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Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

26 Mar 2011, 10:50 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
Starrygrrl and others this is one thing I would want. When it comes to food I need to know how much to save after each meal or when it comes to bag of chips I need to know how much of the chips I should save for my wife and how much I should save for myself. My wife gave me this formula and I've already discussed this with League girl but I want to reiterate it again to you starrygrrl. My wife said save as much for her as much I would want to have.

What if I wanted all of it? Do I give her all of it?? I do eat alot. What if I wanted none of it? Do I save none for her and keep all to myself? Do I throw it away? What if I wanted 1% of it? Do I save her only 1%? What if I only wanted a crumb of it? Do I just save her a crumb? What do I do here? What is the correct interpretation to this formula that she gave here?

I always told to consider her feelings? How do I do that? What is the algorithm to this? I suggested we just split up things like chips and put them into contains. We could put half in one container and put the other half in one container. If either of us wants to share our containers of food with each other we can. My wife does not want to do that because she wants me to consider her feelings. She says she wants to have the opportunity to choose as well. In my opinion, I thought my solution satisfied her criteria. I really want to learn how to consider her feelings. League_Girl, said my solution was an excellent solution. Do you think so as well Starrygrrl? Does anyone else? Where did I go wrong in my thinking?

Rather than thinking of it as a matter of feelings, or a quantitative reasoning issue, think of it as a qualitative reasoning issue. This might seem like a benign issue, but from an evolutionary standpoint, it was important for a man to properly estimate the amount of resources to take for himself, and safe for his family. Likewise, a wife had to know how to figure this out as well.

Most people navigate this in a two person situation by assuming the other person would like half, and testing that hypothesis by asking. When it is something like the last piece of cake, or cookie, or eggroll, it's generally proper to ask the other person if they wanted it by using the past tense "Did you want this..." or "were you going to eat this," to clarify that you are asking if they had any plans to eat it, as opposed to using present tense "Do you want..." which might imply that you are offering it to them.

If it turns out that they did plan on eating it, and you also want it, you might ask if you can have some (less than half) or half, but generally speaking, you should allow them to have it.

Thanks Chronos. This is an excellent answer. I would've never considered it from an evolutionary standpoint. There is something I still do not understand. Why did my wife get irritated with me for suggesting that I put this system of dividing up the food into two different containers? Do you have a theory here?

She was likely just upset that you did not have the ability to "read" her due to the evolutionary implications of it. Women generally want to have as close to a telepathic connection with a man as the laws of physics allow, and in light of the fact that telepathy is not possible among humans, when women perceive their mate is not quite on the same page as them, it unsettles them.