What do you need from a partner?

Page 1 of 3 [ 37 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

06 Aug 2011, 5:39 pm

Masato wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Masato wrote:

And if love wasn't 'needed', you wouldn't even been born in the first place. Sex with total strangers who get children together is so boring, don't you agree?

No, love isn't a need though it fills something nothing else can.

Maybe not, but I guess that most of our parents where in love when they got us, don't you think? If that wasn't the case, then we would never exist.

Love didn't create us. Sex did.

_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.

Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

06 Aug 2011, 5:52 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

So Grisha... what would you need in order to have a partner?

Understanding, intellectual stimulation, laughter, respect, maybe a little admiration, and hot, hot sex... :wink:

Jediyoda
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Jul 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 354
Location: Brisbane Queensland

06 Aug 2011, 5:53 pm

Understanding, patience, support, guidance, exceptance.

AngelKnight
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 May 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 749
Location: This is not my home; I'm just passing through

06 Aug 2011, 6:07 pm

Masato wrote:

Maybe not, but I guess that most of our parents where in love when they got us, don't you think? If that wasn't the case, then we would never exist.

This might depend on where and when.

It's also possible a child was the result when a man and a woman got bored for a few minutes :eew:

AngelKnight
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 May 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 749
Location: This is not my home; I'm just passing through

06 Aug 2011, 6:10 pm

hurtloam wrote:

But seriously i need someone who can support me emotionally. I have a couple of friends who do this for me, but they are in relationships and i feel i shouldn't lean on them too much because that isn't fair. They have their own girlfriends, it makes me feel like i'm having emotional affairs. I need a guy of my own to talk to about stuff, someone who can comfort me, someone who can reason with me and make me see sense when i am swept up in uncontrolable emotions.

I need someone who i can comfortably share my life with someone with similar values, but i also need someone with their own strong point of view who can challenge me and discuss interesting things with me or i will feel unfulfilled. I need someone i can trust and whom i respect.

I need someone physical, i need hugs, to put it mildly. I can't be with someone who doesn't like touch. Although i come across as someone who doesn't like touch so no one knows thats what i really want from a guy.

I need someone kind and caring and willing to listen. I need someone who doesn't judge me. I need someone who likes me, loves me back. Someone who i enjoy being around, someone who makes me laugh. Someone quirky.

It sounds like you've put in a lot of thought to make an actionable list. Well done.

hurtloam wrote:

I have all this in a friend of mine, but he's taken. I need someone of my very own.

... (no words) ...

nichiren
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 5 Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 54

06 Aug 2011, 6:29 pm

understanding communication blunt honesty and she has to be as anti social as I or it will not work due to her wanting more attention and time than i am comfortable offering

_________________
Suicide is not a cowardly act, it is a courageous one. It takes a huge force of will to overcome the hardwired instinct to survive at all costs.

gnatterfly
Snowy Owl

Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 166

06 Aug 2011, 6:33 pm

My husband is great! He's just what I need! He interacts with my stuffed animals with me!! He loves my quirks, and encourages my rants and theories! :wink:

_________________
Tonight you can't put me up on any shelf
Because I came here alone and I'm gonna leave by myself!

Solvejg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Mar 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,558
Location: gondwana

06 Aug 2011, 7:36 pm

Grisha wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

So Grisha... what would you need in order to have a partner?

Understanding, intellectual stimulation, laughter, respect, maybe a little admiration, and hot, hot sex... :wink:

Why hello there. :wink:

My list is simple.

1. For myself and my children to not be abused.

_________________
I love diggin' in the dirt
With just a pick and brush
Finding fossils is my aim
So I'm never in a rush

Artros
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jul 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 646
Location: The Netherlands

07 Aug 2011, 3:34 am

There are a number of wants I have for a girlfriend. I only have one need, though: I need to be able to trust her completely. I need to be know that she will have my back whatever bad thing happens.

_________________
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. " -Socrates
AQ: 40/50
EQ: 17/50
SQ: 72/80 (Extreme Synthesiser)
Aspie test: about 150/200 Aspie, about 40/200 NT

keira
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Feb 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,420
Location: misplaced

07 Aug 2011, 4:24 am

Understanding, acceptance and being there for me.

ntgrl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 155

07 Aug 2011, 7:35 am

I need to know what the other person’s expectations are of me; if these change I need to be informed. If I don’t know what the expectations are, I will have a much harder time meeting them.

I need for him to know what he can realistically give me and if he finds he cannot do what he says he can, then I would like to be informed.

I need for him to be able to define with me the “rules” of the relationship and then be able to follow them.

All of those things require honesty, and for him to know himself and what he is capable of

I need consistency

I need equity

I need for him to ask questions if he doesn’t understand my needs

I need to be able to trust that he is committed to the relationship

I need monogamy

I need sexual attraction

anna-banana
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,682
Location: Europe

07 Aug 2011, 9:27 am

I don't like the idea of needing someone to be a certain way or do certain things.

_________________
not a bug - a feature.

OhNowIGetIt
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

07 Aug 2011, 9:44 am

HONESTY.
Being honest on all levels is the main need.
It would be a very special man who could fill the need of love in my life and also my children.
One can hope.
If he is honest, that will be the only thing strong enough to be the base for this kind of love. Trust is the foundation of love as I see it. Trust comes through honesty, love builds on trust. It will have to be a strong foundation to build the love of a whole family, not just a couple in my situation.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

07 Aug 2011, 12:26 pm

anna-banana wrote:

I don't like the idea of needing someone to be a certain way or do certain things.

Do you mind if i ask why? As long as you don't try and change a person and try and make them into someone they are not to selfishly satisfy yourself i see no problem with deciding what needs i have and looking for someone with the kind of personality and lifestye that will work with my life to make us harmoniously fit together. If we disagree on things i accept that we will both need to be the kind of people who can talk things through and reach a compromise.

Of course i accept that i will have to meet what he needs in a relationship to make it work, it isn't all about me. Someone will hopefully look at me one dt and think she's got the qualities i need in a relationship.

Henbane
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,071
Location: UK

07 Aug 2011, 1:13 pm

Gentleness. Emotional intimacy. Humour. A tolerance for Star Trek/Buffy. The ability to make a decent cup of tea.

anna-banana
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,682
Location: Europe

07 Aug 2011, 1:27 pm

hurtloam wrote:

anna-banana wrote:

I don't like the idea of needing someone to be a certain way or do certain things.

what you say makes sense, but I was thinking more about the attitude - it doesn't seem very inclusive, and many of the comments here, although I do realise they were made jokingly, are kinda like that.

for example, if someone says they need good sex, what would they do if their partner had lost the ability to have sex? if they say they need intellectual stimulation, does it mean they would abandon their partner if they became demented or got Alzheimer's?

I dunno, maybe I'm misunderstanding this but in my mind wanting > needing, and "needing" borders on emotional blackmail (because, like someone said below, if we really "needed" any of this stuff then most of us would have been dead by now

)

_________________
not a bug - a feature.

Page 1 of 3 [ 37 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

What do you need from a partner? Post Reply New Topic

What do you need from a partner?