Is it easier for aspie women than aspie men?

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Brainiac5
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04 Jan 2011, 1:15 pm

Bethie wrote:
What I get sick of are the incessant assertions that it's somehow easier for women because all we have to do is look attractive.

Being blessed with good looks is a positive regardless of gender or whether one is Aspie or NT-

what the hell does it have to do with the much larger group of ANY demographic that is average or even ugly? :?


I'm good looking. I know because I've had several women tell me. But for some reason still none of them want to date me.



billsmithglendale
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04 Jan 2011, 1:26 pm

The short answer -- it's totally easier for women, period. Supply and demand are on their side, though the demand for older women wanes pretty quickly from ages 35+.

The longer answer -- women make it harder on themselves (and guys) by being picky. This doesn't mean they are wrong to do so -- they have different stakes and risks, like being stuck with a kid. The law tries to even out some of these risks (like child support), but it doesn't completely work, and the woman still ends up carrying around a child in her for 9 months.

So -- I have a sister who is gorgeous, and who I'm sure lots of guys would like to date, but she's been dateless for a looong time. I think that has more to do with her being very picky, as I find it impossible to believe that other guys aren't hitting on her, unless she also is an aspie and can't spot the signals.



Brainiac5
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04 Jan 2011, 1:37 pm

Well, men usually are more direct about their signals than women are.



billsmithglendale
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04 Jan 2011, 1:46 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
Well, men usually are more direct about their signals than women are.


Yep -- I would think for that reason, it should be easier for women, at least to detect attraction (Aspies excluded).



Volodja
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04 Jan 2011, 1:46 pm

For every disadvantage/advantage someone can name for women, one can be named for men, and vice versa

Basically this kind of debate could go on and on forever, and is ultimately pointless



billsmithglendale
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04 Jan 2011, 2:57 pm

Volodja wrote:
For every disadvantage/advantage someone can name for women, one can be named for men, and vice versa

Basically this kind of debate could go on and on forever, and is ultimately pointless


No, I would say looking at the world should tell us our answer.

Are there prostitutes in the world today? (i.e. people who have sex or simulate a relationship for money) -- Yes

What gender are most prositutes, and who are their customers? Mostly women, and their customers are overwhelmingly male.

Are there male prostitutes, and who are their customers? Yes, there are a minority of male prostitutes, and once again, their customers are overwhelmingly male.

Seems to me to be a pretty good example of how supply and demand works for sex (a product of dating) -- my impression is that relationships are probably pretty closely related in terms of stats about supply and demand by gender. If you are the one in demand, life is definitely easier for you in terms of getting what people demand (and what you supply).



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04 Jan 2011, 3:28 pm

It's not as simple as that - we're not talking about products in a supermarket here.

I dont think the prostitution thing really backs up your argument well - most women don't want guys who are after them solely for sex. Yes, women can get sex easier than men (in general) imo. But does that mean they have it easier in relationships/dating altogether? No, there's more to it than just how many men/women are willing to f**k you



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04 Jan 2011, 3:37 pm

Volodja wrote:
It's not as simple as that - we're not talking about products in a supermarket here.

I dont think the prostitution thing really backs up your argument well - most women don't want guys who are after them solely for sex. Yes, women can get sex easier than men (in general) imo. But does that mean they have it easier in relationships/dating altogether? No, there's more to it than just how many men/women are willing to f**k you

yes, exactly. i would say that many women on this forum and elsewhere have explained how hard it is for them to establish a long-term relationship. what use is it to be able to obtain random sex when what they is something stable and lasting? not every woman wants an LTR, and not every man wants random sex. but the entire dating and sexual situation is hard for both genders.



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04 Jan 2011, 4:03 pm

Well, I think this topic might have gotten off on the wrong foot.
Everyone is different, and everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Everyone (male, female, AS, NT) has things that are easier for them than others, and things that are more difficult for them than others. I may struggle with social situations, but College Algebra was an easy A for me. Simply debating if one specific activity is easier for a certain group of people does mean that life is easy street all around.



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04 Jan 2011, 7:00 pm

ow wow, it's easier for a woman to get sex! What a WONDERFUL life we must lead then! Wow! Because sex is the most important thing in the world (if you're pathetic)



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04 Jan 2011, 7:06 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
Erisad wrote:
TallyMan wrote:
emlion wrote:
Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. :roll:


+1. My thoughts exactly.


Same. I had to bust my ass to get the relationship I have now. I was rejected countless times but I kept trying and it worked. Besides, life isn't on easy street once you have a relationship. It introduces many new problems in addition to the blessings. Each gender has their pros and cons. Deal with it. :/


Again, the assumption that if I don't have a GF, that's because I'm not trying. I've busted my ass as hard as I'm sure you have yours, and I have a 7 year lead on you, and with the exception of one woman who just looking someone easy to manipulate, I still have never gotten anything but rejection.


That's not what I said. Don't twist my words. I was just saying that was my experience. I kept the mantra "no risk, no reward" in my head. I'm sure you can find someone. It just takes time, effort and luck. :)



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04 Jan 2011, 7:21 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
ow wow, it's easier for a woman to get sex! What a WONDERFUL life we must lead then! Wow! Because sex is the most important thing in the world (if you're pathetic)


...or just a living thing with a sex drive. Is it not the goal of most animals (and plants) to reproduce? Does this act not stimulate extreme emotions of pleasure in certain animals, like humans? Is there a reason why a human (a normal one with a normal sex drive for their gender) wouldn't want to experience those same emotions and feelings, especially with another person? (as opposed to "self service")

The fact is, there are a whole bunch of folks on L&D, mostly men, who have never gotten to experience that act and don't want to pay for it (for a myriad of reasons) The fact that if you did pay for it, it would be expensive, and that it also is so highly sought after (by one gender in particular) that people will sacrifice many things important to them shows that it isn't just pathetic people who crave sex.

We're animals -- we're wired to want sex, and more, at certain ages. Not getting sex is a pretty damn important issue to a lot of us, especially those who want to reproduce like everything else on this planet does. The person who asked the question, I presume, is male, so I answered in in a male-relevant way.

But, I did reread the original question, and the OP said "relation". Not sure if he meant "get into a relationship" or "have sexual relations." If it's the former, I would still say it is easier for women -- just keep them coming back for more and talk in the spaces in between -- you'll find that's a quick way to have a guy around you ALL THE TIME. If you want a QUALITY relationship, well, different matter, and in that case I would give it closer to even odds, though it is still easier for a woman to get "leads" vs. a guy, all things held equal.

And if it's the latter, I definitely stick with my original argument.



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04 Jan 2011, 7:28 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ow wow, it's easier for a woman to get sex! What a WONDERFUL life we must lead then! Wow! Because sex is the most important thing in the world (if you're pathetic)


...or just a living thing with a sex drive. Is it not the goal of most animals (and plants) to reproduce? Does this act not stimulate extreme emotions of pleasure in certain animals, like humans? Is there a reason why a human (a normal one with a normal sex drive for their gender) wouldn't want to experience those same emotions and feelings, especially with another person? (as opposed to "self service")

The fact is, there are a whole bunch of folks on L&D, mostly men, who have never gotten to experience that act and don't want to pay for it (for a myriad of reasons) The fact that if you did pay for it, it would be expensive, and that it also is so highly sought after (by one gender in particular) that people will sacrifice many things important to them shows that it isn't just pathetic people who crave sex.

We're animals -- we're wired to want sex, and more, at certain ages. Not getting sex is a pretty damn important issue to a lot of us, especially those who want to reproduce like everything else on this planet does. The person who asked the question, I presume, is male, so I answered in in a male-relevant way.

But, I did reread the original question, and the OP said "relation". Not sure if he meant "get into a relationship" or "have sexual relations." If it's the former, I would still say it is easier for women -- just keep them coming back for more and talk in the spaces in between -- you'll find that's a quick way to have a guy around you ALL THE TIME. If you want a QUALITY relationship, well, different matter, and in that case I would give it closer to even odds, though it is still easier for a woman to get "leads" vs. a guy, all things held equal.

And if it's the latter, I definitely stick with my original argument.


I see what you're trying to say. But is it? Really? You know women who sleep with a lot of men aren't respected by those men don't you? They're seen as a joke and a service. Isn't the whole point of a relationship emotional caring and respect?

Have you seen the movie Easy A? Because thats what guys think of women who sleep around. They get a lot of attention but no respect. I don't see how being able to get sex as anything even CLOSE to a relationship.

What about when the man says he wants a relationship but really only an outlet to easy sex? Thats probably the most hurtful of all. I would rather die getting nothing than live a lifetime of that sort of pain.

Grass is greener syndrome here. Same probably applies to me, all in all you can't comment on the others problems unless you've lived them, and even then, the accounts won't be exact usually.

The last thing I want to say is the phrase "Its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" is untrue to me. Having your heart broken is one of the most terrible and emotionally painful feelings in the world.



NickfromCali
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04 Jan 2011, 10:56 pm

OK I am 51 years old, undiagnosed Asperger's (hoping that changes real soon) and have NEVER had a romantic relationship. I'm a bit overweight and on disability due to my depression (and the drugs I take). However when I was in my 20s I was normal weight, 6 feet tall and had a steady (I did not say GOOD) job. So please don't tell me it's easy for Aspies (I don't like that term) that are men to find a relationship.
OK I admit I have kinda high standards (no REAL fatties, no dummies, no smokers, etc.), but still...



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04 Jan 2011, 11:24 pm

Erisad wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
Erisad wrote:
TallyMan wrote:
emlion wrote:
Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. :roll:


+1. My thoughts exactly.


Same. I had to bust my ass to get the relationship I have now. I was rejected countless times but I kept trying and it worked. Besides, life isn't on easy street once you have a relationship. It introduces many new problems in addition to the blessings. Each gender has their pros and cons. Deal with it. :/


Again, the assumption that if I don't have a GF, that's because I'm not trying. I've busted my ass as hard as I'm sure you have yours, and I have a 7 year lead on you, and with the exception of one woman who just looking someone easy to manipulate, I still have never gotten anything but rejection.


That's not what I said. Don't twist my words. I was just saying that was my experience. I kept the mantra "no risk, no reward" in my head. I'm sure you can find someone. It just takes time, effort and luck. :)


Yes, luck is a big factor. And we all no that there is no amount of intellect, effort, or risk taking that will ever be sufficient to control luck.



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04 Jan 2011, 11:29 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
Erisad wrote:
TallyMan wrote:
emlion wrote:
Oh no, here comes another 'men have it so difficult' thread. :roll:


+1. My thoughts exactly.


Same. I had to bust my ass to get the relationship I have now. I was rejected countless times but I kept trying and it worked. Besides, life isn't on easy street once you have a relationship. It introduces many new problems in addition to the blessings. Each gender has their pros and cons. Deal with it. :/


Again, the assumption that if I don't have a GF, that's because I'm not trying. I've busted my ass as hard as I'm sure you have yours, and I have a 7 year lead on you, and with the exception of one woman who just looking someone easy to manipulate, I still have never gotten anything but rejection.


That's not what I said. Don't twist my words. I was just saying that was my experience. I kept the mantra "no risk, no reward" in my head. I'm sure you can find someone. It just takes time, effort and luck. :)


Yes, luck is a big factor. And we all no that there is no amount of intellect, effort, or risk taking that will ever be sufficient to control luck.


It's true. Why do you think people refer to having sex as getting lucky? Seriously, Lady Luck can be kind of a b***h and she seems to play favorites sometimes. She just so happened to smile on me on my first date with my bf. :)