Rant. Ugh.

Post Reply New Topic

This girl acted poorly, there is no issue on that. But maintaining anger at her over it is not productive. When you are ready, you should take her call and hear what she has to say. People make mistakes, and should never be defined by those mistakes. What is more important is discovering what she will do now that she knows she has made a mistake. Certainly you don't owe it to anyone to pursue a romance you don't feel, but. You owe it to everyone to allow for the mending of fences when mending is offered.

I confess that one of my biggest frustrations on this forum is the stubborn unforgiving nature so many cheer on. I am not saying you share it, just that most posts here do. How can anyone entertain the idea of building relationships while never allowing for people to error, grow, and change? It becomes a method of self selection, of making sure no one will ever meet the standard and, thus, an actual relationship never have to be dealt with. Don't listen to it.

Take this situation as an opportunity to practice the necessary social skill of moving past a difficult situation and warranted anger, into forgiveness and understanding. It is something one can never practice enough, and a skill essential to your future relationships.

And next time you are in a situation where you want to help a third party, don't let anyone talk you away from it. The best thing would have been to be your true self first - helping the person in the meltdown - explaining yourself to your companion later. Although a very well worded leave would have in order: "sorry, I need you to excuse me for a few minutes, I believe I can help this person.". If that is the real you, then let your dates see that person: the right person will admire you for it.

What a b***h. You did the right thing. Ugh, I would have fought the urge to punch her in the face.

I can't buy that judgmental and intolerant attittude. People mess up up. YOU mess up, just in a different way. Think like that towards everyone who messes up, and have them think that way towards you every time you mess up, and I will guarantee you a life of lost friendships, broken relationships, lost jobs for not getting along, and basically total social isolation. Can't you guys see how easy it is to do this all to yourselves by over wrought self-righteousness? This woman needs to grow and change, but punching her in the face even if just in your fantasy will not advance that agenda. If you truly desire permanent hermitage then fine, be that judgmental, but if want something else, listen to the old married lady.

Sorry if I'm being overly strong, but I get so frustrated on this board hearing frustrated singles affirm each other on all sorts of wrong headed notions.

Being cruel to the Autistic kid was one thing. Bad, but possibly forgivable with time and talk.

Pretending to be supportive of the OP's condition, but instead totally blowing off every thing he said... that is too much though. That means that the person is not only cruel, but also conniving, manipulative and self centered. OP is better off without.

I will only stand corrected if she looks up the disorder on her own, and approaches him with a full apology taking responsibility for being a bigot.

I'm sorry. If she's that ignorant and that intolerant towards Aspies already, I don't see her changing. She may learn to keep quiet about it but laughing at a disabled person is a sign of being a sociopath, I think. I wouldn't date someone who said that, hell I wouldn't even be friends with them. There are some things that just aren't excusable. :/

Trust me, with my family I'm already condemned to the life of a hermit so that doesn't change anything. :/

She's young. Nothing is set. You should hear the things people my age have to regretfully own to from earlier periods of life. And until they talk we don't know that she didn't immediately run off and do her research, and now is horribly embarrassed. Worth finding out, at least.

I'm sorry to hear you have such a difficult time with your family.

Or she probably could have just said, "Wow. What a freak." And continued living as an ignorant b***h. Not everyone is a good person willing to change. :/

This is some seriously good advice, friends. And we ignore it at our own peril. Everyone loses when we "punch people in the face." Mostly the person doing the punching. As I said earlier, it's been pretty rare when I've been long-term satisfied with my decision to burn bridges with someone. There's been a lot of regret along the lines of, "why didn't I just give that person a chance to make amends? I'd have a friend today if I had."

And I'm the opposite. I could have avoided an abusive marrage if I hadn't forgiven so easily those first signs of trouble.

Yeah. The people I was nice to in high school, where are they now? I only see them on Facebook because they're "too busy" to hang out when they clearly make time to hang out with other people. Being nice to people doesn't always guarantee friends. They may forget about you altogether. :/

i agree, completely.

she may come to understand that autism is a spectrum disorder and that the OP is a high functioning member of that spectrum. and that would be cool. but it doesn't change the real underlying problem - she saw someone in a terrible state, someone who at least deserved respect... and she laughed at him.

i felt queasy reading about it, and i would not want to associate with someone like that. not when i was 9 years old, 19, 29, or 39. that was frankly cruel and i think the only thing that would change is how well that woman hides her real feelings it in the presence of the OP.

Ignoring abuse -- or the signs of it -- is not even remotely what we're talking about here. We're talking about a 19-ish-year-old girl who seems to regret what she did, wants to be forgiven an indiscretion, and should learn something about autism. That's all. And folks are supporting the idea of (figuratively, I guess) punching her in the face? IDK ... what if someone had punched me in the face everytime I did something that I later came to realize was wrong or hurtful -- mostly out of ignorance? The only thing starting to change my mind about this is hyperlexian's comment about underlying cruelty, which I think deserves some consideration.


No idea.


Of course it doesn't. The concept being floated is more along the lines of either "not being nice to people almost always guarantees enemies" or "ignoring people who seek forgiveness guarantees lonliness."

I guess that makes a bit of sense but frankly, I probably wouldn't trust that girl much. Laughing at a disabled person for being disabled is pretty shallow. She probably knows what she did but has that, "it doesn't affect me" attitude. I only forgive people once they thoroughly demonstrated that they are sorry and willing to change. :/

You wouldn't say that cruelty toward an obviously disabled person is a sign of an abusive personality? I would. We can disagree about that.



One person only mentioned once that they would like to do this. The only other person here to mention it is you. I think we can safely assume that this has nothing to do with the conversation.



It's fine to be nice to people. But not when they are not nice people.

It may be bad to ignore people seeking forgiveness, but this assumes that they are truly seeking forgiveness. Many an apology are a deciept.