 years of not having money thanks to women, my personality and the economy and etc.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

16 Sep 2010, 1:09 am

Pistonhead wrote:
It's just the other side of things.

Seriously why the hell should a man trust a woman? You seem to imply that a woman should bring a gang to meet a man. Does this also hold true for men? Should I load my car up with 3 other dudes whenever I go to meet a chick? Should I trust that this chick doesn't intend to slip some handcuffs on me, steal my wallet and my keys and leave?

Believe me sh** happens. I knew some guys that met a couple girls at a party. They needed to piss so they leave the girls in the car with the AC going. Come back from taking a leak and the guy's Mustang is GONE.

Do you honestly expect me to give happy advice? I am not a happy person, I don't try to be, I don't try to give anyone that impression and I certainly am not going to start now so would you quit f***ing getting at me for stupid little sh** like that?

I could have given plenty more advice, also inspired by stinging memories. However I only gave what I thought MIGHT be useful. I get the impression that Erisad is a prude. Prudes usually value table manners, a lot of the prudes I've known don't even see the fault in their own manners. She's also innocent, so she needs to show interest without getting in a situation which would cause a conflict of interests (sex vs abstinence).

My advice is heartfelt and the best I could do in 15 minutes while being a day behind on sleep, 3 months behind on getting laid, 3 years of not having money thanks to women, my personality and the economy and etc.
crimes perpetrated by women against men are not very common - particularly not crimes of a violent nature. for instance, if a man were to get raped, it would most likely be done by another man. i think she would be more worried about being raped and killed than having her car stolen.

i don't care if you are a happy person; you have to live with yourself. but if you are nasty on the forums to people who don't deserve your bitterness, i will call you out on that. telling Erisad that:
Pistonhead wrote:
It's not going to be worth it. I'm sure he's a very sweet guy who likely hasn't been through a lot. If he isn't he sure expects a lot out of you. Someone will get hurt in the end, likely the one that needs it the least.
is really not fair to her at all.

like i said, there is probably some good advice in there somewhere... but it is surrounded by some nastiness.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

16 Sep 2010, 1:17 am

Great, because it's not common nothing could happen! Women don't abuse men, men abuse women. BS!

I don't have a problem living with myself. Nothing was personal beef with Erisad. It was just the most relevant suggestions I could offer.

Who said life is fair?!?! I DIDN'T! I got engaged to the girl of my f*****g dreams when I was 17 and look where I am now! If people get into relationships, they are going to have relationships fail. Erisad is not going to be the luckiest woman on earth, get married next year, win the lottery, move to hollywood, and live happily ever after. Almost nobody is. It's better that the expectations go down now rather than with a little experience.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


spongy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

16 Sep 2010, 1:18 am

Im glad to hear you are going through with the date and I hope he is a nice guy.

First dates can be somewhat awkward, even more if you met through the internet(we all know the internet helps us a lot on avoiding our flaws).

I dont know why the friends thing would be a problem, Im aware that there are plenty of creeps online and I probably wouldnt be too sure about dating a girl that wanted to meet me alone on a first date if we started talking on the internet so I dont see bringing friends as a problem. Secondly I believe that bringing another person can help making things less awkward(ever heard about double-dating and why its so great Pistonhead?).

I dont have much advice just try to be yourself because if you dont he is likely to find out sooner or later and its better to be clear before you start a relationship.


As for the trust and control issues I believe that everyone that relies on the internet looking for a partner has some sort of issues and if this happened to me Id be glad I have half the work done and Im not going to have to expend the date trying to figure out her issues and I can focus on more important things(usually her personality and what she is like beyond issues).



menintights
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 895

16 Sep 2010, 1:20 am

Here we go again with the men vs women thing...

Quote:
I mean, the guy's willing to drive three hours to meet me so I don't want to make him waste all that gas for nothing. Anything I should keep in mind to make sure I don't blow this entire opportunity? D:


What you need to remember is you didn't put a gun to his head and force him to drive three hours to see you--it was his choice to come. If you're being yourself on the date and if he's being himself on the date and if for some reason it still didn't work out, the blame does not lie on either you or him. It's just life. Stuff happens.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

16 Sep 2010, 1:21 am

spongy wrote:
ever heard about double-dating and why its so great Pistonhead?


Been there done that and it sucked. Honestly I'd rather go to Hooters with my mom and a jealous control freak girlfriend than go on a double date.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


spongy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

16 Sep 2010, 1:23 am

Pistonhead wrote:
spongy wrote:
ever heard about double-dating and why its so great Pistonhead?


Been there done that and it sucked. Honestly I'd rather go to Hooters with my mom and a jealous control freak girlfriend than go on a double date.


Thats your personal opinion however most people seem to enjoy it and it takes pressure off a first date so I think Erisad was wise telling him she was bringing her friends along.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

16 Sep 2010, 1:25 am

menintights wrote:
What you need to remember is you didn't put a gun to his head and force him to drive three hours to see you--it was his choice to come. If you're being yourself on the date and if he's being himself on the date and if for some reason it still didn't work out, the blame does not lie on either you or him. It's just life. Stuff happens.


He will still blame her if it goes bad! When men gamble/invest/take risks, they expect results! Whether it's a hot piece of ass or a smile, a kiss and a phone number.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


menintights
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 895

16 Sep 2010, 1:26 am

And for the record:

Pistonhead wrote:
4. 2 hugs minimum - coming and going
4.5 when hugging you rub or hold someones back, you don't slap their shoulder blades - also, avoid full body contact, if any part of you rubs up against his cock for more than 2 seconds he's going to get turned on and you don't want that
5. 1 kiss recommended at least on the cheek - going
6. Chew with you mouth closed and don't say a goddamn thing about his table manners, he doesn't want another mother
7. If he's late he probably got lost and is stressed the hell out, that first hug had better be a long one and you might want to run your hand down the side of his head and comfort him.


No.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

16 Sep 2010, 1:27 am

spongy wrote:
Thats your personal opinion however most people seem to enjoy it and it takes pressure off a first date so I think Erisad was wise telling him she was bringing her friends along.


While it may be wise there is NOTHING wise about love in the first place. Trying to over-complicate things just leads to more problems. If he ends up being left out of conversation, if the other girls give him dirty looks and try to intimidate him, make threats about what they're going to do to him if he makes her cry, etc. He's not going to open up to her.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


spongy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

16 Sep 2010, 1:40 am

Pistonhead wrote:
spongy wrote:
Thats your personal opinion however most people seem to enjoy it and it takes pressure off a first date so I think Erisad was wise telling him she was bringing her friends along.


While it may be wise there is NOTHING wise about love in the first place. Trying to over-complicate things just leads to more problems. If he ends up being left out of conversation, if the other girls give him dirty looks and try to intimidate him, make threats about what they're going to do to him if he makes her cry, etc. He's not going to open up to her.



May I ask why are you posting in the L&D section if you have no desire on love or helping other users on their doubts?

Theres no trying to over-complicate anything here at least not that I can see. She wanted to have her friends around and he accepted its not like she is bringing her friends alone and not telling him(that would be over-complicating things IMO).

This girls arent there to make the guy feel bad(I understand that you have been through many sh**-tests however you must realize not every girl does them and I dont think Erisad is bringing her friends to carry out a sh**-test).



menintights
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Aug 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 895

16 Sep 2010, 1:41 am

So how's your jitters now, Erisad? I'll bet you didn't regret asking for advice around here, eh? :thumleft: