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Quartz11
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21 Nov 2010, 2:03 pm

I have no real way to start this topic, so: I like a gal.

I met her a year ago at a bar, where I play trivia. Eventually me and her father were added to this trivia team with her and three of her friends. She moved to Boston in the spring, he stopped showing up shortly afterwards, I'm still on the team with the other three.

Back early this year I had a big crush on her, but really didn't do much of anything about it because of massive depression, low self-esteem and tons of self-loathing, and this thought that everyone secretly hated me but was just nice to my face. But she's little better in the mental health department - as she has depression, self-image and self-esteem problems, family drama, etc...

But over the last month, things have changed. I went with her and her dad to Washington DC for the Rally to Restore Sanity, good weekend trip. But I worried cause I talked to her dad far more than her, and wasn't sure what she had thought of me going along with the two of them. (She said don't worry about it.) Yesterday I went to Boston, but this time around I had asked in advance if she was doing anything. So, I spent a couple hours at her apartment before going to dinner. Later split ways. But she was bummed out cause of some negative news she got earlier in the day: not getting a job she interviewed for, her night plans crashing on her, and some guy in her hometown not getting a hold of her... once again not as talkative as I would have liked her to be.

So. Obviously I'd prefer to date her if I could, but even being just friends is fine with me. But it's like, what do I do now? How much do I try and communicate with her, how often should I ask to come see her in Boston, what do I do and say to make her realize I'm interested?



happymusic
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21 Nov 2010, 2:20 pm

You could try being very straight forward with her. Ask her out to dinner or something. She might not realize you like her.



Quartz11
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21 Nov 2010, 7:43 pm

I found it odd how she wouldn't have considered me coming by as a date of some sort.

But, she apparently didn't. And thought she might have had one later that night back in her hometown, but the guy has no working car or cell phone. So he never got a hold of her, and she stayed home. I should of made a joke saying I was her date that day, but held back.

I hope to go back sometime soon. Maybe in a couple weeks I'll ask again, stop by a day on a weekend before Christmas. But I never really talk to her now, and never am sure of what to talk about.



Quartz11
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25 Nov 2010, 4:45 pm

I sent her a text saying 'happy thanksgiving'. That's the only thing I've said to her since Saturday evening.

I figure maybe in another week or two I'll see if she wants to hang out some Saturday again. Thinking of a few ideas of stuff to do. Just slowly build more a friendship and see where things can go. Maybe...



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25 Nov 2010, 5:54 pm

That's good. Stay connected with her without seeming pushy or clingy but let her know your interested next time so you don't end up just as the shoulder to cry on.



Quartz11
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25 Nov 2010, 9:48 pm

Being the shoulder to cry on might actually be an upgrade from the seemingly never she talks to me now.



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25 Nov 2010, 11:54 pm

Quartz11 wrote:
Obviously I'd prefer to date her if I could, but even being just friends is fine with me. But it's like, what do I do now? How much do I try and communicate with her, how often should I ask to come see her in Boston, what do I do and say to make her realize I'm interested?


You don't always have to tell someone you have a crush on her, but if your intention is to (eventually) date her, you HAVE to make it clear right away. Some people like to complain that girls never say what they mean and are always playing mind games, but this thread is proof that (some) guys do it, too.

Quote:
Being the shoulder to cry on might actually be an upgrade from the seemingly never she talks to me now.


This is a bad, bad attitude. If she doesn't like you as much as you like her, then do yourself a favor and MOVE ON.



Quartz11
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26 Nov 2010, 10:00 am

^ So because I've known her for a year, I'm screwed if I actually want to date her?

And um, if she just wants to be friends rather than dating - so be it. Obviously it makes no sense trying to hound her all the time for something she wants no part of.



spongy
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26 Nov 2010, 10:53 am

Quartz11 wrote:
^ So because I've known her for a year, I'm screwed if I actually want to date her?

And um, if she just wants to be friends rather than dating - so be it. Obviously it makes no sense trying to hound her all the time for something she wants no part of.


I think she is reffering to your display of low self-steem, you should aim for something greater that being a shoulder to cry on.



She is suggesting you try to find someone else you can relate to that sees you as a suitable partner that is interested in you because apparently the girl you mention doesnt think of you that way and you should stop trying to stablish a relationship with her(Hence the move on).


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Quartz11
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28 Nov 2010, 7:02 pm

I'm thinking of asking her in the next couple days if she wants to hang out next weekend. I've been feeling pretty good lately, so why not try once more? Hopefully there's some positive response.

Otherwise, time for another direction.



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28 Nov 2010, 9:44 pm

really, you have nothing to lose. since most of the friendship part seems to have been difficult to maintain, you literally have no reason to NOT ask her out. good luck!


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Quartz11
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29 Nov 2010, 9:24 pm

So I sent her a text message on my lunch break asking if she was doing anything this weekend, and if she wasn't busy I'd like to come see her. Six and a half hours later I get a message from her saying her best friend might be coming to the area on Friday for the weekend, and she'll let me know if she's back home.

I'll check back in a few days.