Is it easier for aspie women than aspie men?

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WintersTale
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30 Dec 2010, 3:15 pm

I think it's easier, because shyness is an attractive trait in women and not in men.

However, what do I know? Plenty of shy men get into relationships. It's probably just my lack of social skills that makes my success dismal with women.


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menintights
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30 Dec 2010, 3:18 pm

Women attract men more easily because a lot of men--especially the desperate ones--don't care much beyond what they see in the surface. We even have a lot of men here who would go out with someone they're not attracted to just for the sake of being in a relationship.

I don't see how anyone who has AS would last long in a relationship if he/she hasn't worked on it all his/her life, though. Having AS isn't synonymous with "being shy," there's a lot of crap that goes on that normal people simply won't find attractive. If you think shyness is the root of your problem, then for the love of God stop being shy. Shy people never prosper whether they're male or female, and if you think that's unfair, well that's just too damn bad.



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30 Dec 2010, 3:24 pm

First of all, to say "have it easier" implies "easier in general," not just when it comes to dating. I can tell you right now that Aspie women do NOT have it "easier in general." I've always been seen as a "weirdo" and had to learn how to ACT like I "fit in" in public. I've read that this is supposedly easier for females than males, but not for me--it's exhausting. When I come home, I don't want to deal with anyone or anything.

Then, there's the way women are expected to dress. People have feared me because my favorite clothes are loose-fitting and don't really follow any particular "style." A few have even said I must be a "drug addict" or "mentally ill" due to that. If I was male I don't think they'd even blink.

Yes, I am in a relationship. I was/am fairly lucky in that respect: I wasn't looking for one--we just met because we're neighbors and immediately clicked (he thinks he might have AS too, but it's more than that). Sometimes people are just lucky--it has nothing to do with being AS or NT.

However, this also means I haven't really attempted the whole dating "thing", so I can't answer whether or not Aspie women have it "easier" in that respect. IMO, considering the way many people view me, I'd have to say no.

Kiran wrote:
Like someone allready wrote, you can't make generalizations based on gender.


Seconded. You can't make generalizations based on anything, really.


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30 Dec 2010, 3:27 pm

WintersTale wrote:
I think it's easier, because shyness is an attractive trait in women and not in men.

However, what do I know? Plenty of shy men get into relationships. It's probably just my lack of social skills that makes my success dismal with women.


Having AS is not about being shy. There are shy people who don't have AS, shy people who have AS, and people with AS who aren't shy. I went through elementary school to what I attended of jr. high in the middle of crowds and not one single person ever approached me and talked to me, except one group of girls in jr. high to ask if I was a girl or a guy.

A lot of women with AS tend to go unnoticed not only by the people around them, but by the psych community as a whole, and their issues and struggles are never addressed or they are pegged as depressed or bi-polar if they are, and are improperly medicated.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them end up dropping out of school and end up on the streets or in abusive relationships if they do catch the attention of someone.



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30 Dec 2010, 5:26 pm

Spyral wrote:
I'm an Aspie female and I haven't found it to be particularly easy. If anything, it might be worse, since other women just want to talk about their husbands and kids. It seems like it's more socially acceptable for men to be single. If a woman is single, there must be something wrong with her and she should be shunned--not fit for polite society. Old maid, spinster, etc. It's pretty difficult.


Very well put! That is indeed the case, PARTICULARLY if the woman doesn't have children. Single moms aren't the pariahs they used to be.


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30 Dec 2010, 5:57 pm

I've given up even addressing the topics in these threads.

Lets all hit ourselves over the head with frying pans instead.



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30 Dec 2010, 6:12 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I've given up even addressing the topics in these threads.

Lets all hit ourselves over the head with frying pans instead.


or just do what I do



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30 Dec 2010, 6:16 pm

Mojave wrote:
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Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. Rolling Eyes


Emlion since you already have a boyfriend I think the OPs question is valid.

I think in general women do have it a bit easier than men on the spectrum in terms of dating, and the reason for this is i have noticed that women on the spectrum do not exhibit the same stereotypical symptoms of low social skills that men have; however many women on the spectrum exhibit very strong emotional problems that men on the spectrum do not have. So that is that trade off. To answer your question, as far as dating is concerned I think females on the spectrum do have it a bit easier.

aspie women sometimes find it easier to get laid. that is all. and considering that getting laid is not what most women are looking for, it is a false hope.

WintersTale wrote:
I think it's easier, because shyness is an attractive trait in women and not in men.

However, what do I know? Plenty of shy men get into relationships. It's probably just my lack of social skills that makes my success dismal with women.

i would not say that shyness has anything to do with it. but i'd definitely say that an equal number of men and women in my aspie social group are in LTRs, and an equal number are single.

OP, all you can opine from the "happy" thread is that some aspie women (on the internet (on one single forum (in one isolated thread))) are more likely post about the happiness in their lives than some aspie men are (on the internet (in that same exact forum (on that same thread))). that's all.



Brainiac5
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30 Dec 2010, 7:15 pm

First: Just because I raised a topic for discussion does not mean that I sit all day at whining on message boards instead of going out and meeting people. Yes, it is challenging for me to approach new people, but I still have always managed to make friends through college or work. In fact, I have many, many, female friends that insist that they like me "only as a friend", "you're a really great guy, but there's just no chemistry", etc.. makes me sick!
Second: your logic isn't foolproof either. It seems to go something like: you can't know what its like for women because your a man; but because I'm a woman, I know what it is like for women AND men.



Volodja
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30 Dec 2010, 7:21 pm

This whole thing is stupid. How can a man know how hard it is for women (or vice versa)?



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30 Dec 2010, 7:22 pm

OP: are you replying to any posts in particular, or...?



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30 Dec 2010, 7:30 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Mojave wrote:
Quote:
Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. Rolling Eyes


Emlion since you already have a boyfriend I think the OPs question is valid.

I think in general women do have it a bit easier than men on the spectrum in terms of dating, and the reason for this is i have noticed that women on the spectrum do not exhibit the same stereotypical symptoms of low social skills that men have; however many women on the spectrum exhibit very strong emotional problems that men on the spectrum do not have. So that is that trade off. To answer your question, as far as dating is concerned I think females on the spectrum do have it a bit easier.

aspie women sometimes find it easier to get laid. that is all. and considering that getting laid is not what most women are looking for, it is a false hope.


Never mentioned getting laid, just getting into a relationship. But thanks for putting words in my mouth.



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30 Dec 2010, 7:32 pm

Mojave wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Mojave wrote:
Quote:
Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. Rolling Eyes


Emlion since you already have a boyfriend I think the OPs question is valid.

I think in general women do have it a bit easier than men on the spectrum in terms of dating, and the reason for this is i have noticed that women on the spectrum do not exhibit the same stereotypical symptoms of low social skills that men have; however many women on the spectrum exhibit very strong emotional problems that men on the spectrum do not have. So that is that trade off. To answer your question, as far as dating is concerned I think females on the spectrum do have it a bit easier.

aspie women sometimes find it easier to get laid. that is all. and considering that getting laid is not what most women are looking for, it is a false hope.


Never mentioned getting laid, just getting into a relationship. But thanks for putting words in my mouth.

i said it because that is the only way women find it easier sometimes - getting laid - as opposed to dating. dating is not easier for aspie women, but getting random sex IS a bit easier. i was disagreeing with you, not putting words in your mouth.



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30 Dec 2010, 8:34 pm

I bet aspie women can become super saiyans before aspie men too
you women make me sick!! !
naze watashi ni iimasu ka?! !??!



WintersTale
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30 Dec 2010, 8:44 pm

I agree that being an Aspie is more than being shy.

I don't like being around lots of people, I have trouble reading people and having people read me, I tend to take things literally.

I suppose that I'm very high functioning, because I've managed to learn the traits that I'm missing, or cope with them somehow, but that doesn't make women attracted to me. Especially when I fear approaching them, because I'll be perceived negatively...and since it's the man's approach that makes or breaks a relationship, I simply cannot get "into" the part where I would be in a dating prospect.

If women are attracted to good social skills, and I have none, then that means that I won't be able to get into a relationship.


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30 Dec 2010, 8:51 pm

TallyMan wrote:
emlion wrote:
Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. :roll:


+1. My thoughts exactly.


Same. I had to bust my ass to get the relationship I have now. I was rejected countless times but I kept trying and it worked. Besides, life isn't on easy street once you have a relationship. It introduces many new problems in addition to the blessings. Each gender has their pros and cons. Deal with it. :/