Have you ever wished or dreamed of having a girlfriend?

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As an aspie deprived of a social life, I always have dreamed of having a lovely girlfirend? A girl who's sweet, lovely, and sociable. I start dreaming of girlfriends after seeing lovely-looking females on TV (TV shows and news and commercials).

I think you speak for many guys here.

Tim

Yes. And even had a couple.

Then I discovered, at least for those two, that what I had really "loved" was the idea of having a girlfriend and appearing normal, not so much the girl herself. And that wasn't fair. It was a using. "Look, I'm an OK guy, I've got a girlfriend!"

Maybe, one day, I will find someone who I want to be in a relationship with because of who she is, not because I want a relationship. Not quite happened yet.

The solution of which is absurdly simple.

I have had a girlfriend (an NT) in the past. Her name was Claudia, and she was an emotional abuser. I, too, was wrapped up in the idea of having a girlfriend.

Now I have a set of criteria that any prospective girlfriend (Aspie or NT) must meet.

a) She must be honest, trustworthy, and NOT a gold-digger.

b) Unless she is a full-time college student, she must have a job (because I feel that this reflects personal responsibility on the mate's part--it has nothing to do with money)

c) No single mothers, for at least the next 3 years (this is when I estimate I will graduate from college).

d) Interests: anything that builds the mind, body, and spirit

e) TV shows: she can like any show she wants, but she must at least tolerate the Simpsons and South Park

f) Age: she MUST be at least 18 years old. I want a long-lasting relationship, but not if it will result in legal troubles down the line. (I don't think this will be a problem though, since the few women who have even a remote interest in me are usually in their late 20s or early 30s).

Tim

I too am wrapped up in the idea of having a girlfriend... without really having the social and interpersonal finesse to go about it. If I did, I'd be in a good relationship, because I know I look good. But my socialisation more than makes up for how much I look good, I tell you.

Hey, she doesn't have to be someone who's sweet, lovely or sociable. I know a lot of Aspies want someone who's high on the popularity and looks scale, possibly to make up for what they've lacked? But I'm a lot easier to please.

Unfortunately I too am someone who doesn't want a girlfriend for the right reasons. Let's just say that in my experience anyway, being seen as always single has made me vulnerable.

I dated a girl from work last week. Perhaps she didn't see it as a date mind you, maybe just socialising. I may go out with her again. But I may be walking into a minefield. She is known to be a person who subtly takes advantage of people. But honestly I'd be happier in that situation than single.

Always dreamed of having a girlfriend since as long as I can remember. The only difference is that whole sociable idea. Most of my dreams involve no other people at all.

The dreams I have about men; the men don't have a face. I've thought about having a GF a bit but I haven't daydreamed about it.

Stop watching television then, and go out and meet some real people. It's not good to start basing what you want from a relationship on what you see on the tv.

I've actually had a couple of girlfriends or maybe lovers would be a better world. In principle, all of them except for one more or less let me down. The one that I can say didn't let me down did break up, however, she was married and unfaithful to her husband beeing with me and had told me already before we met that it would come to an end one day. She was the only one among them being 100% honest. The most heartless b***h of them all probably may have been an AS herself, although she denies it. I hate her.

Until very recently, I had limited my girlfriend search to other Aspies. However, there are very few female Aspies around, in proportion to the male Aspies. Plus there are only two Aspie women that I have any sort of interest in anyway. Neither of these women are on WP, by the way.

I am being increasingly sought after by NTs of late. The only downside is that many of these women are almost 10 years older than me, and that half of them have kids from previous relationships. But usually these women are very nice and have very similar interests as me.

(Read my threads entitled "Interesting Situation" and "Interesting Situation #2" for examples)

Tim

Man, you people have your dreams and aspirations set at a pathetic low.

What's wrong with dreaming that you have god-like powers, or that you're the centre of the universe?

I used to do that when I was younger.

I combine the two quite often. Use my god like powers to pick up women and commit crimes. It's a wonderful trifecta.

I never dream about having a girlfriend, and nor will I ever.

The odd dream is fine, but when you've been in the total perspective vortex you can come back to me on being the centre of the universe. Or not.

A man said to the universe:
"Sir I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane