How do you know what your "type" is?
Even I can figure out who I want to pursue, and they're not all that uncommon. But I need to know who I should pursue.
I suppose NTs just seem to know, or just learn by trial and error, who they are likely to connect with.
Maybe if I could figure this out I might actually get a second date some time...
I don't know if NTs have it any easier. There are tons of books devoted to this very subject for both men and women to sort out.
I figured it out from trial and error, from therapy and discussions with friends, from just being in touch with my own heart and desires. I know it takes more than one date with someone to know if they're an option. The question you should have at the end of the first date is if you'd like to spend more time with her. If the answer is "yes", then ask for a second date. Don't make any quick decisions too early on.
I suppose NTs just seem to know, or just learn by trial and error, who they are likely to connect with.
Maybe if I could figure this out I might actually get a second date some time...
I was thinking a very similar thing this afternoon on the way to work. (excuse my philosophical b******s) but I believe: the more choice you give yourself the harder it is and I have applied this theory to more stuff than dating. I've still not figured out exactly what my type is. I need to first figure out whether 'type' is in a looks, salary, or personality context
You might just not have a type really. I know a couple people who have very specific ideas about what they like in a partner, but I've dated several people and found that I don't really have a type. I have a 'type' on paper (what comes to mind when I think of what's attractive), but that isn't always what's necessarily the best for me.
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After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.
--Spock
I figured it out from trial and error, from therapy and discussions with friends, from just being in touch with my own heart and desires. I know it takes more than one date with someone to know if they're an option. The question you should have at the end of the first date is if you'd like to spend more time with her. If the answer is "yes", then ask for a second date. Don't make any quick decisions too early on.
The answer is often "yes" i do want to see her again, which is not surprising because as a man I get to choose who I go out with. Of course women get to choose too, but only between saying "yes or no" to a man who asked them out first. A truly idiotic state of affairs, but nothing that's going to change anytime soon.
So I ask for a second date, and lately the answer has been invariably "no"
It's taken a long time for me to figure out what my type is, and how I know when a guy is my type? He makes me feel comfortable and he makes me smile. It's a combination you can't find just by looking at a guy, so it takes me a bit more time to find someone who is my type than some other people I guess.
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If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.
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RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Even if they don't feel the same way about you?
That's what I'm really getting at: what type of woman (in general, of course) has a higher probability of actually liking [/I]me[/I] in return?
My first answer? The type of woman who likes a guy like you. My second answer is: Since is it often harder for individuals with Asperger's to judge the type of person someone is or to read signals about themselves, it might be easier if you can take the time to get to know a woman outside of the dating realm first. I know this is a bit more difficult than it sounds, and it always leaves that dreaded "just friends" scenario hanging out there. I know for me, it is much easier to know if a guy is what I am looking for, and if he is interested, if I can get to know him without the pressure of "does he like me??" hanging over my head. A situation like this also gives you a chance to show that you can be comfortable with her and that might help ease some of the anxiety you feel when in a pressured social situation.
_________________
If I tell you I'm unique, and you say, "Yeah, we all are," you've missed the whole point.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
RAADS-R: 187.0
Language: 15.0 • Social Relatedness: 81.0 • Sensory/Motor: 52.0 • Circumscribed Interests: 40.0
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
I don't really think there is such a thing as a particular type, for me at least. When you click with someone you just click. If you like her and she likes you, then you are each other's type, but I don't think it's something you can predict ahead of time.
I always see people making lists of what they would like in their ideal mate, but when you actually meet someone with whom you click, then all of that just goes right out the window. It could be someone who has none of the characteristics on your list.
Grisha, my vague recollection of the research on long term, romantic relationships/ marriage, is that the more similar two people are to each other, the greater the chance of "success" / the lower the likelihood of relationship will end. I believe this is quite well established for basic characteristics such as age, religion, education level, etc. (Although, keep in mind that these are general trends. I'm sure there are individual cases of quite different people in long, happy marriages.) There is probably some research on shorter term relationships, such as getting a second date. You could try searching the literature:
http://scholar.google.com
http://oedb.org/library/features/best-o ... arch-sites
Some dating web sites try to utilise this principle by focusing on specific niches (e.g. http://www.sciconnect.com/ ). Other dating web sites claim to have developed special algorithms/ models for successfully matching people. The following article discusses three such companies:
"How Do I Love Thee?"
''A growing number of Internet dating sites are relying on academic researchers to develop a new science of attraction. A first hand report from the front lines of an unprecedented social experiment.''
By Lori Gottlieb
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... thee/4602/
(I recommend you take the "science", discussed in that article, with a grain of salt.)
The catch, of course, is that these web sites charge $£¥€s. Are they worth the cost? I don't know, I've never used them. (For a critique, see, "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating" < http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/why-y ... ne-dating/ >.)
http://scholar.google.com
http://oedb.org/library/features/best-o ... arch-sites
Some dating web sites try to utilise this principle by focusing on specific niches (e.g. http://www.sciconnect.com/ ). Other dating web sites claim to have developed special algorithms/ models for successfully matching people. The following article discusses three such companies:
"How Do I Love Thee?"
''A growing number of Internet dating sites are relying on academic researchers to develop a new science of attraction. A first hand report from the front lines of an unprecedented social experiment.''
By Lori Gottlieb
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/arc ... thee/4602/
(I recommend you take the "science", discussed in that article, with a grain of salt.)
The catch, of course, is that these web sites charge $£¥€s. Are they worth the cost? I don't know, I've never used them. (For a critique, see, "Why You Should Never Pay For Online
Dating" < http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/why-y ... ne-dating/ >.)
Thanks for this.
As fa as general compatibility goes, I think that politics and religion are very important. I need a liberal atheist or similar. Formal educational credentials are irrelevant, but I'll admit if there are too many "obvious" misspelled words in a profile, it's kind of a red flag to me.
Beyond that, I'm baffled. I try to avoid really extroverted people, but I haven't actually done all that well with relatively introverted ones either.
And then for some reason I have this vague notion of "aesthetic compatibility", I kind of
have the notion that the person I am with should look a certain way that's very difficult to define - like we "belong" together - I really need to lose this one, I think...
I suppose NTs just seem to know, or just learn by trial and error, who they are likely to connect with.
Maybe if I could figure this out I might actually get a second date some time...
this is true.
I found out i really like odd women and gamer girls. Because i connect with them. Artists and the such.
You might feel diffrently, but i would go ahead and experiment. Find out who you tend to attract towards, and who you stay away from