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Frieslander
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25 Mar 2011, 8:42 pm

told her that I have never had sex, never been in a real relationship. She is busy this weekend, so her lack of response might not be a bad sign. just told her that "things have been very complicated in my life".


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Friesland = a province in the Netherlands. Pronounced so that it rhymes the English word "free" (not "fry"). I live in the USA, but I have a Frisian surname and all-Dutch ancestry. Just a minor Aspie obsession of mine.


mra1200
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25 Mar 2011, 9:10 pm

congrats!


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Memeticist
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25 Mar 2011, 10:19 pm

That would not have been my preferred course of action but it shouldn't matter to the right lady either way.

I'm curious as to what made you think that was a necessary disclosure at this juncture? Or at all? In my experience most women don't want to hear about your sexual history unless there's something particularly relevant to them in it, like past experiences with family members, bi/homosexuality, or the risk of an STD. If you've never been "batting for the other team" or known one of her immediate family "in the biblical sense" i imagine she would have been happy with a very recent set of negative STD test results.

Then again, this might totally be bonus points for you because I know there are a select few wonderful, wonderful women out there that pride themselves on "pulling a man's V(irgin) card."

Good luck!



poppyfields
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26 Mar 2011, 12:36 am

It depends on the woman really. There are some women who prefer someone with experience, and I kind of don't blame them since pleasing a woman in bed is usually more difficult than the reverse, and I would imaginee it isn't so fun to "train up" a man.

Other women won't care at all. And some women will care you've never had a relationship but won't care you're a virgin or vice versa.



Chronos
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26 Mar 2011, 1:03 am

Frieslander wrote:
told her that I have never had sex, never been in a real relationship. She is busy this weekend, so her lack of response might not be a bad sign. just told her that "things have been very complicated in my life".


Honestly, I think if I met a man your age who was a virgin, I'd be curious as to why but I wouldn't view him negatively for it.

I don't think it's something you should feel compelled to tell a girlfriend unless they ask though.



curlyfry
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26 Mar 2011, 8:05 am

Have you two been talking sex?



Frieslander
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26 Mar 2011, 12:01 pm

curlyfry wrote:
Have you two been talking sex?


No.


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Frieslander
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26 Mar 2011, 12:04 pm

This from a different forum:

On the other hand, I was honest with my OkCupid gal about the fact that I have never had sex, never been in a relationship, and my life is pretty complicated. She responded that she has some complications of her own, she appreciates my honesty, and she isn't sure if she wants to be in a relationship right now - for her own reasons.


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Friesland = a province in the Netherlands. Pronounced so that it rhymes the English word "free" (not "fry"). I live in the USA, but I have a Frisian surname and all-Dutch ancestry. Just a minor Aspie obsession of mine.


Frieslander
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26 Mar 2011, 7:48 pm

This is what she had to say:

I can imagine why that might make a social life a little difficult. I'm glad you told me.


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Frieslander
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26 Mar 2011, 8:02 pm

And I did say this today, after yesterday's general statement. The above post is a response to this.

I get nervous NOT telling people the truth about myself. I have schizoaffective disorder, OCD, plus probably Asperger's syndrome. The Asperger's may be why I have never had a relationship. We're terrible when it comes to flirting.


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abaisse
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26 Mar 2011, 8:20 pm

I am glad you were able to be honest. I hope it works out for you!



Frieslander
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26 Mar 2011, 8:27 pm

Frieslander wrote:
And I did say this today, after yesterday's general statement. The above post is a response to this.

I get nervous NOT telling people the truth about myself. I have schizoaffective disorder, OCD, plus probably Asperger's syndrome. The Asperger's may be why I have never had a relationship. We're terrible when it comes to flirting.


Some of you are a lot better at flirting than I am, I see!

At least she doesn't have any kids.... I wouldn't be good probably with someone who has kids already. Did see in an OkC answer that she wants to adopt some day, can't have any biological kids.


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MCalavera
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26 Mar 2011, 9:20 pm

If she's in the same age group as you, I guess there's still hope.

But to be honest, I think she's just being polite with you and telling you indirectly that she's no longer interested in a relationship with you.

I could be wrong, though. So don't lose hope just yet. :oops:



Frieslander
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27 Mar 2011, 10:25 am

MCalavera wrote:
If she's in the same age group as you, I guess there's still hope.

But to be honest, I think she's just being polite with you and telling you indirectly that she's no longer interested in a relationship with you.

I could be wrong, though. So don't lose hope just yet. :oops:


She is 37, I'm 40. I saw that she even sent a message back from her iphone as a good sign. It was a pretty long message. If she put that much into an iphone message, things are looking up, I'd say.


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Volodja
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27 Mar 2011, 11:57 am

Good luck. I hope it works out for you



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Mar 2011, 12:05 pm

*sigh*


This was a mistake, Frieslander.
Image

You didn't have to tell her anything of this.