Would anyone here attempt to date another WPer?

Page 5 of 11 [ 154 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 11  Next

bewarethebob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 627

13 Jan 2011, 5:49 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I think its because people don't come here to hook up. I would date another wp member, only if we lived close to each other and hit it off, which is most likely extremely rare.


she makes a valid point. most of us are scattered around, and that being said, even meeting up is hard enough. much less anything more.

I have never tried it myself. actually, to answer your question



blueroses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,047
Location: Lancaster, PA

13 Jan 2011, 6:00 pm

Sorry to hear you had two bad experiences, Grisha. Maybe they saw that you frequent this forum a lot and jumped to conclusions too quickly about your intentions?

Many women with AS do have a history of being taken advantage of by men due to an inability to read social situations, having poor self-esteem, etc. and can be extra defensive as a result sometimes, so I hope you'll keep that in perspective and try not to take the severity of their responses too personally.

To answer the original question, I have dated people who are members here. One relationship in 2008 lasted about a year and ended for reasons that had nothing to do with this site. We actually met in person and later learned we were both members here, though. So, I don't think there is anything wrong with it necessarily, it's just very tough for most people to meet others on WP who are living in their area, like I did by chance.



Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,700
Location: USA

13 Jan 2011, 6:09 pm

Grisha wrote:
Meow101 wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Thanks for the interesting replies, and the gaming stuff is fun to read too even if I haven't got the slightest idea what they're talking about...

Just to clarify, I had interacted with them on the boards, they were in my age group, and there were absolutely no romantic overtures beyond the simple fact that I am male and they were female. I didn't write anything that I wouldn't think twice about writing to a guy - and I certainly was NOT looking for a "hook-up", or even a real-life date at that point. I couldn't possibly conceive of writing a more polite, non-threatening message.

Really, I was only interested in getting to know them in a more personal way because I thought it would be fun to see what other Aspies are like.

That's why I was so baffled/shocked, and quite frankly, offended by the response I got. When it happened again, I thought I must on to something. Either way, I won't be doing it again, unless they PM me first.


I'm a female Aspie and I wouldn't have reacted that way, even though I am reeling from a horrible breakup of a Internet-beginning relationship at this point and going through awful obsessional withdrawal. So, no, not all female Aspies are not like that. I would have simply said it's a very very bad time for me, can we remain friends?

~Kate


I would have been totally OK with that: just a polite, respectful reply to a polite, respectful message. Instead I get "f*ck off, pervert". Nice to know there are girls like you out there, and "get well soon" as far as your breakup goes :)


Thanks, and sorry about the bad grammar(not all female Aspies are not like that...LOLOL)...I was at work and not paying too much attention...:)

~Kate <----language geek


_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu


Moog
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,663
Location: Untied Kingdom

13 Jan 2011, 6:12 pm

blueroses wrote:
Sorry to hear you had two bad experiences, Grisha. Maybe they saw that you frequent this forum a lot and jumped to conclusions too quickly about your intentions?


I was thinking that. Grish, you do spend most of your WP time here in L&D, trying to work out how to get with the laydeeez... maybe they made a contextual judgment.

It's like talking to women at a Pick Up Artist convention, you know? Your intentions might be perfectly honourable, but the context...


_________________
Not currently a moderator


Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

13 Jan 2011, 6:24 pm

Moog wrote:
blueroses wrote:
Sorry to hear you had two bad experiences, Grisha. Maybe they saw that you frequent this forum a lot and jumped to conclusions too quickly about your intentions?


I was thinking that. Grish, you do spend most of your WP time here in L&D, trying to work out how to get with the laydeeez... maybe they made a contextual judgment.

It's like talking to women at a Pick Up Artist convention, you know? Your intentions might be perfectly honourable, but the context...


BlueRoses made the exact same observation, and maybe you're right :oops:

I never thought about it that way.

I hate those moments when you suddenly realize that your actions may have been interpreted in a way which is totally different than what you thought. Kind of like being in a crowd and suddenly realizing you're naked 8O

I am having one of those moments now.

How horrible, anyone who's been around here for a while knows I'm not like that.. :(



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

13 Jan 2011, 6:37 pm

Grisha wrote:
I would have been totally OK with that: just a polite, respectful reply to a polite, respectful message. Instead I get "f*ck off, pervert". Nice to know there are girls like you out there, and "get well soon" as far as your breakup goes :)


Sadly, you probably got whacked with that stick because many of the women here have dealt with perverts and grease bags who try and get into them in the way you did, and it leaves a bad name for the genuine guys out there. A lot of us also have experienced threats and violence if we try to be friendly in brushing them off instead of getting rid of them from the start. I even had to go to the police about a guy in my country from here.

I'm not saying any of this is an excuse for rudeness, but it's an explaination.



Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

13 Jan 2011, 6:53 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Grisha wrote:
I would have been totally OK with that: just a polite, respectful reply to a polite, respectful message. Instead I get "f*ck off, pervert". Nice to know there are girls like you out there, and "get well soon" as far as your breakup goes :)


Sadly, you probably got whacked with that stick because many of the women here have dealt with perverts and grease bags who try and get into them in the way you did, and it leaves a bad name for the genuine guys out there. A lot of us also have experienced threats and violence if we try to be friendly in brushing them off instead of getting rid of them from the start. I even had to go to the police about a guy in my country from here.

I'm not saying any of this is an excuse for rudeness, but it's an explaination.


I know, it's really sad/infuriating but true.

But just try to understand how it is to be lumped together with those losers, especially when you don't deserve it, and especially by someone you genuinely like.

I'm over it, and I will certainly cut them some slack, but it still hurts.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

13 Jan 2011, 7:26 pm

Grisha wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Grisha wrote:
I would have been totally OK with that: just a polite, respectful reply to a polite, respectful message. Instead I get "f*ck off, pervert". Nice to know there are girls like you out there, and "get well soon" as far as your breakup goes :)


Sadly, you probably got whacked with that stick because many of the women here have dealt with perverts and grease bags who try and get into them in the way you did, and it leaves a bad name for the genuine guys out there. A lot of us also have experienced threats and violence if we try to be friendly in brushing them off instead of getting rid of them from the start. I even had to go to the police about a guy in my country from here.

I'm not saying any of this is an excuse for rudeness, but it's an explaination.


I know, it's really sad/infuriating but true.

But just try to understand how it is to be lumped together with those losers, especially when you don't deserve it, and especially by someone you genuinely like.

I'm over it, and I will certainly cut them some slack, but it still hurts.


Yeah Its not your fault or the fault of any decent guys here. It can't be very nice, and i'm sorry that it happened to you.



Mindslave
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,052
Location: Where the wild things wish they were

13 Jan 2011, 8:13 pm

menintights wrote:
Wow, all this talk just reminds me of the time I stopped PMing someone and later found out he was dead.

He had his issues, but apparently I was a contributing factor and he thought I was rejecting him when in reality I stopped PMing him because I had my own issues.

I didn't even know he was attracted to me and was trying to get me to meet him in person. We did click well, but I always assumed we thought of each other as partners in crime rather than as anything else.


I always get confused as to whether you are male, female, neurotypical, or on the spectrum. It used to say female with Aspergers, and now it says male and neurotypical.



Mindslave
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,052
Location: Where the wild things wish they were

13 Jan 2011, 8:21 pm

blueroses wrote:
Sorry to hear you had two bad experiences, Grisha. Maybe they saw that you frequent this forum a lot and jumped to conclusions too quickly about your intentions?

Many women with AS do have a history of being taken advantage of by men due to an inability to read social situations, having poor self-esteem, etc. and can be extra defensive as a result sometimes, so I hope you'll keep that in perspective and try not to take the severity of their responses too personally.

To answer the original question, I have dated people who are members here. One relationship in 2008 lasted about a year and ended for reasons that had nothing to do with this site. We actually met in person and later learned we were both members here, though. So, I don't think there is anything wrong with it necessarily, it's just very tough for most people to meet others on WP who are living in their area, like I did by chance.


I met someone on Myspace who turned out to be a great friend. I met her brother once, and then she messages me (I didn't even realize she was on my friends list) and gives me her number (Delaware?? How am I supposed to hang out with her if she lives in freaking Delaware??) and we clicked. She is now married to the Devil, but it happens sometimes. Naturally, I don't talk to her anymore, because she only has time for her cancer. This other guy I met on a chatroom, and we were both making fun of the same person, and it turned out we went to rival high schools. Not only did he live in the same state as me (which is hard enough; everyone on there was from NY, PA, or CA) but he was 15 minutes away. So we were best friends for about 2 years, and then we went our own separate ways. In both cases, I wasn't trying to meet anyone, because if you try to meet someone, it never works well. If someone is a friend, trying isn't necessary. You either click or you don't. So if I were to date someone from WP, it would just so happen that we are both on this site, because otherwise it wouldn't even get to that point.



Beauty_pact
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Oct 2010
Age: 138
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,357
Location: Svíþjoð

13 Jan 2011, 8:57 pm

Yes, I would date someone from here. That is the main reason why I'm even posting here, to begin with. I'd be prepared to sort things out even if she lived at the other side of the world... why look close to where you live if the right one for you is more likely to live very far away? Some people are just too unique for regular dating, and the help of Internet is their best chance to find their true love. I personally don't even know wtf I am doing on this godforsaken planet... -_-; such a fùcked up, disgusting world. I try to keep my hope up, though, and I tend to manage to maintain it, all because of places like these... there is a girl out there, for me, who agrees with my "messed up" views, infinitely greatly values faithfulness, much like me, and hates the world as much as I do... just am yet to find her.



Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

14 Jan 2011, 12:01 am

Beauty_pact wrote:
Yes, I would date someone from here. That is the main reason why I'm even posting here, to begin with. I'd be prepared to sort things out even if she lived at the other side of the world... why look close to where you live if the right one for you is more likely to live very far away? Some people are just too unique for regular dating, and the help of Internet is their best chance to find their true love. I personally don't even know wtf I am doing on this godforsaken planet... -_-; such a fùcked up, disgusting world. I try to keep my hope up, though, and I tend to manage to maintain it, all because of places like these... there is a girl out there, for me, who agrees with my "messed up" views, infinitely greatly values faithfulness, much like me, and hates the world as much as I do... just am yet to find her.


Something tells me that "casting a wide net" is a really good idea in your case...



dunbots
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jan 2011
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,721
Location: Washington, USA

14 Jan 2011, 12:37 am

You never know, I found an amazing woman that lives very close to me. :) The person meant for you could very well live near you, you just have to look hard.



beccah
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 57

14 Jan 2011, 1:03 am

dunbots wrote:
You never know, I found an amazing woman that lives very close to me. :) The person meant for you could very well live near you, you just have to look hard.


:P This place should have a like button.



dunbots
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jan 2011
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,721
Location: Washington, USA

14 Jan 2011, 1:07 am

beccah wrote:
dunbots wrote:
You never know, I found an amazing woman that lives very close to me. :) The person meant for you could very well live near you, you just have to look hard.


:P This place should have a like button.

Hehehe, it should. :mrgreen: :wink: