Done with online dating

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Although I haven't been active for quite some time, I finally got around to deleting my OKCupid profile today.

Online dating simply doesn't work for me, but of course "street" dating doesn't work for me either.

I guess it's just me and my cat from now on, I think this was always the case but I have finally accepted it as a probably permanent state of affairs.

Whatever...I just found it necessary to announce this for some reason...

Well, look on the bright side. You have achieved things that many wouldn't here.

Maybe it's time to start resting a bit now.

Too much legwork , with little results.

Thanks, I have tons to be grateful for, so I have no real reason to complain. It just isn't meant to be, for whatever reason...

Acceptance of your limitations is the first step in achieving real happiness.

Good! Online dating is bollocks.

Sometimes the good things show up when you stop looking for them. So learn to be content single.

Easier said than done, it is extremely difficult to abandon the idea completely, even though I would very much like to - it would make me feel much better about myself...

yay! I, for one, salute your decision Grisha. I'd like to say more but don't want to offend the online daters here, so I'll just say this - you've saved yourself a lot of disappointments. I hope you put that time to good use.

also - no stomach ulcers for you! boycotters of online dating unite!

It is never a good idea to give up on the things that are important to us. You have achieved success in your life because you didn't give up. Some things we want are a little harder to obtain.

My advice is to define what you really want. Is it a friend with benefits or a soul mate? When you can committ to what your goal is, you have a much better chance of obtaining it.

Grisha, you sound to me like an angler who has reeled in nothing but old boots all day and has therefore concluded that there are no trout in this lake.

In other words, your facts are correct but your conclusion is a little dicey. I would say it's way too early to declare that there are no trout ... maybe you need to change your bait, or try a different spot. Or hell, I dunno, maybe you need to forget the trout and go after bass.

Before I get too carried away with this metaphor, do you see what I'm saying?

Ok, I happen to agree with you about the online dating ... I tried it once or twice myself and it didn't work for me, either. So I changed my tactics. And while the details may be somewhat different for men and women, the fundamental game is the same ... finding people who are at least remotely compatible with you, and with whom you can spend a pleasant evening. I don't ask for anything more than that.

I don't consider that "settling". I consider it acknowledgement of the fact that while most men on this planet will never be "the one", that's beside the point. I can still have a good time with them. And it's the same for you. There are tons of ladies out there who would love to go out with you and who would show you a good time. Are they gonna be your soulmate? Most likely not. Soulmates don't come along every day, as you certainly know. But in the meantime, you can have a good time.

But just because you're reeling in boots now, that doesn't mean there aren't trophy fish out there.

Well I certainly feel like I've thrown the whole tackle box at every available species and got skunked anyway...

On the other hand maybe it's my expectations/goals that need to change, I actually went to Las Vegas with a couple of attractive young ladies a couple of weeks ago and actually had a pretty good time, something I never thought I would say - I wouldn't mind doing something like that again.

Well I tried FWB (although it was more "benefits" than "friendship") and found it really demoralizing, I gave it up and never regretted it.

Of course a "Soulmate" would be great, but I suspect the vast majority of people never find that, so it's unreasonable to expect that I will.

I just want to find something in-between, with the perfect balance of dependence and independence coupled with mutual respect, patience, understanding and hot, dirty sex.

Well, my opinion is that there's nothing wrong with your goals, but the expectations? Toss 'em. Forget about 'em. You don't need 'em. I truly believe that misguided expectations are the bane of man/woman interactions.

The only expectation I have for men is of simple civility. Beyond that, I try to be a blank slate, expectation-wise.




"A couple" of them? You stud, you!

Last edited by CaroleTucson on 09 Aug 2011, 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, there was no romance involved (unfortunately) and it was not without it's problems
(long story) but on the balance I had a good time...

Well, there you go

If you have no expectations about the romance part, you can just relax and enjoy yourself. If the romance happens, great. If not, well ... there's always next weekend.

It seems like on-line dating on OkCupid has worked for me. Remember the girl I was talking about in one of my threads a week ago? Well, I had another date with her on Sunday, and after the long chats I had with her, it seems that it's official. I'm even going trying to organize a lift with someone later this month so that I can spend a day with her at her place.

Nonetheless Grisha, I remember from your previous posts that none of the dates you got out of OkCupid really clicked with you. If your decision is not to further pursue any relationships, then I wish you good luck.