Communication Issues in Starting relationships

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Mahler7
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 4 Jun 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
Location: Chicago

08 Jun 2011, 9:11 pm

Does anyone here have any trying to start relationship/communication stories that go either wrong or right. I recently had one of these it didn't go well, here is the story.

For about 4 months I had been really attracted to my friends new roommate who moved in with them at the beginning of the year. As I got to know her better I found we had a lot in common, both graduated from the same school, both really interested in art, both calm and mild mannered, both sobering up (alcohol and marijuana), and both settling for crappy jobs while looking for careers. In short we were at similar points in our lives. I finally confessed to my friends that I had this attraction, and asked them both (NT) for help/advice on flirting and what not because those are some serious weak points that I have. They supported the idea and gave me a lot of help, however she did respond favorably, at least thats what I was told by friends when I told them about all the response she had given me to their flirting ques. (I do trust my friends). I was of course very disappointed by this outcome, but I had figured the timing wasn't right for her and what not.

However during those 4 months another one of their other friends had also been hitting on her. My friends would always give her grief about it and she would say she would never date this guy because he did too many drugs, he couldn't have a deep conversation, he was younger and immature, and he had a party hard lifestyle. My friends did say that he was good at flirting with her though.

A week after I decided to give this venture up she starts dating there friend with the drug problem. My friends tell me I am capable of having deep conversations, but I have very limited ability to small talk and flirt... my thoughts are this is why I lost out in this situation.

Any thoughts?



MarketAndChurch
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Joined: 3 Apr 2011
Age: 37
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09 Jun 2011, 2:18 am

It could be for a wide variety of reasons. those who are good at conversation tend to have a much much better short-term memory then those of us Aspies... most AS tend not to. Short-term memory, or having lots of it allows you to think on your feet whereas long-term memory tends to be better suited for deep thoughts.

I don't know if you are very rigid in your thought process but brain flexibility as being able to multi-task along with a working short-term memory will help out a lot - I personally train daily on lumosity and play sports and work demands it as well.

you can be a lot of things, including a druggie, but if you exhibit attractive behavior, you will attract people. don't wait for her if she's not attracted to you. Liking someone and being attracted to them are two different things and score all the points you want in the likability category, that isn't going to guarantee anything. let us know how this goes.


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