Have you ever been happy about another break up?

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Brianruns10
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25 Nov 2010, 1:16 pm

I just found out that a girl I liked in school broke up with the guy (a classmate) she was dating for the past few years. And I gotta admit I'm happy about it.

Not in a schadenfreude way. I'm not taking pleasure in their pain. I'm happy because it feels like there's a bit of justice in the world.

You see I liked this girl, but she didn't reciprocate. Instead, she hooked up with this other guy who was MARRIED already. Needless to say the marriage ended and they dated during the last year I was in school with them. And I was always mad about it, because I wasn't enough for this girl, she had to have the guy who already had someone. Someone else (the wife) got hurt so they could be together.

Well, now there's some justice. They're separated. The guy threw away the woman he married for this girl, and now he doesn't have the girl! And now, they're not even facebook friends, so that says it must've been less than amicable in the separation! I hope they both learned a lesson from it all. I have no illusions about hooking up with this girl...not the least of which being she's hundreds of miles away, when she's not back in her country in Europe. But it's worth it to have that faint hope that maybe she's thinking, "I wish I had given [me] a chance, instead of hooking up with that loser who was married."

There is some justice in the world!



Chronos
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25 Nov 2010, 1:34 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I just found out that a girl I liked in school broke up with the guy (a classmate) she was dating for the past few years. And I gotta admit I'm happy about it.

Not in a schadenfreude way. I'm not taking pleasure in their pain. I'm happy because it feels like there's a bit of justice in the world.

You see I liked this girl, but she didn't reciprocate. Instead, she hooked up with this other guy who was MARRIED already. Needless to say the marriage ended and they dated during the last year I was in school with them. And I was always mad about it, because I wasn't enough for this girl, she had to have the guy who already had someone. Someone else (the wife) got hurt so they could be together.

Well, now there's some justice. They're separated. The guy threw away the woman he married for this girl, and now he doesn't have the girl! And now, they're not even facebook friends, so that says it must've been less than amicable in the separation! I hope they both learned a lesson from it all. I have no illusions about hooking up with this girl...not the least of which being she's hundreds of miles away, when she's not back in her country in Europe. But it's worth it to have that faint hope that maybe she's thinking, "I wish I had given [me] a chance, instead of hooking up with that loser who was married."

There is some justice in the world!


YOU weren't enough for this girl? You should be thinking that this girl wasn't enough for you! Why would you want a girl with such horrible morals? Why would you even be bitter about not getting her?



Brianruns10
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25 Nov 2010, 2:01 pm

Well at the time I thought a bit more highly of her, until I found out she was a homewrecker. But still I would've liked a shot. Because when you've never had anyone, you can't help but lower your standards.



nilescrane
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25 Nov 2010, 2:46 pm

Brian, you have to stop liking hot women that don't want you. Why are you even paying attention to her social life years later?



superboyian
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25 Nov 2010, 4:00 pm

Nope.... I normally feel sorry for the couples that break up tbh.


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RICKY5
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25 Nov 2010, 4:29 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
I just found out that a girl I liked in school broke up with the guy (a classmate) she was dating for the past few years. And I gotta admit I'm happy about it.

Not in a schadenfreude way. I'm not taking pleasure in their pain. I'm happy because it feels like there's a bit of justice in the world.

You see I liked this girl, but she didn't reciprocate. Instead, she hooked up with this other guy who was MARRIED already. Needless to say the marriage ended and they dated during the last year I was in school with them. And I was always mad about it, because I wasn't enough for this girl, she had to have the guy who already had someone. Someone else (the wife) got hurt so they could be together.

Well, now there's some justice. They're separated. The guy threw away the woman he married for this girl, and now he doesn't have the girl! And now, they're not even facebook friends, so that says it must've been less than amicable in the separation! I hope they both learned a lesson from it all. I have no illusions about hooking up with this girl...not the least of which being she's hundreds of miles away, when she's not back in her country in Europe. But it's worth it to have that faint hope that maybe she's thinking, "I wish I had given [me] a chance, instead of hooking up with that loser who was married."

There is some justice in the world!


1) She is not thinking about you at all. To her, you were just another supplicative beta male she deemed as unworthy of her.

2) Women respond to preselection by other females. The reason she chose the married guy over you the awkward aspie is because in her ocnscious and subconscious she is thinking "Wow, that dude's married, he must be special." That is how the majority women are wired, whether they will admit it or not.
Why do you think purely social escort services exist? You can't be perceived as the "dateless loser" at an office social gathering to get ahead so you have to put up a charade to succeed.

3)You have total schadenfreude. Nothing wrong with it, just admit to it you will feel much freer.

I betcha the married guy dumped her for someone younger and better looking!

4)Focus on improving yourself and becoming more and more self-sufficient. Men can age like wine and women usually age like milk.

5)Upgrade your appearance as well. Try posting your photo on www.hotornot.com to get a brutally honest assessment of your appearance. I've consistently scored an 8.0 even when I was heavier.



Chronos
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27 Nov 2010, 5:19 am

RICKY5 wrote:
1) She is not thinking about you at all. To her, you were just another supplicative beta male she deemed as unworthy of her.


More likely, she just wasn't into him.

RICKY5 wrote:
2) Women respond to preselection by other females. The reason she chose the married guy over you the awkward aspie is because in her ocnscious and subconscious she is thinking "Wow, that dude's married, he must be special." That is how the majority women are wired, whether they will admit it or not.


This isn't true. Most women are not interested in married men. I know this because I'm a woman, and I have sisters who are very social, and they have lots of woman friends, who also have lots of woman friends, and so on...in short, I get to hear the perspective of the majority of woman. You don't. The majority of women think guys who cheat on their wives are creeps, and woman who date married men are skanks, and they don't want to be skanks who date creeps.

RICKY5 wrote:
Why do you think purely social escort services exist? You can't be perceived as the "dateless loser" at an office social gathering to get ahead so you have to put up a charade to succeed.


Most men who use escort services are married. They use escort services because they like to "have fun" with good looking, socially adept women who are not their wives.

RICKY5 wrote:
I betcha the married guy dumped her for someone younger and better looking!


Probably.



hale_bopp
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27 Nov 2010, 9:22 pm

I can't think of a case where i've been happy about it, but i can say i've not cared several times.



nilescrane
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27 Nov 2010, 9:59 pm

brian, i've read a lot of your posts on love and dating and couldn't help but notice that you fall into a classic trend...self-admittedly awkward or ugly guy wants the hot or beautiful girl. i know it looks real in the movies, but it's just that...the movies. the only time you see an ugly guy to begin with with a hot girl is because he has money or a really really good and fun life of the party personality and a positive person (think Kevin James types.)

i'd suggest getting rid of that fantasy as soon as possible and also completely forgetting about any girl from high school or college that rejected you or whatever in the past. the obsession, from personal experience, will just fester and eat you up inside.

think of it this way...you're a beautiful woman that has tons of guys after her...are you going to choose an unattractive guy with autistic tendencies?

i'm not saying this to be mean, i follow the same standards myself and don't go for "hot" women. i go for women that interest me but also that i think would make a realistic match.

the other thing is...the bitterness about women rejecting you or using you isn't attractive at all, with any woman. i'd suggest working on that.

in short...be honest with yourself, where you stand, where you fall on the looks scale, what your personality is like (not the AS part, but your demeanor) and find a similar woman.



RICKY5
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28 Nov 2010, 1:40 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
I just found out that a girl I liked in school broke up with the guy (a classmate) she was dating for the past few years. And I gotta admit I'm happy about it.

Not in a schadenfreude way. I'm not taking pleasure in their pain. I'm happy because it feels like there's a bit of justice in the world.

You see I liked this girl, but she didn't reciprocate. Instead, she hooked up with this other guy who was MARRIED already. Needless to say the marriage ended and they dated during the last year I was in school with them. And I was always mad about it, because I wasn't enough for this girl, she had to have the guy who already had someone. Someone else (the wife) got hurt so they could be together.

Well, now there's some justice. They're separated. The guy threw away the woman he married for this girl, and now he doesn't have the girl! And now, they're not even facebook friends, so that says it must've been less than amicable in the separation! I hope they both learned a lesson from it all. I have no illusions about hooking up with this girl...not the least of which being she's hundreds of miles away, when she's not back in her country in Europe. But it's worth it to have that faint hope that maybe she's thinking, "I wish I had given [me] a chance, instead of hooking up with that loser who was married."

There is some justice in the world!


I second what Niles said. You really have to decide what YOU ultimately want. I strongly recommend getting rid of your V-Card by any means necessary. Once you do that, you will have a much better idea of what you really want. You have this flowery BS dream of what relationships are like that is completely divorced from reality.



nilescrane
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28 Nov 2010, 2:20 am

If he had sex with a hot escort, he'd likely fall in love with her and also get false confidence and think he can attract someone like her in real life.

What helped me was going to strip clubs...noticing how women that are physical 10s and extra sexy respond to the average guy. A couple cocktail waitresses laughed at me from afar, presumably for my AS...and they're paid to be nice to you and see plenty of worse looking guys that are fat or butt-ugly. Also, the dancers at my local strip club aren't very good actors and show their indifference and disgust when giving you a lap dance. It's obvious their disgusted by the sight of you unless 1.)You're really hot, 2.)You're an older guy and they think you're going to spend your paycheck on them.

Also, a lot of the "really hot" caliber of women I've known were the type that were snobby to anyone not in their elite circle of friends.

Why would someone want someone as internally ugly as that? I know why people like Brian want one...it's because he has no self-esteem and wants the hot girl as a trophy and validation that he's "made it" in the world.



RICKY5
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28 Nov 2010, 2:06 pm

nilescrane wrote:
If he had sex with a hot escort, he'd likely fall in love with her and also get false confidence and think he can attract someone like her in real life.

What helped me was going to strip clubs...noticing how women that are physical 10s and extra sexy respond to the average guy. A couple cocktail waitresses laughed at me from afar, presumably for my AS...and they're paid to be nice to you and see plenty of worse looking guys that are fat or butt-ugly. Also, the dancers at my local strip club aren't very good actors and show their indifference and disgust when giving you a lap dance. It's obvious their disgusted by the sight of you unless 1.)You're really hot, 2.)You're an older guy and they think you're going to spend your paycheck on them.

Also, a lot of the "really hot" caliber of women I've known were the type that were snobby to anyone not in their elite circle of friends.

Why would someone want someone as internally ugly as that? I know why people like Brian want one...it's because he has no self-esteem and wants the hot girl as a trophy and validation that he's "made it" in the
[\quote]

I never got "pretty woman syndrome". The main lesson I learned was that sex is very fun but ultimately overrated. What was awesome about it for me was that I could easily have those supposedly unattainable hot girls at the college parties I used to long for. I still kick myself for feelings I used to have back when I was a virgin!



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28 Nov 2010, 4:29 pm

I'm sorry you have gotten hurt because of the rejection you suffered from this girl. I have to agree with other's who have commented in this thread that you are better off without someone like that.

I can't recall any time I have been delighted to have learned someone's romantic relations has fallen apart. Of course I have heard about someone's break up and it meant absolutely nothing to me one way or the other.


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28 Nov 2010, 4:58 pm

I find it odd that people are indifferent to others relationships. I ve had lots of people Ive known who I was very glad they broke up their relationship, and lots of people have told me they were glad when I had relationships brake up. People usually say "thank goodness I hated him!" and I think why on earth didnt you say sooner!! !

Im not very nice though as when I found out my mums friends wife died, the first thing I said to my mum was "so he is single then?" lol, how horrid of me, poor chap.



menintights
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28 Nov 2010, 5:17 pm

I've been happy only if multiple warnings had been issued to her about how she shouldn't even be in that relationship and if her way of refusing to listen was beyond obnoxious. There's something really pleasant about watching her come crawling back and being able to gloat, "I told you so."

And they say I'll make a terrible parent.



Brianruns10
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28 Nov 2010, 6:34 pm

Where did I ever say, or did any of you ever get the idea this girl was hot, or that I get attracted to girls out of my league? If you could see a picture of the girl I'm talking about, you'd see she's cute, but by no means a 10, or even a 7 or an 8. I don't know where she'd place. I liked her because we shared the same interests, because our work in school was along similar lines, and I wanted to know her better. She had a great personality. Of course, a lot of the respect I had for her went away when she decided to break up a marriage. And I couldn't help wondering what would've happened if she'd chosen me. Certainly the other guy and his wife might've been better off. And maybe I'd have been the kind of guy for this girl, so she wouldn't have felt the need to be a homewrecker.

I get frustrated because I DO have things to offer to somebody, if somebody, ANYBODY would give me a goddamn chance, like I was willing to give them.

And so I will cop to schadenfreude. I'm glad, so very, very glad, both these people got their comeuppances for what they did.
Eventually someone's got to see me for me, and what I have to offer, and I will NEVER treat that person the way these other losers did. I'll appreciate her, love her, never take her for granted or dump her for some newer, shinier model.