Best friend confessed his attraction for me. Ick. Help?

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momsparky
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10 Jan 2011, 7:25 pm

emlion wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
emlion wrote:
I never told anyone this but he's hit me more than once. He scares me.


You've been assaulted and are scared/intimidated by your friend. Have you reported him?


he said no-one would believe me.
and he only does it for my own good.
because i do bad things.


This is typical. Again, this happens to lots and lots of people (a slightly different version happened to me once) and has NOTHING to do with you. Seriously, call one of those help lines and talk to someone. You are not whiny, you are not the b-word, you are not stupid. You have a whole community of people who care about you here, and all of us can see it.

It may seem like this guy is your only friend besides your boyfriend. When I was younger, around your age, I had many times when I felt I was totally alone with no friends. There was a time when I felt I had only the man who is now my husband. I now have many, many friends, people who really care for me and understand me - but it took time. You can't define yourself by or blame yourself for things you can't control at the moment - all this stuff will get better, and you will figure it out.

However - in order for all the good stuff life has in store for you, you need to be safe - your priority right now is to find whatever works for you to be safe. This friendship, from the small amount I've read about it, does not seem safe at all; not only does he harm and threaten you, but he causes you to want to harm yourself.

Stay safe - because someday, when you are forty, there will be a twenty-year-old girl who needs your help; it might even be your own daughter. Right now, don't think of this as a personal crisis - think of this as a time when you are learning how to help that girl twenty years from now. She will need you.



Brainiac5
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10 Jan 2011, 7:26 pm

emlion wrote:
My boyfriend would never cheat on me.
You have no right to even suggest that, you don't know me or him.

Your little rant has nothing to do with anything i've posted.
I trust my boyfriend with my life - and he's saved it on a few occasions literally where as my friend has hit me and some other things too.

Me and my boyfriend won't despise each other any time soon - he's also my best friend, he knows me inside and out, loves me for more than my blonde hair and looks.
My CARING and NON-VIOLENT boyfriend is the correct choice. In fact, there never was a choice to be made.

I just wanted to know if I should continue seeing my friend and if to share the information with my boyfriend.

Not to be be attacked as a whole on the female gender. A cure for being female? It makes me glad to be female when I see posts like that.

I'm done. I'm tired, this makes me cry. Whatever.


Perhaps you need to clarify which is your best friend, your boyfriend or this other guy.
I didn't read your post about him hitting you before. He doesn't sound like much of a friend.
Your OP made your situation sound like something very different.



Last edited by Brainiac5 on 10 Jan 2011, 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sallamandrina
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10 Jan 2011, 7:26 pm

Thank you for posting Stefan, I'm very glad that you're home with her.

Good luck to both of you, I wish you the best and I hope you sort this out.


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10 Jan 2011, 7:28 pm

emlion wrote:
Hello. Obviously none of you have ever spoken to me, but I thought it's best to just not leave it so Em doesn't reply incase you worry.
Anyway - i'm her boyfriend and thank you all for believing I would come back (I didn't leave out of choice a such)- don't worry she can't scare me away that easy. I love her very much.

I just read the whole thread and thanks for all the lovely things you say to her. I was only aware of the one time he hit her- and even then she should have kept the hell away. If there's other times, it may seem a little controlling of me, but there is no way he is ever seeing her again. Knowing this makes so many things make sense now which confused me in the past, especially how she is around him sometimes.

I'm going to look after her now and make sure she's safe and happier than it looks like she has been. Thank you all very much for keeping her safe - it's lovely to know she has a safe haven to be in, because life is a little overwhelming sometimes.

I hope this has come off okay, I just didn't want to leave it so she didn't clarify she would be okay overnight. But now she will.

Thanks again, you have no idea how grateful I am she's safe and not self-harmed herself. And I hope it's okay I posted this for her.

-Stefan.


Good on you! She does deserve such a good man like yourself. We appreciate you clarifying stuff for us. ^.^

P.S. Nice to meet you, sir. :)



Craig28
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10 Jan 2011, 7:29 pm

So Stefan is back and is with Emilion, right now? Posting from her place? Read the whole thread, spoke with an upset Emilion and written a post in 9 minutes?



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10 Jan 2011, 7:33 pm

emlion wrote:
Hello. Obviously none of you have ever spoken to me, but I thought it's best to just not leave it so Em doesn't reply incase you worry.
Anyway - i'm her boyfriend and thank you all for believing I would come back (I didn't leave out of choice a such)- don't worry she can't scare me away that easy. I love her very much.

I just read the whole thread and thanks for all the lovely things you say to her. I was only aware of the one time he hit her- and even then she should have kept the hell away. If there's other times, it may seem a little controlling of me, but there is no way he is ever seeing her again. Knowing this makes so many things make sense now which confused me in the past, especially how she is around him sometimes.

I'm going to look after her now and make sure she's safe and happier than it looks like she has been. Thank you all very much for keeping her safe - it's lovely to know she has a safe haven to be in, because life is a little overwhelming sometimes.

I hope this has come off okay, I just didn't want to leave it so she didn't clarify she would be okay overnight. But now she will.

Thanks again, you have no idea how grateful I am she's safe and not self-harmed herself. And I hope it's okay I posted this for her.

-Stefan.


Hi Stefan, glad to hear you're back, and I agree - from the sounds of it this guy needs to stay the hell away!


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Erisad
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10 Jan 2011, 7:34 pm

Craig28 wrote:
So Stefan is back and is with Emilion, right now? Posting from her place? Read the whole thread, spoke with an upset Emilion and written a post in 9 minutes?


He could have skimmed the thread. Also, some people can type really quickly when they know what to say. I am one of those people. She could have used the thread to help explain the situation if she was having difficulty talking about it. He's probably comforting her now. :)



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10 Jan 2011, 7:35 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
I guess this would go here.

Basically, my male best friend, got a little drunk last night, called me and told me all this stuff about how he loved me and how we should be together because he knows me more than anyone else.
The problem is, I don't feel the same way & love my boyfriend.

I don't want to have to tell him because they're really good friends too and I just don't want to rock the boat...

What should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend or what?


(This post is not targeted specifically at the author of the OP, but is the frustration I have with women in general.)

Typical. Give a girl the choice between someone that she knows she can trust with her life, someone who cares about her for who she is on the inside, not just her physical appearance; and someone she barely knows, but causes a temporary rush of brain chemicals that impairs her judgment. And who does she choose, every single time?
You want to know why this country has a %50 divorce rate? Because of people chasing after whoever is "hot" or "cool", and not even giving consideration to the one person who's proven to be the perfect match in every way that matters in the long term.
Statistics have proven that marriages between close friends have the highest success rate. You know that you and your best friend will likely still be close even in your old age, while you and your boyfriend will likely despise each other five years from now. Now, honestly, who do you think is the more logical choice to father your children? Many men realize this, but are always shut out by the stubborn stupidity of women in this regard.
When you do discover that your wonderful boyfriend has been cheating on you, and need a shoulder to cry on, don't be surprised if your best friend isn't available this time.
Forget about curing Autism; what the world needs most is a cure for being female.


Why do women go for guys like that? For the same reason guys go after women that constantly reject them...kind of like the guy she is describing. If someone isn't giving you the time of day, the natural response is to try and solve the problem, patch things up. So things are so good between Emlion and Stefan that she pushes him away (since there is nothing left to fix) Or at least that's how I see it. This is what happens when people spend more time trying to find happiness then they do just simply being happy. Same reason we want what we don't have. Humans like to learn about things. We are curious creatures.



emlion
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10 Jan 2011, 7:36 pm

Erisad wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
So Stefan is back and is with Emilion, right now? Posting from her place? Read the whole thread, spoke with an upset Emilion and written a post in 9 minutes?


He could have skimmed the thread. Also, some people can type really quickly when they know what to say. I am one of those people. She could have used the thread to help explain the situation if she was having difficulty talking about it. He's probably comforting her now.
:)


Exactly this.
She wouldn't speak any more than 'read this'. I skimmed it quickly, and just read it more carefully now after making that post.

Now i'm going to make her some sweet tea and run her a bath and hopefully she'll be much more relaxed and able to sleep soon and tomorrow morning we can talk through this and try and make sense of everything and create a plan of action on how to make her feel better.

Thank you for understanding.



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10 Jan 2011, 7:38 pm

Ah, glad this came to a happy endind. :D



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10 Jan 2011, 7:59 pm

emlion wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Craig28 wrote:
So Stefan is back and is with Emilion, right now? Posting from her place? Read the whole thread, spoke with an upset Emilion and written a post in 9 minutes?


He could have skimmed the thread. Also, some people can type really quickly when they know what to say. I am one of those people. She could have used the thread to help explain the situation if she was having difficulty talking about it. He's probably comforting her now.
:)


Exactly this.
She wouldn't speak any more than 'read this'. I skimmed it quickly, and just read it more carefully now after making that post.

Now i'm going to make her some sweet tea and run her a bath and hopefully she'll be much more relaxed and able to sleep soon and tomorrow morning we can talk through this and try and make sense of everything and create a plan of action on how to make her feel better.

Thank you for understanding.


No problem. I hope you two can figure this whole thing out in a manner that's efficient and as painless as possible. :)



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10 Jan 2011, 7:59 pm

Jonsi wrote:
Ah, glad this came to a happy endind. :D


I'd like to thank you Jonsi for being the only guy in this part of the thread who showed concern and tried to help. It's nice to meet you :sunny:


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Erisad
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10 Jan 2011, 8:01 pm

Sallamandrina wrote:
Jonsi wrote:
Ah, glad this came to a happy endind. :D


I'd like to thank you Jonsi for being the only guy in this part of the thread who showed concern and tried to help. It's nice to meet you :sunny:


I agree and shame on the guys who only used this thread to b***h about women. :shameonyou:



Craig28
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10 Jan 2011, 8:04 pm

Erisad wrote:
I agree and shame on the guys who only used this thread to b***h about women.


Obviously you don't understand the male perspective.



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10 Jan 2011, 8:10 pm

Erisad wrote:
Sallamandrina wrote:
Jonsi wrote:
Ah, glad this came to a happy endind. :D


I'd like to thank you Jonsi for being the only guy in this part of the thread who showed concern and tried to help. It's nice to meet you :sunny:


I agree and shame on the guys who only used this thread to b***h about women. :shameonyou:


Seconded, to both of you. :]

Quote:
Obviously you don't understand the male perspective.


:roll:


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Erisad
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10 Jan 2011, 8:11 pm

Craig28 wrote:
Erisad wrote:
I agree and shame on the guys who only used this thread to b***h about women.


Obviously you don't understand the male perspective.


Yes, because I am nothing but a terrible woman who only lives to spite men. Shame on me. :roll: