Do We Choose Who We Fall in Love With...Yes, or No???

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Do We Choose Who We Fall In Love With???
Yes 30%  30%  [ 8 ]
No 70%  70%  [ 19 ]
Total votes : 27

Clueless2017
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04 Dec 2020, 9:37 pm

Please respond with a brief "Yes" or "No" and feel free to elaborate (or not) afterwards...

I will be following your responses closely as i am very interested to learn what your thoughts are on this fascinating topic...Thank you in advance for your replies here...

NT, here, happily married to my beloved yet undiagnosed most handsome Aspie :wink:



AuroraBorealisGazer
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04 Dec 2020, 11:54 pm

Yes and no. We choose who we associate with (to an extent), which can influence our choices of partners. But within those circles of association, it's unlikely that we would be able to direct ourselves into falling in love with a specific person, as I believe that has to happen naturally for it to be genuine.



Pepe
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05 Dec 2020, 12:21 am

On some level, we choose, otherwise we would be marrying emus, kangaroos and koalas. 8)


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cyberdad
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05 Dec 2020, 12:38 am

Pepe wrote:
On some level, we choose, otherwise we would be marrying emus, kangaroos and koalas. 8)


Or our pets :lol:



cyberdad
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05 Dec 2020, 12:41 am

Clueless2017 wrote:
Please respond with a brief "Yes" or "No" and feel free to elaborate (or not) afterwards...

I will be following your responses closely as i am very interested to learn what your thoughts are on this fascinating topic...Thank you in advance for your replies here...

NT, here, happily married to my beloved yet undiagnosed most handsome Aspie :wink:


Yes...love is kind of a state of mind and people who you don't love now you can fall in love over time. That's why judging people on looks (e.g. handsome) is so limiting since there is no guarantee whatsoever that the person you fall in love with has a suitable personality/character that will compliment you down the track.



Raleigh
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05 Dec 2020, 12:44 am

Maybe we don't choose who we fall in love with but you can choose how you act upon those feelings.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.


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Steffipanda
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05 Dec 2020, 1:15 am

We do not choose who we fall in love with. I have never consciously looked at someone and thought I will fall in love them. We choose who we pursue and date but not who we fall in love with.



cyberdad
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05 Dec 2020, 1:17 am

Steffipanda wrote:
We do not choose who we fall in love with. I have never consciously looked at someone and thought I will fall in love them. We choose who we pursue and date but not who we fall in love with.


Yes this makes sense



Pepe
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05 Dec 2020, 1:34 am

Raleigh wrote:
Maybe we don't choose who we fall in love with but you can choose how you act upon those feelings.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.


There is love,
And then there is infatuation, obsession, limerence.

Love is a choice.
It is a commitment to allow the "luv mechanism" to begin, consciously and subconsciously. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. "Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions." I didn't say that. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many on the left pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


THERE WILL BE NO COUP IN AMERICA!


cyberdad
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05 Dec 2020, 1:40 am

A lot of folks get in trouble because they mistakenly get "love" mixed up with infatuation.



Whale_Tuune
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05 Dec 2020, 2:37 pm

It can be either. Love is ultimately something which you cannot force, but you can put yourself in a position to be around people and meet people who you like and can learn to love with time.

For example... Maybe I "like" two guys, one who lives in my city and one who is moving soon. I could probably "love" either if given enough time, but I will probably choose to pursue the one near me.

Plenty of people go on dating apps and mixer events in order to find someone to love. It is a partially deliberate, partially unconscious process.

Now, sometimes people are in close proximity with others (ie friends or close colleagues) and find that their emotional closeness has moved beyond friendship and become "love" without the initial "dating to get to know you" part happening first. Then they dramatically declare their love for their friend.

The former way of falling in love (going to a dating event or an app, or just seeing something you like in someone else, dating for a while with the intent of falling in love and then falling in love) is more common. The latter (struck by lightning, without even meaning to) is more common on TV... it does happen irl, but less. And it does not usually turn out as well irl. :roll:


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Clueless2017
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05 Dec 2020, 7:52 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Yes and no. We choose who we associate with (to an extent), which can influence our choices of partners. But within those circles of association, it's unlikely that we would be able to direct ourselves into falling in love with a specific person, as I believe that has to happen naturally for it to be genuine.


Interesting take...I think i understand what you are saying... :idea:



Clueless2017
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05 Dec 2020, 7:54 pm

Pepe wrote:
On some level, we choose, otherwise we would be marrying emus, kangaroos and koalas. 8)

... ... ...
LOL :D :D :D ...Or fish and skunks... :D :D :D



Clueless2017
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05 Dec 2020, 7:57 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Please respond with a brief "Yes" or "No" and feel free to elaborate (or not) afterwards...

I will be following your responses closely as i am very interested to learn what your thoughts are on this fascinating topic...Thank you in advance for your replies here...

NT, here, happily married to my beloved yet undiagnosed most handsome Aspie :wink:


Yes...love is kind of a state of mind and people who you don't love now you can fall in love over time. That's why judging people on looks (e.g. handsome) is so limiting since there is no guarantee whatsoever that the person you fall in love with has a suitable personality/character that will compliment you down the track.


... ... ...
Good point...This explains why arranged marriages (usually by parents) in other cultures succeed... :idea:



Clueless2017
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05 Dec 2020, 7:59 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Maybe we don't choose who we fall in love with but you can choose how you act upon those feelings.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.

... ... ...
Surely, we don't want to 'fall in love' with the 'wrong' person if we can avoid it... :idea:



Clueless2017
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05 Dec 2020, 8:03 pm

Steffipanda wrote:
We do not choose who we fall in love with. I have never consciously looked at someone and thought I will fall in love them. We choose who we pursue and date but not who we fall in love with.

... ... ...
This has been my experience, also...I must agree...Maybe, we both base our decisions on FEELING and not LOGIC...While others may differ, basing their decisions on LOGIC not FEELING...So this last group, unlike you and i, may have more control over who they 'choose' to love... :idea: