View from the "Boyquarium"

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I recently moved to a new office at work - and I'm one of three women on the floor. I'm sitting among the IT folks, so there's a fair number of geeks, all of whom seem to be nice. Honestly, I haven't been surrounded by so many funny guys in a long time - it's pretty neat.

But here's the thing to keep in mind if you find yourself "one of the guys" in a situation like the one I've described: peripheral vision! Seriously, even if I'm staring directly at my monitor, I can see you looking at me. Unless you're standing directly behind me, consider yourself observed. (And for the record, I don't think I'm being stared at "longingly" at all - I'm just a bit of a curiosity because I'm not your stereotypical female.) Just a little bit of advice so you can avoid giving off a "creeper vibe."

Also, a short while ago, I mentioned a man who goes out of his way to avoid eye contact when passing in the hallway. Since then, a few women have mentioned experiencing the same behavior to me. One of our male co-workers overheard, and said he hadn't noticed anything like the behavior we described. So it looks like women might make him uncomfortable. But my point is this: if you can manage a very quick glance (not even in the eye - at the forehead) and a nod, please give it a try. I'm sure this man is probably a perfectly nice, decent guy....but it doesn't take much to get labeled weird or strange or whatever. Should society be more tolerant and not so quick to judge non-conformists? Absolutely - but that's not the society we live in. And a little thing like a quick nod can be the difference between "quiet" or "shy" and "weird" or "scary." No one wants to date the scary guy - but quiet/shy guys can be very appealing.

I find it kind of ironic, that you, an NT, is telling this to guys on a forum for aspies who are probably the most likely to be labled creepy or weird.

That's exactly why I posted, @Jutty. My co-workers' likely misinterpretation of my other co-worker's issue with eye contact is a situation that can be avoided. I don't see the irony in that.

Who else would be better suited than an NT to give tips on what comes across as weird or creepy in the NT world? I find the advice perfectly valid - I've definitely noticed an improvement in people's reaction towards me since I started looking at their eyebrows to compensate for the lack of eye contact

I think this is an area that aspie guys can struggle with. It occurs to me that the first part of your advice is about people who are looking too much (staring), and the second part is about people who are not looking enough (no eye contact). It's so hard to figure out the balance!

I wonder if the guy who is avoiding eye contact is doing it so that he doesn't err too far on the other side and make people nervous by staring. I know that I have struggled with this in the past.

Yeah, I know @bicentennialman - it does kind of cover both extremes of eye contact. I think with the first example, it's a bit easier to remedy. You just have to remember that unless you're standing directly behind someone, he/she can see you looking at them. And again, the few guys that stare are not staring because they're interested in me romantically or anything - they're just staring because I'm a girl, and I'm not an uptight girl. I laugh at their jokes (which aren't even crude or anything), I shoot the breeze with them...I'm a girl, but they don't have to act differently around me. I'm just a bit of a curiosity.

I think you may be exactly right about the guy who avoids eye contact. Do you think you'd be able to do a quick "forehead" glance and nod? I feel bad for the guy, because I don't think he's creepy or anything, but people are very quick to judge things like that. I didn't want to say I thought he might be autistic, because I don't know....it felt like I'd be violating his privacy, and it's just speculation anyway. I just feel kinda bad for him.

Can I join a Girlquarium?

Hee hee....sounds like good work if you can get it, Boo.

Learning to blend in, dress sharper than others, safe conversation topics has been a long road but very worth it.

Kaybee had already invited me to a Girlquarium...

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf143626-0-15.html

I am happy.

I knew a guy once who was quite handsome yet horribly horribly shy. He had to work with me and could not even look in my direction or speak to me without mumbling. He was only slightly more at ease with the men.

I always thought it tragic because if he could just manage to be a little more out going, I think his life would have improved significantly.