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flamemasterelan
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24 Feb 2011, 5:56 pm

So, I'm not sure how to start this off...I guess the easiest way is to just jump in?

Met this girl in class this semester. Pretty, smart, nice, etc. You know the drill. Anyway, I started thinking maybe she likes me. I mean, when we see eachother, she usually greets me first. The first day we talked, I accidently walked her to her car after class(I was walking, and talking to her, and I said "bye" about halfway, but she was parked near the smoking section, so we ended up walking the rest of the way together. Kind of awkward until she started talking to me again....). After that, she started sitting next to me in class, and when we're waiting for the last class to get out, she usually sits next to me on the loveseat. Without asking, or anything. She also expected me to walk her to her car after the next class(I waited behind to say "bye," and she told me she had to go to the bathroom first, so I'm assuming that I was expected to go with her?). Anyway, after that, I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, and she agreed to come out to play pool with me, though she had to check her schedule first. If I were a little bolder, I probably would've asked for her number, but, eh.

Anyway, since then, she's been absent from class. On the first day, I was kinda paranoid that she was avoiding making plans, but when she came in on Monday and had to leave early to make a doctor's appointment, I figured she was probably really sick. But, I currently have two problems.

1. I took notes for her on the first day she was absent, and I gave them to her and she didn't seem bothered by it(she said thank you, and accepted them). But, this last class, the teacher handed out our assignment packets about five minutes before class started, and I set one aside for when she got there, but she was absent again, so now I have two. Should I give this to her on Monday, assuming she's in class? Or should I just get rid of it? I don't want to come across as creepy, and I find that any time I "go out of my way" for someone else, I tend to get labelled as such.

2. Uh...how do I ask her about our pool plans now?

Sorry about being a bother, I'm just lost in all of this.



against_the_clock
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24 Feb 2011, 6:09 pm

1 You could just bring up the fact that you have an extra packet without implying that you saved it for her (I personally wouldn't be worried about coming off as creepy if you just save a packed that she needs). Then if she wants it you can give it to her. Or wait for her to bring up the fact that she doesn't have a packet to mention it. (but all this is over-thinking things, it really doesn't matter)

2 You don't. If she wants to hang out she will ask you about them. If she had to check her schedule and didn't bring it up to you later, it might just mean that she was busy that day. Again don't worry about it. If things happen they happen, if they don't they don't, don't try to force things. But there is also nothing wrong with asking her about hanging out some other time, just try not to ask too much.

(I am autistic as well, but I feel like I have already learned these lessons)

Good luck.



Tahitiii
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24 Feb 2011, 6:09 pm

Ok, so when you actually see her, she seems friendly.
It's just that she hasn't been in class.
That could be for any number of reasons.
Don't get creepy, but don't write her off, either.
Relax and continue with your life, but leave the door open.
It's too soon be sure of anything.



flamemasterelan
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24 Feb 2011, 6:16 pm

against_the_clock wrote:
1 You could just bring up the fact that you have an extra packet without implying that you saved it for her (I personally wouldn't be worried about coming off as creepy if you just save a packed that she needs). Then if she wants it you can give it to her. Or wait for her to bring up the fact that she doesn't have a packet to mention it. (but all this is over-thinking things, it really doesn't matter)

2 You don't. If she wants to hang out she will ask you about them. If she had to check her schedule and didn't bring it up to you later, it might just mean that she was busy that day. Again don't worry about it. If things happen they happen, if they don't they don't, don't try to force things. But there is also nothing wrong with asking her about hanging out some other time, just try not to ask too much.

(I am autistic as well, but I feel like I have already learned these lessons)

Good luck.

Well, she seemed open to going out, it's just that she had to check her work schedule for the week. Then she was sick on the day we were supposed to see eachother again(we only have one class together, so I only see her on Mondays and Wednesdays). The next Monday, she came in, but had to leave a half hour early for a doctor's appointment, so we didn't get to talk about much more than why she was missing and for me to give her last class' notes. (most of our conversation takes place after class, while I walk her back to her car)

Next time we see eachother will be at least two weeks from when I asked her out, so I was thinking there's no harm in asking her again, and actually trying to get her number, but I don't know how to go about it is all.

Edit: It doesn't help that this fairly simple exchange has been complicated by my best friend, who keeps adding subtext and context to every single thing I say or do with her. Like I have to ask for her number, or I'm in the Friend Zone. But I can't suggest we exchange phone numbers, because then she'll think I'm gay. And a good dozen or two other things he shoved in my head the day before I saw her again that's making it really difficult for me to even talk to her, but I'm pretty sure that's another story...



against_the_clock
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24 Feb 2011, 6:32 pm

flamemasterelan wrote:

Next time we see eachother will be at least two weeks from when I asked her out, so I was thinking there's no harm in asking her again, and actually trying to get her number, but I don't know how to go about it is all.


It is generally better to leave space, that is far more attractive and shows that you don't need to worry about asking women to hang out all the time to get them to hang out with you. I can't give you advice on specifics, but just wait a while and don't think about this so much. You can ask her again when you see her, but she seems busy if she keeps being absent from class. As a general rule you don't want to initiate contact more than the other person does. If you initiate conversation with her, then you should wait and see if she if she initiates conversation with you. (but this can be bent slightly)

Try walking away from class without attempting to initiate conversation with her, and see if she follows you and talks to you instead, you might have to do this a few times before she does. But this will give you a clue that she is actually interested in having a conversation with you... liking you is a whole nother story though.



against_the_clock
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24 Feb 2011, 6:36 pm

Quote:
that's making it really difficult for me to even talk to her, but I'm pretty sure that's another story...

Yeah I can tell by the way you are writing this that you are thinking too much about this. That will seem unatural. Plus would you really want someone who liked you for being unnatural around her? If you overthink things and talk to her differently than your other friends, does she really like you even if she likes you?... you know what I mean.



flamemasterelan
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24 Feb 2011, 6:41 pm

against_the_clock wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:

Next time we see eachother will be at least two weeks from when I asked her out, so I was thinking there's no harm in asking her again, and actually trying to get her number, but I don't know how to go about it is all.


It is generally better to leave space, that is far more attractive and shows that you don't need to worry about asking women to hang out all the time to get them to hang out with you. I can't give you advice on specifics, but just wait a while and don't think about this so much. You can ask her again when you see her, but she seems busy if she keeps being absent from class. As a general rule you don't want to initiate contact more than the other person does. If you initiate conversation with her, then you should wait and see if she if she initiates conversation with you. (but this can be bent slightly)

Try walking away from class without attempting to initiate conversation with her, and see if she follows you and talks to you instead, you might have to do this a few times before she does. But this will give you a clue that she is actually interested in having a conversation with you... liking you is a whole nother story though.

I've actually been testing that part since ourfirst conversation. I'm used to being the annoying one, so after we first talked, I decided not to approach her, and see if she came to me. That's when she switched seats and started sitting next to me. The next class, she was the one who greeted me, and started striking up conversation before we even entered class.



TheWeirdPig
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25 Feb 2011, 12:30 pm

flamemasterelan wrote:
But I can't suggest we exchange phone numbers, because then she'll think I'm gay.


Huh?



flamemasterelan
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25 Feb 2011, 3:21 pm

TheWeirdPig wrote:
flamemasterelan wrote:
But I can't suggest we exchange phone numbers, because then she'll think I'm gay.


Huh?

That's what my friend says. If I say "exchange numbers" she'll think I'm gay. I don't really understand it, either.

To be honest, my friend is just piling a whole lot of pressure on me for no reason. I'm TRYING to remain casual. I'm TRYING to do the whole "Let's go out, see if we like eachother bit." I don't want to get Friend Zoned right off the bat, but I'm not pushing "I want a relationship!" until we get to know eachother better. But he's putting all this crap inside my head about how I have to do things X way, and don't say Y, and how a week is a really long time, and she probably shoved me into the Friend Zone just because we couldn't contact eachother, etcetera, etcetera ad nauseum.

Last time I saw her, I *tried* to talk to her, but with everything he said in the back of my head, I just wasn't comfortable speaking to her. Luckily, she had to leave class early for a doctor's appointment, as she's been ill the last week, so by the time I see her again, I should have gotten his advice out of my head. Hopefully.



TheWeirdPig
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27 Feb 2011, 9:47 am

He may be well meaning (or maybe not), but it seems as though your friend is sabotaging your chances. May want to avoid his advice for a while.



mangos
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27 Feb 2011, 10:48 am

flamemasterelan wrote:
But I can't suggest we exchange phone numbers, because then she'll think I'm gay.


This doesn't make sense. Asking to exchange numbers is fine. I fail to see how that act alone will land you in the friend zone.



simon_says
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27 Feb 2011, 11:31 am

You need to be yourself, not run down a list provided by your friend. It's really the simplest thing in the world so don't over think it.



TheWeirdPig
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27 Feb 2011, 11:40 am

simon_says wrote:
You need to be yourself, not run down a list provided by your friend. It's really the simplest thing in the world so don't over think it.


But don't under think it either.



against_the_clock
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27 Feb 2011, 12:01 pm

TheWeirdPig wrote:
simon_says wrote:
You need to be yourself, not run down a list provided by your friend. It's really the simplest thing in the world so don't over think it.


But don't under think it either.


And don't listen too much to people on the internet either. XD



flamemasterelan
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27 Feb 2011, 12:50 pm

TheWeirdPig wrote:
He may be well meaning (or maybe not), but it seems as though your friend is sabotaging your chances. May want to avoid his advice for a while.

The best advice I've gotten recently was to ignore him, since he's only dated two girls and married them both. And he really should be concentrating on not getting his second ex-wife, instead of giving people dating advice because he has "lots of female friends."

But, yeah, I'm pretty sure he's actually trying to sabotage me, though it might seem a bit paranoid to say that. I'm currently trying to figure out whether having the one friend I have is actually worth the amount of damage he's doing to my self-esteem right now.



TheWeirdPig
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27 Feb 2011, 12:56 pm

flamemasterelan wrote:
TheWeirdPig wrote:
He may be well meaning (or maybe not), but it seems as though your friend is sabotaging your chances. May want to avoid his advice for a while.

The best advice I've gotten recently was to ignore him, since he's only dated two girls and married them both. And he really should be concentrating on not getting his second ex-wife, instead of giving people dating advice because he has "lots of female friends."

But, yeah, I'm pretty sure he's actually trying to sabotage me, though it might seem a bit paranoid to say that. I'm currently trying to figure out whether having the one friend I have is actually worth the amount of damage he's doing to my self-esteem right now.


I had a friend who gave me bad advice. At first I was pissed and hurt. Then I took his advice, thinking what I was doing wasn't working. bad choice. It ended up making matters worse. Way worse. I think he thought he was helping, but the advice was cynical was given because he felt like s**t himself. It was a tough lesson learned.