Have Any of You Dated a Neurotypical Female?

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hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 2:53 pm

SadAspy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I care way more about social skills and confidence than looks. Its no worse than you guys caring about looks more.


True, but it's not any better either. The fact that women place so much emphasis on socials skills makes things difficult for men with AS.

I just don't understand why women need to have loud, boisterous, extroverted men. Is a shy, reserved guy just so terrible?


What the others said. That does not = confidence and people skills. Usually those men are only faking confidence.
Also, you not liking ugly women makes it difficult for them. Just look at that space guys thread. Fair? I think so. Deal with it - we have to deal with being descriminated on based on our looks.



SadAspy
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13 Mar 2011, 2:57 pm

wefunction wrote:
SadAspy wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I care way more about social skills and confidence than looks. Its no worse than you guys caring about looks more.


True, but it's not any better either. The fact that women place so much emphasis on socials skills makes things difficult for men with AS.

I just don't understand why women need to have loud, boisterous, extroverted men. Is a shy, reserved guy just so terrible?


loud, boisterous, extroverted =/= confidence

shy, reserved =/= lacks confidence

Edit: Darn it. emlion already posted what I was gonna say!


Not necessarily. Someone who talks a lot could be very insecure, while someone who talks little could be so confident they don't feel the need to boast.

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lol I think you need to get out more. Women are not all carbon copies and don't all like the same things in men.


Maybe. I realize most introverted guys do eventually get a girl, but you can't deny it's a lot harder for them.



emlion
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13 Mar 2011, 2:58 pm

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Not necessarily. Someone who talks a lot could be very insecure, while someone who talks little could be so confident they don't feel the need to boast.


...that's what we said.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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13 Mar 2011, 2:59 pm

SadAspy wrote:

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lol I think you need to get out more. Women are not all carbon copies and don't all like the same things in men.


Maybe. I realize most introverted guys do eventually get a girl, but you can't deny it's a lot harder for them.


Sure it is, but that's just because it takes a woman longer to get to know them.


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Tequila
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13 Mar 2011, 3:02 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Also, you not liking ugly women makes it difficult for them.


There are a lot of women that most would find ugly that get me rock hard. So it's not as simple as that.

People are people and all want different things. We are not all the same. Some of my preferences would repulse most people. That's up to them.

And can I ask you why on Earth you have me as your avatar hale_bopp? ;)



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 3:05 pm

Tequila wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Also, you not liking ugly women makes it difficult for them.


There are a lot of women that most would find ugly that get me rock hard. So it's not as simple as that.

People are people and all want different things. We are not all the same. Some of my preferences would repulse most people. That's up to them.

And can I ask you why on Earth you have me as your avatar hale_bopp? ;)


Well You're different to most guys - not shallow, and it's a refreshing change. So many guys around here all want a "hot" girl and whine about it.

And the avatar is me! :P



SadAspy
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13 Mar 2011, 3:05 pm

emlion wrote:
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Not necessarily. Someone who talks a lot could be very insecure, while someone who talks little could be so confident they don't feel the need to boast.


...that's what we said.


Then why do women prefer lthe "loud, boisterous, extroverted" types? Before you say "I don't!" okay fine, but I've never met women like this in real life. Ever. Sure, I've had plenty on the internet claim it, but actions speaks louder than words.



emlion
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13 Mar 2011, 3:07 pm

SadAspy wrote:
emlion wrote:
Quote:
Not necessarily. Someone who talks a lot could be very insecure, while someone who talks little could be so confident they don't feel the need to boast.


...that's what we said.


Then why do women prefer lthe "loud, boisterous, extroverted" types? Before you say "I don't!" okay fine, but I've never met women like this in real life. Ever. Sure, I've had plenty on the internet claim it, but actions speaks louder than words.


I love confident guys.
But the ones who need to show it off?
Once you get past being a teenager that's boring and tiresome.
Action speak louder than words indeed - hence why i'm dating a guy who is confident but quiet and reserved.



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 3:08 pm

SadAspy wrote:
emlion wrote:
Quote:
Not necessarily. Someone who talks a lot could be very insecure, while someone who talks little could be so confident they don't feel the need to boast.


...that's what we said.


Then why do women prefer lthe "loud, boisterous, extroverted" types? Before you say "I don't!" okay fine, but I've never met women like this in real life. Ever. Sure, I've had plenty on the internet claim it, but actions speaks louder than words.


They don't. They prefer confidence, and faked confidence is good enough for some of them. You can tell if a guy is confident or not without talking to him, so a quiet confident guy doesn't need to yell about it, confidence is like a aura that can be detected.



Last edited by hale_bopp on 13 Mar 2011, 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Chronos
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13 Mar 2011, 3:09 pm

SadAspy wrote:
I'm just speaking from experience....

The few Aspies I've known who ended up in relationships made money. I didn't say women only care about money, but it does seem to be the only way they overlook something like AS.

Likewise, I've known Aspy girls who dated NT guys. Aspy girls are no different from NT ones in the type of guys they prefer-extroverted, socially confident, etc.

Look, right now, I've been unemployed and living at home for over a year, so yeah it's understandable I can't attract a woman, but I haven't always been in this position. I was in grad school for two years....had my own place, my own money, my own car......women still wouldn't give me the time of day. Before that, I had a full-time job and made okay money once overtime was included....women still didn't want me. Before that , I was in college for four years....women didn't want me then either.

And don't tell me I must be ugly....I'm not Brad Pitt, but I'm decent-looking.


Or maybe those men with AS who make a lot of money just have certain personality characteristics which both enable them to make money and attract a woman.

Too often I hear men....and not just men with AS, conclude that they can't get a woman because they don't make enough money. But they over look the fact that most men who don't make a lot of money have partners. The reality is that these men who harbor such misconceptions just can't accept, or realize, that the reason they don't have a partner either has something to do with luck, how they are going about things, or their personality.

And concerning women liking loud, bolsterous types, is every woman with a boyfriend or husband dragging around some loud mouthed ass? No.

They just have men who know how to talk to *them*, and probably assert himself in situations that he should rightly do so. If you don't talk to a girl, she generally thinks you don't like her. As it turns out, most shy people are misinterpreted as stuck up or uninterested.

When I first met my friend with PDD-NOS, I initially thought he wanted nothing to do with me because he did not say anything to me the entire time we were together. I thought he was not happy to be there and not enjoying our outing.

Had he been a romantic prospect and this outing had been a date, I would have written him off immediately and not responded to any more of his correspondences because I would have thought he was just indecisive, or settling, or had ill intentions or what have you.

But he wasn't a romantic prospect and so I went on a few more outings with him, which he had invited me to, and I eventually realized that he was on the spectrum and shy. He was very lucky I had only figured out to be more outgoing with people myself a few months prior, and I had the sense to consider he had the same difficulties I had.

He came very close to not making a friend.



Last edited by Chronos on 13 Mar 2011, 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

SadAspy
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13 Mar 2011, 3:10 pm

I'm quiet and reserved, so why am I not coming off as confident?



emlion
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13 Mar 2011, 3:11 pm

SadAspy wrote:
I'm quiet and reserved, so why am I not coming off as confident?


because you're not confident?
wtf, thats a completely different point all together. :roll:
not ALL quiet guys are confident.
not ALL loud guys are confident.
i could go on forever.
you cannot generalise ALL people.



hale_bopp
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13 Mar 2011, 3:12 pm

Chronos wrote:
Or maybe those men who make a lot of money just have certain personality characteristics which both enable them to make money and attract a woman.


this, this SO MUCH THIS.

A lot of guys who have money are liked not for the fact they have money, the fact they've got the great personality and great skills.



emlion
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13 Mar 2011, 3:13 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Or maybe those men who make a lot of money just have certain personality characteristics which both enable them to make money and attract a woman.


this, this SO MUCH THIS.

A lot of guys who have money are liked not for the fact they have money, the fact they've got the great personality and great skills.


+157482 points.



Grisha
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13 Mar 2011, 3:15 pm

Chronos wrote:
Too often I hear men....and not just men with AS, conclude that they can't get a woman because they don't make enough money. But they over look the fact that most men who don't make a lot of money have partners. The reality is that these men who harbor such misconceptions just can't accept, or realize, that the reason they don't have a partner either has something to do with luck, how they are going about things, or their personality.


+1

I think they just pick whatever they think they lack, which is often money, but if they had money it would be something else, and try to pin their problems on it.

It makes it even better if whatever they pick allows them to portray women as "shallow" for rejecting them for it.

Personality is probably the real culprit 99% of the time...



emlion
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13 Mar 2011, 3:17 pm

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Personality is probably the real culprit 99% of the time...


and attitude to themselves and others.