"creepy"

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I think this is an important issue. Coming off as "creepy" (or "weird") has to be one of the top (if not the biggest) initial barriers AS guys face. Creepy can be anything. Smiling too much, no facial expression, not enough facial expression. Speaking in monotone. Not understanding non-verbal social cues. Being too aggressive. Staring. Pretty much any behavior that AS guys are known to exhibit. Do a google search on "being creepy" or "how not to appear creepy" and you will find some interesting results. My mind was spurred to write this after an incident at work. My foreman said to an attractive woman in our presence that I am single, and asked her if she had met me. Apparently she later said I am "creepy" and I was told I give off the serial killer vibe. I never say anything to her. I just do my job and go on about my business, and don't try and make conversation with people I don't work with regularly. I don't get it.

Just make the first move and take a chance, and try not to think about whether or not you do anything creepy.

I don't think there's much any of us can do to stop being "creepy" short of changing our entire personalities & appearance. People joke that I'm a serial killer or a child molester. I would have to be a different person in order for people to not think I'm creepy. The #1 piece of relationship advice I hear is to be myself & I'm not going to pretend to be a completely different person in order to have a shot with someone who won't like the real me anyways. Instead of worrying about coming off as creepy; we should be ourselves & try different approaches to meeting women. Instead of looking for popular or normal women we could try going for women that are into the underground scenes like the goth, vampire, witch-craft ect. I think those women would be more accepting of creepiness because they might come off as creepy themselves. We could also try meeting women who have mental issues as well

I can tell you how perfectly normal guys come across as creepy.
I live with an attractive NT flatmate and she tells me what guys do when they're creepy. I'm also adding in what I find creepy.

Here is rule 1:

Interacting with a real life person on MSN or some form of internet communication when its simpler just to go up and speak to them is creepy.

Guys who try to befriend all women in a work place and no men makes them look desperate/creepy.

She was also creeped out when he apologised about having bad breath because he had an infected wisdom tooth. She saw this as creepy (I didn't - but i'll tell you why). Many NT women/Men don't think about these things. They are happy in life just living and having fun and light conversation, and not thinking deeply. It shocked her that he said this because she doesn't even think about that sort of thing. "I never get close enough to him to smell his breath" for instance. I on the other hand take careful note if someones breath stinks because I notice things like that.

Guys who say little and stare a lot are creepy, thats a given.

Basically if you're friendly and make an effort to chat to guys and girls, its very unlikely you will come across as creepy. Creepy is sort of introverted staring not talking sort of thing.

Being too quite is creepy. I knew a guy once. He was very good looking and I don't think he was a dangerous person or anything, but he was so shy he could barely talk to other people.

Far beyond normal shyness.

I'm sure this social barrier caused him a lot of internal turmoil and frustration because he could never really express his needs clearly. I lot of quite people actually have a lot of pent up anger and frustration and I'm sure he was no exception.

Women worry that super quite guys are ticking time bombs, or perhaps like to be quite because they like to be alone, and like to be alone because their interested are of an anti-social nature.

I'm sure most guys are going to be considered creepy in at least one girls opinion at some time in their life but it's only a problem if most girls consider you creepy most of the time.

And women with AS get pegged as creepy a lot by NT women as well, just to let you know.

I don't think it's entirely fair to assume that a woman who might get a "creepy" vibe from you would never like the real you if she got the chance to know you. If "the real you" is creepy, then yes, you're probably right. But you can't blame a woman for reacting poorly to a man she perceives as creepy--she is only instinctively protecting herself.

it's been my experience that 1ce women know me they only like me as a friend that they can turn to when they need something but they never have any interest in being with me. So even if I did try to not come off as creepy & succeeded women will still only see me as a friend 1ce they know the real me. i rather not waste my time with it

Google image search:

http://www.google.com/images?q=creepy

Yeah, that's true.

One important step IMO - don't own it. Ie. don't let these girls define you or your self-esteem. If you do, you'll play right into it. Its not that they're meaning to trip you up, people are flighty and yes, you have a neurological condition that effects your affect - they can see the surface but not the reason. What they think they're seeing - they're not. Is it likely that they'll never figure out the difference? Very possible if they keep seeing the same thing.

I've noticed that I was able to make great strides just by refusing 'creepiness' as part of my identity, I've also gone to great lengths to ignore nonverbal rebukes or cold stares if someone's reading me that way, I used to think that they were 99% of the time in the right and that I was the problem, now I know that if you act as if registering that isn't even part of your makeup (so long as you do it in a confident rather than an oblivious geek sort of way) it'll dissipate more readily, they'll get cues that what they think they were seeing is incorrect and they'll more likely question themselves at that point. Even now, as my chemistry ebbs and flows, there are times where I seem very normal and energy back from people is mostly positive, there are times that my brain chemistry has the drop on me, I look like Dice Clay without his leather jacket, and - people tend start digging in nonverbally or start eyeing me up like I'm a liability. I have to remember - either way - I'm still the same person, regardless of how much the later sucks. That much I don't think will ever go away, so it comes down to damage control and getting good at it.

I also get called creepy by NT men as well as NT women sometimes.

I know the label is hard on shy guys - but often women associate anti social behaviour with that of serial killers, like guys who shoot up schools, resent women and rape people. I know its NOT fair, but that is where it comes from.

The sociopath and the aspie have many similar traits. It's just a damn shame guenuine good hearted aspies get mixed up with the sociopath because of the anti social behaviour.

Sicne I gived that up, (dating) i just
play in my yard with my toys and pavement
chalk, wear my pooh and Tigger and
thats not a problem, but then I'm not
lookinf for a "ate" either

Antisocial behavior is NOT common in shy guys. Antisocials typically have really good social-skills but manipulate & take advantage of others. Avoidents are the ones who are shy NOT Antisocials. I wish people would learn the difference

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD or APD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual as "...a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."[1]

To be diagnosed, an individual must be age 18 or older, as well as have a documented history of a conduct disorder before the age of 15.[1] People having antisocial personality disorder are sometimes labeled "sociopaths" or "psychopaths."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial ... y_disorder




Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD)[1] (or anxious personality disorder)[2] is a personality disorder recognized in the DSM-IV TR handbook in a person over the age of eighteen years as characterized by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, and avoidance of social interaction.

People with AvPD often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing, and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, rejected, or disliked.

AvPD is usually first noticed in early adulthood, and is associated with perceived or actual rejection by parents or peers during childhood. Whether the feeling of rejection is due to the extreme interpersonal monitoring attributed to people with the disorder is still disputed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_p ... y_disorder

Look, fair enough, I'm no psych degree, but neither are most NTs.

If someone doesn't talk to others, and just stares, they will come across as an anti social, whether that person wants to socialise or not.

That is a misconception that NEEDS to be changed

Change it then.
And good luck, because you will need it if you know what people are like.

But remember its not just an aspie guy thing, we women get it also. But with me its either "creepy" because of my below average small talk skills, or "annoying" because i'm too loud, butt in to conversations and show off.