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Jamesy
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10 Apr 2011, 2:06 pm

In the dating world as you get older do people care less and less about aspie behaviour and mannerisims being a deal breaker as opposed to when your in your 20's?



Mike_the_EE
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10 Apr 2011, 6:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
In the dating world as you get older do people care less and less about aspie behaviour and mannerisims being a deal breaker as opposed to when your in your 20's?


In my experience, it only gets worse as you get older. When you are young, things can always be chalked up to inexperience, but by the time you are 30+, you are expected to know what you are doing, so anything unusual stands out. This assumes AS-NT dating, of course. I have no experience with AS-AS dating. Things might be different there.


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bucephalus
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10 Apr 2011, 7:23 pm

That explains alot lol. I hope you don't mind me disagreeing with you as it's the only positive thing to do on my part:)


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Jamesy
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10 Apr 2011, 8:09 pm

Guess i am going to have to try and improve my behvaiour before i reach my 30's then :(



Mike_the_EE
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10 Apr 2011, 8:44 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Guess i am going to have to try and improve my behvaiour before i reach my 30's then :(


I would strongly suggest that you do whatever you can while you are young, yes, because it isn't going to get any easier with time. That is my biggest regret: I grew up in the 70's & 80's and no one knew about AS, least of all me. Dating was always very difficult for me, but I always thought that it would just get better when I got in college, or after I started working. It didn't, and it wasn't until I was well into my 40's before I found out what the problem was. The earlier you get help, the better off you will be.


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Jamesy
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10 Apr 2011, 9:01 pm

Why is the dating world so scrutinizing and merceless? at least that is from what i have read on here and others places.

the job world can accomodate to you a lot LOT more than the dating world.



starygrrl
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10 Apr 2011, 9:22 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Why is the dating world so scrutinizing and merceless? at least that is from what i have read on here and others places.

the job world can accomodate to you a lot LOT more than the dating world.


For a number of (very good) reasons. The top of which is safety. I can go through the list but compatibility matters more in the dating world, than in the job world. The job world is simple in some ways, you have to get along with your co-workers and do your job. The dating world is the fact you have to be attracted to the person and connect on a deep level. It is much more difficult because it takes a significant amount of time to really know a person. The reality is meetings a persons intimate and interpersonal needs requires quite a bit of scrutiny.



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10 Apr 2011, 9:29 pm

I had such a hard time with dating, including downright dangerous situations, that I completely stopped trying until I was well past middle age. Now I am in a relationship with another Aspie, and we get along remarkably well.


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techstepgenr8tion
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10 Apr 2011, 10:03 pm

Depends if the topic is gaining social skills or finding someone who's willing to spend their life with you. Social skills - somewhat harder to gain as you get older because the arena of party life, constant contact, seeing the games front and center fades away a bit. As for finding someone who's a match or who will be interested - I believe that does get better. Lots of people here say they couldn't find anyone, to save their life, in their teens or twenties but ended up married in their 30's, don't be completely surprised if it goes that way.

That and I'd also add this: I'm sure there are a lot of women who'd take inexperienced over battle-hardened and cynical any day. Keep in mind though, you're 21, you won't see much of anything drastic in terms of your peers changing until you hit maybe 26 or 27, even then many of them hold on to highschool right up until 30 if they can - in my own case I always felt like that immaturity was holding my life down and I was glad to see people drifting away from it, but, I can't say it works the same for everyone involved.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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10 Apr 2011, 10:09 pm

I've found people tend to gain a bit more understanding as they get older. Minor weirdness is no longer a reason to publicly humiliate someone.

There is a point, however, where that understanding just stops.


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