Rant. Ugh.

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So as a couple of you know, I was feeling very uneasy about a date coming up. A couple of hours ago we were hanging out, this girl and I (let's call her Jenna), and so we go to Wal-mart (which I was much opposed to but I kept my mouth shut. That has nothing to do with this though.) and we're in the movie section. We were going to change it to a movie at home to ease the pressure because we're both working hard on exams. So there's this person who seems to be very, very LFA. He is having a meltdown in the middle of the store. I was about to try and help when I was pulled away by 'Jenna' and I assumed she was just not wanting to be around a person in that state. As it turns out she wanted to find a place to burst out laughing. She notices that I'm completely humourless and asks what's wrong. I tell her it's nothing and that I would like to leave if she didn't mind (I was confused, I thought she was much more mature than to laugh at that.).

So we're walking home and after a long silence she attempts to ask me what was wrong. I told her I wanted to help him. Becoming instantly unnattractive, she says that he was just some crazy autistic kid. I told her that I was autistic (I had told her previously of this). Her reply? "Oh, quit that "I'm autistic" nonsense. You're far too intelligent to be autistic."

I've pretty much cut all ties with her. I thought I knew her. Ugh.

But yeah, thanks to anyone who reads it all. I'm just venting.

She sounds ignorant and ill informed and in your shoes, I am afraid I would have suggested she do some research before presuming to know the totality of what Autism is. You are best off without someone who shows an unwillingness to accept and understand that part of who you are, and not only that, who had such an immature and insensitive reaction to that autistic individual's meltdown.

She seemed very understanding at first and seemed quite okay with my AS. She even seemed to love my individuality because of it.

But I guess when the mask comes off...

I've been getting a phonecall every half hour. I'm determined not to answer it.

If I were to analyse it, and attempt to come up with a less negative outlook, I would say that maybe she is afraid to deal with trying to understand autism. Fear can breed ignorance... maybe had she understood why that kid was behaving the way they were, and how it looks from the other side, she might have reacted in a different way. I, personally, would have felt quite upset at her reaction and would have sent her a link to information on why someone with autism behaves that way at times, but that is me. I react to such things by giving information and inspiring better understanding if I can.

That is a good point. I may do something like that tomorrow but tonight, I'm too angry at her to do so.

Quite honestly, I hope that's it. Then maybe she might exactly as I thought her to but acted like that out of a lack of understanding.

At the same time however, it makes me wonder if this is how she reacts to everything she doesn't understand. Either way, I'll see. I'm furious at what she said.

You cut her loose, good for you

Nothing wrong with this ... you really have every right. There would also be nothing wrong with taking a phone call and listening to an explanation/apology, right? Maybe this was a learning experience? For both of you? I say this only because it's a pretty rare situation where I've been happy long-term about having burned bridges.

aw you sound like a nice boy

seems like she just doesn't have any real understanding of what autistic means, beyond a general stereotype picked up from day-to-day life/the media/etc.
& is probably completely confused at your reaction

be glad it happened soon. Had it happened later when you had felt a bigger conection to her it may have really broken your heart bad.

Shouldn't you try to enlighten her before cutting your ties? From what you posted, it looks like you didn't even try to explain her about LFA and HFA. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't leave without trying to put some sense in her head.

Eh, yeah. I'm probably gonna talk to her tomorrow. I'm one of those people who lose sight of things and get blinded by emotion. Looking back, I think it would be better to at least talk to her. I've already answered her phone call and told her we'll talk tomorrow after exams. I'm using the time to get my head back together.

She's not the only one who should be apologizing here though. She'll be getting one from me after a long talk about some things.

Thank God I'm nineteen and have a lot of time to fix my leap before I look problem. :\

Thanks to you all for the input and advice. I believe it helped.

+1

Granted that she may have failed to understand the relationship between your diagnosis and that of the kid having a meltdown, the fact remains that her reaction to the obviously pathetic state of a feeble person was an attitude of ridicule. In other words she took pleasure in her cruel thoughts directed toward a weak person.

If I were in your shoes, I would talk to her, but not to mend fences, simply to explain my fundamental opposition to cruelty.

On the other hand, I have no social life whatever, so take that into account if my advice seems sound.

My daughter's science teacher asked me the other day if I was sure she has AS because "she is very intelligent". I told him actually high IQ is pretty common in people w/AS and he replied "really? I thought the were kinda dumb". So go figure. He is an adult, teacher for more specs, and your friend is just an ignorant teenager. You have two options: you can try help her become a more informed/sensitive person (which would be great for a lot of people), or just outcast her for being ignorant and acting like a regular teenager (which would be good for no one, including you).

OP, you deserve better. Keep those ties cut.

This girl acted poorly, there is no issue on that. But maintaining anger at her over it is not productive. When you are ready, you should take her call and hear what she has to say. People make mistakes, and should never be defined by those mistakes. What is more important is discovering what she will do now that she knows she has made a mistake. Certainly you don't owe it to anyone to pursue a romance you don't feel, but. You owe it to everyone to allow for the mending of fences when mending is offered.

I confess that one of my biggest frustrations on this forum is the stubborn unforgiving nature so many cheer on. I am not saying you share it, just that most posts here do. How can anyone entertain the idea of building relationships while never allowing for people to error, grow, and change? It becomes a method of self selection, of making sure no one will ever meet the standard and, thus, an actual relationship never have to be dealt with. Don't listen to it.

Take this situation as an opportunity to practice the necessary social skill of moving past a difficult situation and warranted anger, into forgiveness and understanding. It is something one can never practice enough, and a skill essential to your future relationships.

And next time you are in a situation where you want to help a third party, don't let anyone talk you away from it. The best thing would have been to be your true self first - helping the person in the meltdown - explaining yourself to your companion later. Although a very well worded leave would have in order: "sorry, I need you to excuse me for a few minutes, I believe I can help this person.". If that is the real you, then let your dates see that person: the right person will admire you for it.