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the_enigma
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22 Jun 2004, 6:39 pm

I think that the only people I could ever have a relationship with is another aspie. I don't think another NT and I would ever be on the same wavelength and understand me like an aspie would.
I've never dated anyone in my life so I wouldn't know, but I would prefer an aspie.
Do you think AS/AS relationships are better off than an AS/NT relationship?



Nuttdan
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22 Jun 2004, 7:26 pm

Hmm.

Well, my dream is to date an aspie girl some day.

Actually, any decent intelligent girl would suffice.

No...actually...an X chromosome is pretty much the only prerequisite for me these days. :)

But the idea of dating an aspie is really appealing to me. Most girls I know are really superficial and, like you put it, on a different wavelength.

The thing is, though, that with the social impairments that the aspies would both have, the situation of an aspie dating an NT is far more likely. But it's something to dream about!



the_enigma
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22 Jun 2004, 10:04 pm

Would the social impairments of an aspie get in the way of the AS/AS relationship? It'll be difficult to find another aspie in the first place since we're like less than 1% and on top of that one that is compatible with you.
It's worth a look though.
I wonder if they have any aspie personals somewhere online. I wouldn't be old enough to partiscipate though, those things are 18 and older only.
Maybe this website could use personals? I don't know if it's a good idea for safety reasons but it's an interesting idea.
The movie Mozart and the Whale is going to try to portray aspie couples and it would probably have an impact on whether aspies decide to date each other or not. I hope it gives out a positive view of aspies. You can see the trailer at www.mozartandthewhale.com What do you think?
I honestly could only see myself with an aspie, no matter how intelligent or nice an NT may be. It's just the way I think, I don't know why.



Nuttdan
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22 Jun 2004, 10:21 pm

I've thought briefly about having a dating thing on this site, then dismissed the idea. However, there's a how-to for autistics on using 'singles' sites:
http://www.scn.org/people/autistics/singles.html

I've heard about Mozart and the Whale, but haven't had the opportunity to watch the trailer yet. I'll probably get to that later tonight.

But back to this website. One of the original ideas was to make it a bit like Orkut.com, in addition to its other capacities (if you're not on it, tell me, and I'll send you an invite). The site allows people to be linked together in a social web, with hyperlinks and all. You rank your friends, have a big profile, lots of stuff.



the_enigma
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22 Jun 2004, 10:27 pm

I'm not on Orkut. Please send me an invite. Thanks!



Nuttdan
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23 Jun 2004, 12:22 am

Okay, I've sent you an invite.



the_enigma
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23 Jun 2004, 9:30 am

It would be cool if you've actually made something like Orkut. Do you think you'll be able to do it?
Since I'm tired, my profile doesn't have very much. I'll update it though.
I think this place needs something like Orkut.



alex
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23 Jun 2004, 11:54 am

the_enigma wrote:
It would be cool if you've actually made something like Orkut. Do you think you'll be able to do it?
Since I'm tired, my profile doesn't have very much. I'll update it though.
I think this place needs something like Orkut.


We definitiely have the capability to create something like orkut. At first, Dan and I wanted to do something where members joined special interest groups. I told him that I thought that it would be better to just have forums that everyone can view. My reason was that someone who isn't really interested in computers, might want to get help in the computer forum, or someone who wasn't interested in sports, but wanted to get in shape might want to post in the fitness forum, etc, etc, etc. The only thing we really lack that Orkut has, is the "friendship network" code, but we could easily implement that by getting the source code of something open source like slashcode which has that feature. I haven't been able to do any code work for a while, since I have been visiting my grandparents, who don't have a computer and I have to use the library computers that don't have everything I need. This will change, however, since I'm going to come home today. Then we will be able to implement new features more quickly since it won't be just dan doing the coding/software updating and installing.


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Nuttdan
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23 Jun 2004, 12:54 pm

alex wrote:
but we could easily implement that by getting the source code of something open source like slashcode which has that feature.



Getting the source code of something else? You underestimate me, Alex.



Taineyah
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25 Jun 2004, 2:04 pm

I'm new and actually going back to the beginning of this convo to post a reply. I'm 17, undiagnosed, but with suspected Hyperlexia and/or AS (I fit 99% of the criteria for both...). I have been in a serious relationship with a "normal" for three years. I met him when I was twelve and started dating him a 14. Now, I realise that probably sounds atypical, but here's why I think this relationship has worked thus far:

We were best friends first.

Like most of you, I'm sure, I go through "phases." I become obsessed with something for years then, perhaps, something else. When I met my bf, I was going through my dragons and mythology phase. He'd been raised in a family where his dad was an ubergeek who had played Dungeons and Dragons since he was in Uni. My bf knew about dragons and I was able to have a "normal" conversation with him about one of his interests.

We started dating and even then a lot of our conversations revolved around dragons. Recently, I've moved onto comic books, another thing he's been raised with because of his dad.

Being touched and hugged and stuff unless I initiate contact bothers me, which he was able to learn when we were friends.

Honestly, I think that the reason any relationship works is having a basis of friendship. I think it's even more important with Aspies and other Autism Spectrum people to base any romantic relationship in friendship. The other person has to understand you and respect the fact that you can't always act "normally", no matter how hard you try.

Well, that's my opinion, for what it's worth.



alex
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25 Jun 2004, 2:25 pm

Taineyah wrote:
I'm new and actually going back to the beginning of this convo to post a reply. I'm 17, undiagnosed, but with suspected Hyperlexia and/or AS (I fit 99% of the criteria for both...). I have been in a serious relationship with a "normal" for three years. I met him when I was twelve and started dating him a 14. Now, I realise that probably sounds atypical, but here's why I think this relationship has worked thus far:

We were best friends first.

Like most of you, I'm sure, I go through "phases." I become obsessed with something for years then, perhaps, something else. When I met my bf, I was going through my dragons and mythology phase. He'd been raised in a family where his dad was an ubergeek who had played Dungeons and Dragons since he was in Uni. My bf knew about dragons and I was able to have a "normal" conversation with him about one of his interests.

We started dating and even then a lot of our conversations revolved around dragons. Recently, I've moved onto comic books, another thing he's been raised with because of his dad.

Being touched and hugged and stuff unless I initiate contact bothers me, which he was able to learn when we were friends.

Honestly, I think that the reason any relationship works is having a basis of friendship. I think it's even more important with Aspies and other Autism Spectrum people to base any romantic relationship in friendship. The other person has to understand you and respect the fact that you can't always act "normally", no matter how hard you try.

Well, that's my opinion, for what it's worth.


Welcome to WrongPlanet.net!

Its very refreshing to hear about a successful Aspie relationship. It gives hope to all of those aspies who are having trouble finding a mate. Its very good to base relationships on friendship. On the other hand, I've heard many people say things like "I don't want to ruin our friendship" which is anoying since good relationships are based on friendship (they probably mean it as a euphamism for "i don't like you that way," however).

I, for one, hope to find a girlfriend one day, and I know many of us here do as well. Perhaps you could submit an article about how to successfully keep a relationship going, since you've been able to do so.

Once again, welcome, and good luck with your relationship!


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Taineyah
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27 Jun 2004, 11:55 am

I might at that.... An article might be useful for others, I suppose. I'll write one, I guess.


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Mich
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30 Jun 2004, 9:23 am

I don't think that an AS/NT relationship would last too long, unless the NT knew about Asperger's Syndrome. I don't get along with "normal" people very well at all! I used to post on a website for NT kids (at the message boards there). I'm not posting a URL to there, though. I don't want to bring back the nasty memories of the people there. I am never going back to Nick.com again! I also have something to say to that website, which I refer to as Ick.com:

:P
I've now found a website for me!! ! It's called Wrongplanet.net!! !

I hope the people at Ick.com heard that.



NanoTy
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04 Jul 2004, 10:54 pm

An aspie relationship would definitely be a bad idea. It just plain wouldn't work. The similar traits between the couple would clash severely. One of the key aspects of a relationship between any couple is differences between the two. In the case of aspies, an optimal partner would probably be someone who is rather emotional and social. That way, the partner would be predisposed to being more accepting of anyone, and would balance out the apie's typical logical and non-social behavior. This may cause some minor conflicts at times, but they would be minimal compared to what an aspie relationship would cause. Aspies can become very devoted to their partners, ensuring that a relationship with an NT wouldn't be as short lived as some are.



KtMcS
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06 Jul 2004, 2:47 pm

I'm not sure an AS-AS relationship would work...we tend to be too engrossed in our own interests so 2 people with different interests wouldn't work at all. I guess if 2 aspies had a major interest in common it'd work- unless one of them developed a new interest...
an NT doesn't have to understand an as mind- no human being can mind-read anyway! friendship first is always good because thats when they get used to our little peculiarities and quirks. I can't say I've had any relationships but then again I know NTs who havent had relationships who are older than me.


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Taineyah
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08 Jul 2004, 8:48 am

I don't know how to explain this properly and without coming off as super-insulting, but I'm going to try--An NT most definitely does not have to understand the way an AS mind works for a relationship to start or work out.

Until last December I had never heard of Asperger's. I learned about it by accident while researching Joan of Arc for school and looking up Juvenile Psychiatric Disorders (those were my exact search terms). I had my bf long before that.

I think that an NT has to understand how your mind works in order to be with you, not how an AS mind works. NT minds don't work exactly the same. By expansion of that statement, human minds don't work exactly the same. By respecialisation, Aspies are human and AS minds don't work exactly the same.

I think that what a lot of us forget is that we are people. People who don't quite fit into "normal" society, but people just like the NTs. We let ourselves be defined by AS as opposed to letting AS be defined by Aspies.

Each of us Aspies is different. What makes us the same is that we all have AS. Don't let that define who you are or what kind of people you date. Please?

(Wow... I think I'm on a roll this morning. I'm sorry if I'm sounding insulting to the rest of the world!)


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