How much is your inner child still calling the shots?

Post Reply New Topic

I beat the crap outta that kid long ago for the idiot he was... Now I'm just plain, boring ol' Jonsi.

Exactly the same with myself. That's why I look mostly for relationship partners who are similarly children trapped in adult bodies. At least for mostly sexual and/or short-term relationships, where having sexual desires and ways of feeling "love" that are similarly emotionally simple (but possibly intellectually very complex nonetheless) is key.

But this kind of "inner child", which is like the one discussed in ageplay, is quite distinct from the one the OP is referring to, which is an inability to let go of stressors one experienced within one's external childhood environment.

I have been through much therapy and much of it has been inner child work. This has been with several therapists, but the work really hasn't helped me change my patterns. I once heard this inner child psychoanalysis work compared to picking a scab. In other words, too much can actually cause hurt where the pain was healing naturally.

I have also been taught to cope with problems. While coping may look like a good thing on the surface, coping is not the same thing as changing. To use a soccer analogy, coping is like having a good goalkeeper: the best you can do is a 0-0 draw. You cannot win without goalscorers. Changing is a slow process. It takes not only learning from the past (inner child work), changing behaviors through practice and minor victories.

Unfortunately, too many therapists focus on the [/i]inner child[i] work and never work on the real change. Rehashing how my third grade teacher yelled at me so much is not going to help me learn how to be more assertive when dealing with the mechanic who is trying to rip me off, or the professor who is discounting my work.