Do aspies attract each other?

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Rincemeister, I'm so glad to hear that you both found each other. What's your obsession, if you don't mind me asking? You've probably thought of this already, but is it something your girlfriend could get involved in as well?

The way to make relationships work is mostly through lots of communication; even if she's naturally quiet, make sure she'll tell you if anything's wrong rather than letting it simmer. Also, as I'm also aspie and in your age group, feel free to pm me if you want to ask/talk about anything - not sure if I'll be able to help or not, but I might be able to give some insight from a female point of view.

Good luck to both of you.

Well my main obsession is with computers. After 4 months of seeing each other, last Saturday she was sat on the sofa and I realised that I was trying to zone her out so that I could concentrate on what I was upto in the PC. When I realised what I was doing I really freaked out.

I'm actually considering getting rid of all my computers because of that. But as someone who works in IT, I'm not sure if thats a good idea. Maybe I should never turn the PCs on when she's staying over.

I'm very used to being on my own with my obsessions, having a girlfriend really does complicate things :-S

Rincemeister,

Considering that both you and your girlfriend have AS (presumptively), perhaps she will be understanding of your need to spend time with your interests. At least you were able to see that you were zoning her out, so you can make a change in that if you wish to do so. Why not try talking to her about the computer situation? Have an honest discussion about major interests/obsessions, and see how each of you feel about each other on the topic. Just keep in mind that if she is understanding of your wanting to spend time indulging in your interests, that it would be best for you to be understanding if she wants to spend time with her interests as well. This is particularly important, in that nobody is going to be 100% exactly like you, and people's obsessions and interests do change over time, NT and AS alike. She won't always have the same interests as you have. It's good to be fair, after all, and as I like to say, "don't dish it out if you can't take it." Every social interaction is a compromise of some sort.

I'd not recommend getting rid of all the computers - then you'd probably miss them, and that could stress the relationship. Maybe just have some time set aside to do computer stuff, asking her if she won't distract you for that time - and possibly in exchange offer to have 'only her' time, where you avoid computers to spend time with her instead? You'd need to sort it out according to how much time you have and when - each time period (both the just for computers and just for her) could be an hour a day, or a few hours a week, or half a weekend each - best to sort it out between the two of you.

Also, if you play computer games, are there any that she'd like to learn? My boyfriend and I quite often have network games, usually Diablo 2 or Warcraft III. (He's tried to teach me The Specialists, although I didn't take to that as well - still keep meaning to have another go at it at some point, though.)

I really appreciate the advice.

I've let her know that I was upset with myself for not spending that morning with her.

I've decided to go back to having a routine, where I set aside what I will roughly do each hour of my free time. I'm going to only switch on a computer while she's asleep (I wake up really early) and when she's getting on with her obsession.

I'll see how it goes for a week :-)

To me, an aspie-aspie relationship could be like the blind leading the blind. Sure maybe you share interests and understand eachother better, but you also have trouble with the same things. As an aspie, I definitely wouldn't seek an opposite. People that are too unlike me annoy me. But I would still want a partner that can complement some of my weaknesses

I am one of the non-desperate types.

Tim

As for an AS-AS relationship, I have been in one before. There weren't that many difficulties, but it didn't work out because she and I had different priorities in life (I am trying to get a career started, and she had issues with her family).

I could easily attract an NT female, but I am more drawn to Aspie women because of their individuality.

Tim

Jerry Seinfeld said"95% of the population is undateable.UNDATEABLE!"
And if you could meet all of your 5%,95% of them would consider YOU undateable!
The odds are stacked up against us all.
I one of the desperately desparate ones.Even if it doesn't work out,its worth it for the sex.
Lying in her arms,the're musky smell,the mutual gratification of lust,the joy of acceptance...I could go on for hours.Its been 13 years.Misty water coloured memories.
Hey,the Simpson's r on...Bye.

I think if Aspies are looking for those who are very similar to themselves, or if they feel that lack of communication is responsible for their lack of dating success, they are more likely to be attracted to other Aspies.

On the other hand, if they are looking for opposites (like I am at this point) and/or believe that the right people for them will accept them regardless of being on different mental "wavelengths" (also mostly true of me) then I think they are not likely to be attracted to other Aspies.

I think a major consideration has to be whether U R dx or not.
A dx for me means a demand to be honest.
I have to comunicate my routines & compulsions.
Or they will be ignorred,critisized or ridiculed.
A relationship with undxed aspy would be 100 times harder...potentially.
Of course,if the aspy was like me...totally forgiving,non-judgemental,humanist
U wouldn't need a dx.After a life of ####-ups how could I judge anything or any1?

Well, I dated one girl with AS. While it was alright, I at least thought that it was nothing special. Until I broke up with her. She thought the complete opposite, and she was crushed. I bet she still hates me. Long story short, no way in hell I'll date another AS girl. However, my current interest is a 17 year-old NT girl that quit highschool to go to college. So she has missed out on "normal" social skills, putting her on my level.

i'm an aspie. any of u lady aspies attracted to me? :D

Does that mean that if this relationship doesn't work out, you'll never date another NT gir?

I don't think that I could deal with anyone who was fully normal (or that they could deal with me). Someone without many of these traits just wouldn't understand. All of the serious affairs that I've had have been from people that I can deal with, who almost always have at least some aspects in common. So, as an example, my wife was probably more misanthropic than I am. Actually though, I suspect that she was pretty damned close to (if not over) wherever the dividing line is - just a hell of a lot more functional than I am. But, I'm not sure where I lie, so who knows. I do know that I've only met a couple of people (with very different problems) who seemed worse off dealing with life than I do.

Very true. I've often not talked with someone because I could identify with them all too well in the more negative AS ways. But I strongly believe my exwife was an Aspie. Her "friends" always excluded her from parties, etc., and there was absolutely no obviously reason, and I didn't know about AS back then. She was also overly-logical and -literal, but anyway, you have to find someone who will balance you out, whether they're an Aspie or not. Personally, I don't think I'll find anyone, and that's okay. If I do though, it will most likely be an Aspie.