Some notes on OKCupid

Page 1 of 2 [ 25 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,593
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

09 Mar 2011, 6:29 pm

I've noticed someting uncanny about OKCupid vs. Eharmony, on Eharmony I'll get lots of hits, good response rate, OKCupid, nothing, additionally zero responses out of...twenty tries from my side? Some will look at my profile, some may be doing so but I can't tell - its not shared. Just a few days ago I had one of the same girls who I had contacted on OKCupid who hadn't responded to me there go out of her way to talk to me on Eharmony. The only big difference - pictures, that's all I can really come up with - in my OKCupid picture I might pass as being in my early 20's, in my main Eharmony picture I have more of a vibe perhaps reflect something a bit more moody.

The other thing I've noticed, when I go to the who's viewed me section of OKCupid and I look at the percentage match of the girls who've visited - they average match percentage is 60%. So it seems like that doesn't factor in much at all.

I'm really having a hard time not coming to the conclusion that women are are just as visual as guys are but to different ends? For guys its more looks, for women its who a guy looks like he should be or how much older than his actual age he looks.

_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

09 Mar 2011, 6:46 pm

Doesn't Eharmony have a lot of dead profiles though?

poppyfields
Deinonychus

Joined: 23 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

09 Mar 2011, 6:50 pm

Well eharmony is a pay site and okcupid is free. If you're paying for it, you are more likely to be serious about the process.

techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,593
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

09 Mar 2011, 6:52 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Doesn't Eharmony have a lot of dead profiles though?

No difference really with that and OKCupid from what I've seen. Eharmony was annoying when I had all the names in sort of a semi-alphabetical old/new order where I had to scroll back to page 33 to find new matches. Now I have it in chronological order, newest first, this way I check what I want. OK is loaded, in my area, with people who haven't been on since last march or April, I get the impression most people try it for a few months and quit (likely Eharmony's no different - just that they'll typically close those out).

There have been some where someone would look at my Eharmony profile, I go to look at theirs later and its already closed - which has me wondering how much of a Hunter Thompson Fear and Loathing they pulled to get kicked out that fast. The big mystery of OKCupid though seems to be the 0%, 0%, 0%ers with photos and no profile, still haven't figured out what that's about.

_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.

techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,593
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

09 Mar 2011, 6:56 pm

poppyfields wrote:

Well eharmony is a pay site and okcupid is free. If you're paying for it, you are more likely to be serious about the process.

What happened with that cross over could just be an anomaly as well but, if I start seeing more if it I'd have to figure there's more to it.

_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.

Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

09 Mar 2011, 8:49 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

It could very well be that the women on OKCupid are looking for something different (both a different kind of relationship, or a different kind of man) than Eharmony.

Eharmony is a pay site, no? So it stands to reason that the women there are serious about finding a lasting relationship with someone with whom they are compatible- maybe you have more qualities that fit this criteria than you do qualities someone looking for casual would like?

I have an OKC and haven't had a message in weeks- of course I throw out all my gnarly eccentricities as a sort of filter against those who couldn't deal.

Eharmony won't let me register, however.

_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.

Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

10 Mar 2011, 8:28 am

Eharmony won't let some ppl register???? What's up with that?

I have an OKC because my husband is fine with me seeing other people/polyamory and I'm very VERY cautiously looking at friendships with other people and seeing what happens (nothing sexual so far, but some VERY nice beginnings) and I've been getting reasonable responses. though limited by my own shyness/introversion and caution due to still obsessing/hurting over the last relationship. I don't want to pay for anything because (a) I'm not looking for a life partner, as I already have one and (b) I'm still hurting from that relationship last year and I'm not eager to jump into anything. I wasn't aware that they actually didn't LET some people register! How weird is that?

~Kate

_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu

Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

10 Mar 2011, 5:48 pm

Meow101 wrote:

Well, you have to register (last I was on) in order to take their 3 hour long Big Deal Personality Test or whatever it's called, and at the end, it said something like "Because you don't fit into one of our pre-defined personality types, you will not benefit from our service."

Wow. Thanks for wasting a chunk of my life. :evil:

Zur-Darkstar
Deinonychus

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 332

10 Mar 2011, 9:49 pm

I think part of the problem with OKCupid may be that when you answer a lot of questions, you are much more likely to catch one that is a dealbreaker for the other person. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but I suspect it happens.

_________________
Self-Diagnosed Dec. 2010
135 Aspie, 65 NT--Aspie Quiz
AQ 40
BAPD--124 aloof, 88 rigid, 83 pragmatic
EQ/SQ--21/78--Extreme systematizing

techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,593
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

10 Mar 2011, 10:34 pm

Zur-Darkstar wrote:

Do they even sit there and read through all the questions though? When most of the girls viewing my page are between 50 and 70% it seems like they've been far from ambitious in terms of looking at substance.

_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.

starygrrl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Apr 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 795

11 Mar 2011, 12:27 am

OKcupid most users will not take you seriously unless you answer several hundred questions, honestly close to 1000. Also OKcupid skews younger and more towards casual dating. If you are only looking for something serious early on you will get a pass and less hits. I can go into all the details, but there is an art and methodology to OKcupid, you have to be aware of it to make it work for you. I get tons of hits and tons of guys flirting, even when it is pretty clear I don't respond often and I am in a relationship. But I am also open and poly, which gets higher response rates on OKcupid. Even though I am not looking now.

Education and income also matter to OKcupid, it is literally in many cases a dating site for the highly educated. There is also a response matrix within OKcupid, who and who will not be more likely to get responses. Basically OKcupid pays off for educated users who understand how OKcupid works and appreciate the matching algorithms. Most people will not respond to folks below a certian very high match %. My match % with my partner is 96% for example. He is an Alphanerd who played an important role with regards to the foundational structure of the internet, I am an analyst who has an interest in the singularity. There is such a positive feedback loop for us that we improve each others intellectual capabilities and knowledge base.

OKcupid rewards smart users and casual daters, and those who are bit more outside the norm. Eharmony is more for those who are hetro-normative looking to get married. If somebody asked me if Okcupid was right for them, I would have to go through a litany of questions. Its not right for everybody. Its right for the people in the creative and knowledge class more than anything, the freaks and geeks.

What I am saying it really depends on what you are looking for.

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

11 Mar 2011, 1:18 am

starygrrl wrote:

OKcupid rewards smart users and casual daters, and those who are bit more outside the norm. Eharmony is more for those who are hetro-normative looking to get married. If somebody asked me if Okcupid was right for them, I would have to go through a litany of questions. Its not right for everybody. Its right for the people in the creative and knowledge class more than anything, the freaks and geeks.

What if i'm a smart person in the creative and knowledge class, but looking for something more long-term? I do get a few responses every now and then (like you pointed out, a high match % helps), but usually any developed interest tapers off after the second message. I don't think that has anything to do with OKCupid though, only my own shittiness as being anyone interesting to talk to...

Cyanide
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Sep 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,003
Location: The Pacific Northwest

11 Mar 2011, 2:50 am

I met my current gf on OKC, though it took about 3 years and moving to a different city. :lol:

Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

11 Mar 2011, 3:37 am

starygrrl wrote:

OKcupid most users will not take you seriously unless you answer several hundred questions, honestly close to 1000.

Eharmony is more for those who are hetro-normative looking to get married. If somebody asked me if Okcupid was right for them, I would have to go through a litany of questions.

I've answered 800-something on OKC- the only ones left are the ones like "Are you a Buddhist?" "What's your diet like?"
and crap that's default info on my profile.

I'm hetero, and looking for marriage, but I can't get through to the main part of Eharmony, and I'm really not able to pay for it if I was.

techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,593
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

11 Mar 2011, 6:45 am

starygrrl wrote:

So with 1700 something questions answered I'm already off to a great start. Maybe my bachelors and 40-50k might not be enough education though? I talk about being in-depth into music, philosophy, and martial arts.... I don't 'think' I'd come off as a dumb jock but, what do I know.

I think it could just be that it doesn't work the same way for everyone, ie. everyone could do it right and get very different results. I'd swear by now though, from a guy's side with women, it seems like it has much less to do with a good profile and much more to do with the nonverbals your giving off in your main photo, what kind of role you project, how weathered or virile you look, etc.

_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.

starygrrl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 12 Apr 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 795

11 Mar 2011, 10:09 am

Bethie wrote:

starygrrl wrote:

Looking for marriage intially is not good for OKcupid. The truth is the average person these days wants to test people out in a casual relationship first and move on from there if it works. I am not saying there are not successful relationships there, but the site is more reflective of its younger gen x and y urban userbase. "Looking for marriage" is kind of a red flag these days whether you are male or female, they are more cautious about that type of committment. They want to make sure the relationship works, often for several years, before getting married. In fact there is a geographic divide. The early marriage types in the south are also more likely to get divorced, while the people in Mass. who tend to get married in thier thirties and often have established LTR for years before getting married, have a much lower divorce rate. I can go into the reasons for this, but my advice is NOT TO LOOK FOR MARRIAGE. Look for a short term or long term relationship, drop looking for marriage out of your profile even if that is what you ultimately want, just be more aware that these days getting to the marriage point may take years.

Page 1 of 2 [ 25 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Jump to:

Some notes on OKCupid Post Reply New Topic

Some notes on OKCupid