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norwegianman1972
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07 Jan 2011, 1:04 pm

I have read this several places: "Great flirting requires mastery of eye contact". For me, eye contact is a very difficult thing and when I intentionally try to flirt with or get the attention from a woman, I very easily get nervous and thereby comes out as a wuss. I have been reading about different flirting technics, but they always adds that self confidence and mastery of eye contavt are essential. What sort of experiences does other guys have here?



LRitta
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07 Jan 2011, 1:20 pm

I'm not a guy, but I have the same eye contact issue. Turns out, nerobiologically speaking, that eye contact exceeding a certain number of seconds (I believe it is three) is almost nessecary to communicate affection. I found that researching definite science of attraction and interaction I could "tell myself" to do the things my peers do subconsiously when flirting. Thinking about my actions purposely made me feel more confident that I would have the desired result, and prevented me from retreating to my natural anxiety and awkwardness. It may be a "girly" resource, but I found "Super Flirt" by Tracey Cox to be very helpful. My NT friend Josh, who was always very well liked, had suggested it to me. I figured if it worked for him...



Grisha
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07 Jan 2011, 1:38 pm

I've heard that "serial" eye contact is pretty potent too. Look, look away, look again. That removes most doubt the the first glance was casual or accidental.

Just passing that along, I could never actually bring myself to do it personally...



norwegianman1972
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07 Jan 2011, 1:49 pm

Actually, it does happen that I eye-flirt with a woman unintentionally, but then it comes natural, not as something planned. I I know for sure that a woman is interested it is also much easier, the summer of 2009 I had a (unfortunately short-lasting) relationship to a woman here in Norway. Then she was the one that showed the first interest. It was actually a friend (that I met at an Asperger-group) that send her a picture of me on his mobile (I wasn´t aware of it). She replied that I was handsome (she had a very good taste :) ) and later asked to meet me. In that situation I wasn`t particularly nervous.



Simonono
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07 Jan 2011, 1:53 pm

I've never actually known what "flirting" is. I always speak very literally and I've never really spoken to a girl so flirting has never applied to me.



MidlifeAspie
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07 Jan 2011, 2:14 pm

Simonono wrote:
I've never actually known what "flirting" is. I always speak very literally and I've never really spoken to a girl so flirting has never applied to me.


Indeed. Flirting is a game I have no time for.



norwegianman1972
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07 Jan 2011, 2:16 pm

I just saw this one above: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt20753.html I guess I have to take a closer look at it. I have read some of David DeAngelos stuff (I borrowed it from the friend I mentioned above), but DeAngelo said that self-confidence is essential and that is my problem, I have difficulties with normal conversations, so of course "picking-up" is even harder. But I guess since this one is especially related to Asperger, some of the problems might be adressed there.



Volodja
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07 Jan 2011, 2:25 pm

I think I can flirt online but IRL? No chance :P



emlion
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07 Jan 2011, 2:27 pm

I like to flirt.
I prefer a more comedic type flirting which is so obvious that it makes the guys laugh whihc (apparently) is cute. :lol:
I also bite my lip when I flirt, although I don't mean to.



Bataar
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07 Jan 2011, 2:59 pm

Eye contact is difficult for me too. It seems almost as if I'm violating someone's space or something very rude like that.



Northeastern292
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07 Jan 2011, 2:59 pm

For me, I've found flirting to be easiest through lots of laughter and sweet talking, along with eye contact.



Bataar
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07 Jan 2011, 5:31 pm

Eye contact is difficult for me too. It seems almost as if I'm violating someone's space or something very rude like that.



DigitalDesperado
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07 Jan 2011, 10:45 pm

Flirting is fun and just feels great. But - I don't have a clue what to do next
You can't flirt without making good eye contact, so just do it - even if it hurts.

Practice eye contact by holding a strangers gaze until they look away first. It's kind of thrilling, like you just cheated death or something.



mikey1138
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09 Jan 2011, 9:51 am

Flirting eludes me. My wife points it out to me when other women are flirting with me and I am oblivious and then, sometimes, she says I come off as flirtatious to others but it's not my intention. But I'm happily married, so I've no need to worry about it anyway.



iwannabeadragon
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09 Jan 2011, 11:52 am

Volodja wrote:
I think I can flirt online but IRL? No chance :P


This is the same for me. I think I can flirt online (I really don't know, I believe I can) but irl, I can't. I can't because online I can sit and think about what I'm going to say before I do, and online I don't have to make eye contact.


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norwegianman1972
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09 Jan 2011, 12:46 pm

Actually, sometimes when I am on a site like tagged.com, I try to come to think of cocky and funny jokes to write as comment to a woman´s picture, but I cannot come to think of any. Besides it makes me feel that I am trying to give a false picture of myself, I feel somewwhat uncomfortable about it. Anyway, when I have tried I haven´t got any response so far.