I don't care if people call me a "misogynist"

Post Reply New Topic

After my last thread got locked and me being told to personally "f**k off" by someone, I took a break from this site for a few days... actually it was like I was scared off because of the reactions to my opinions and feelings. I realized that I always reacted this way when people have tried to shout me down in the past. Not anymore, for now on I'm going to say what I think and feel on this site (within reason) regardless of how certain people may feel.


Look, I can give a f**k about other people and how they've been treated. I can only draw from my experiences and how I've been treated throughout my life.

I've been rejected by just about woman/girl that I've met in my life. I've been shunned, ridiculed, talked down to, and humiliated by them growing up. Heck, I think females did as much damage to me growing up (as far as bullying) than males did.

They're the main cause of the way that I feel about myself today.

I'm 25 and I haven't been on a date or so much as kissed a girl. I'm a lonely, depressed, suicidal, pathetic man that's spent most of the past few years locked in his house, afraid to go outside. Of course I'm going to have an attitude towards certain things or certain people.

I don't really think I'm a misogynist. I mean I would understand being called that if you base your feelings off just one woman rejecting you, shunning you, etc. That's not me. Over the past 14 years, I've basically been shitted on by dozens of women and that's were my feeling or so called "dislike" comes from.

If it makes anyone feel any better I feel almost the same way about men that I do about women.

What do you call a person that just hates people in general?

A misanthrope.

seeing you hate men as well, I doubt you are a mysogonist.

No, il stick to calling you a troll

I can't understand why. You seem like such a great catch.

Believe it or not, I understand a lot of the pain of many of the men here, not because I have some fine tuned empathic abilities, but because as a person with AS, I've struggled socially as well. I haven't experienced the pain of being rejected by girls of women but straight women with AS have their own basket of difficulties on the dating scene to deal with and while they might seem not nearly as bad to men as what they have to deal with, that's only because they aren't as relevant to men; but if you were a woman, they would be just as relevant, frustrating, and difficult for you to deal with as the things you deal with now as a man.

My point is, we are all really in the same boat, so to speak. We all have experience our fair share of hurt, and negative social experiences, and when you come on here and attack "all women", you are also attacking female members with AS who might feel just as low and hurt as you do....a female version of yourself.

Anyway, some social difficulties can be overcome and I might be able to help you address them if you wish but not everyone is up for making certain changes to themselves or their life.

I used to feel like you do. Then I realized that I was the one who needed to change, not half of the world's population. Hate them all you want, but when you're ready to meet them halfway, they will be too.

MR20, I think I read some of the stuff you wrote before, but I'm not going to be judgmental about it because I think we've all said some things at some point that we'd like to take back (except for you lucky mute mofos who for some reason can't even type, f**k the internet for leaving permanent records of all of the BS we type on it that we'd like to take back).

This is a much healthier attitude you are displaying, though. I couldn't give one and a half s**ts about what people call me anymore, and that's the best thing that I have changed about myself. I'd have gone on a rampage by now if I cared what other people said about me.

"Misogynist"? Someone tell me what is the correlation between miso soup and va... never mind.

Oh spare me. You can't just generalize women like that. If you meet them halfway there is no guarantee they will as well, that's a sexist generalization about women. And if he changed he wouldn't be "being himself".

To MXH: I think it's not nice to call someone a troll just because He's sharing his problems on online. that's what this forum is for. to share concerns and problems. it's really annoying when people like you can't find anything nice to say so instead you resort to calling someone a troll.
you should work on that or just do not come to forum if you are going to start calling everyone a troll.

people come to this forum to feel accepted and understood by people with similar issues and being called troll by someone unknown like you, is not something we should experience.

and I disagree with sacrip. I don't think its HIM that needs to change. and I personally think of sacrip as someone who believes that Aspies are the ones who need to change their ways to deal with the NTs.

Because I personally believe it's "people" that need to change whatever their evil, violent, selfish, ignorant ways of perciving things, judging things, categorizing things and doing things.

that's like saying people with Bright minds need to change their ways so that they can function with less bright minds in ordinary ways.

I would never tell Aspies or anyone who feels like this poster that it's YOU that need to change.

it's just matter of finding a person who accepts you for who you are.

and Never ever believe it when someone tells you its YOU that has a problem.

Because People who know the truth and the ones who speak the truth are truly rare in this life.

so of course if you tell the truth of what you know, you will be shunned and misunderstood by the general public. and General public do not like to face the truth nor do they even want to understand the truth about life??

its them that want to exist in ignorance and start calling everyone a CRAZY person.

As for being rejected by women, it's woman's job to reject every single men in order to protect themselves and in order to find the devoted and persistent men. that's how they go about finding the "REAL" one who is interested in something serious.
so it's not you that has experienced this with women but in fact, majority of men including the super stars have experienced the exactly the same stuff you are talking about. it's just that Most men do not want to admit it publically.

and its perfectly understanable to dislike most people. because most people are insecure, self-centered, ignorant, impatient, judgemental, filled with hatred etc.
I can't say I am so much better than them because I am a human being with issues afterall.
but I feel rightful by asserting that Most human beings are extremely selfish and Do no deserve to be Saved by GOD or Do they deserve to end up in such a place like "heaven".
and they certainly do not deserve your unconditional love.

although it's rare but there are often few human beings who truly cherish human lives and practice love in everything they do.

so you are doing the right thing by not necessarily changing your ways to adapt to their ways but by being extremely selective about whom you want to give your trust and unconditional love and avoid the ones who will eventually cause conflict and troubles in further down the road.

I am a misanthrope myself but I treat everyone equally and fairly.

Last edited by staralfurious on 17 Aug 2011, 1:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

I don't think MR20 is a misogynist or even a misanthrope. I think he is frustrated at beating his head against a wall to no effect, and being rebuffed repeatedly will not do anyone's world outlook any good.

I'm thinking it's not a bad idea to decide to sit out the social jungle for a while to regroup and get some perspective. Certainly the older I get, the more past occasions I can look back on and with hindsight say, "Ohhhh, so that's why they did this when I did that." When you're in the middle of it you really can't see it. And it's usually that unspoken social rule thing that trips us up.

When I was 25 we had never heard of Asperger's. I knew I was weird and offended people somehow sometimes, and I wasn't "getting" things that other people "got". And it really complicated the whole social/dating/marriage scene. The one thing that made it easier for me as a female was that my basic coping mechanism has always been to go with the flow, and go along with what the majority or the significant other chose, because my own choices seemed so often to be "wrong" to everyone else. This passivity is apparently more acceptable in a female.

I suggest you find and read "Never Cry Wolf" by Farley Mowat and all the social psychology you can lay your hands on. (It won't apply to you as much as it does to the people you have to interact with. But you can get some insight.) If you can learn some of the ritualized social signals that you may have been making mistakes with, you will be able to better interpret what people say and mean with their words and actions. You will also know some things to avoid that would lead to negative reactions. If you have those tools you can decide how to use them to produce better interactions.

Well, there are certain situations where being one's self is such a problem for them that they really have no other reasonable choice but to change (within reason) to start towards a more tolerable state of existence.

I'm certainly not the same person I was ten years ago; I'm not even the same person I was five years ago, or even three. Even one, for that matter. I've changed. Because I saw things in myself and in my life that I didn't like, knew I could change, and then went about changing them. Not over night, though, for sure. But over a period months and even years. I changed because I realized what other people didn't like about me, and in turn I came to not like about me, and decided to try to change myself, little by little. To put in the extra effort to be a little more positive, politer, more social individual.

I'm still not there yet, and I highly doubt I ever will be; but I'm trying, and that's what counts, right? Because all we can ever really do is try.

As long as the posts you make and the opinions you express stay within the WP rules you can make them as much as you want. I won't be reading them anyway.

Your personal experiences should be viewed as...personal experiences.

Extrapolating them to 3.5 billion people based on the individuals in question having similar genitalia is irrational.

People call me misogynist, sexist, racist, fascist, liberal do-gooder, bigoted, classist etc. all the time. I just ignore it.

What I get from this post is that you are in a great deal of pain, and feel very alone. I don't know if you are a misogynist. But I'm not sure if that's the issue really.

A relationship with a woman might improve things for you, but it sounds to me that you need other things to happen first. The quality of your life needs to improve generally before I think you would be able to cope with the emotional and social intensity that a relationship could bring. A relationship will fail if you go into it feeling the way you do about yourself, regardless of your general attitudes to women.

Having been a hermit myself for the past few years, and withdrawing from people hugely until quite recently, I can relate to you. I've been very depressed, very lonely, suicidal, in a very dark place. I've had no friendships, no social contact (except with my mother). Things are looking up for me, but it's taken time, and pushing at some uncomfortable boundaries. I've had to work at it, and do things I haven't particularly enjoyed, to improve my anxiety and try to see the world as a less unfriendly and hostile place.

Do you have anyone you talk to about your mental health? I don't know what country you are in, but is there a mental health team or doctor you could talk to, who could refer you to support? Are there groups you could go to? Meet ups? Befriending schemes? Do you have interests that you could explore outside your home?

It's not automatic that someone who has AS should feel so isolated and alone. It sounds to me like you need some help in order to improve the quality of your life, meet some people, improve your self image, get out and about, and generally increase your confidence in life. Think about your general happiness in life. You deserve to have a decent quality of life, but you may have to challenge some of your thinking, push against the barriers you have put up against life. It's worth it though. Good luck.

Let's remember how relationships work:

(1) They are like a job where it is okay to discriminate on appearance. Too fat, too ugly, etc, you have a serious trouble getting a relationship. No car = harder to get a relationship, just like no car can make it harder to get a job. There are many similarities between the two. Someone you may even get a dating interview, where the woman who may go out with you starts asking questions. To hell with that, I'd rather have friends, or a pet, if I want company.

However, you cannot stop working unless you want to become a bum, or a beggar, or a homeless guy. But you can say "f***k relationships" and stick to a life of relationship abstinence.

This is where we go to #2

(2) When you forget about having a relationship, you enter a second realm. A realm most people, whether gay or hetero never see. Now, having a relationship is not like a job at all. It is now "a religion", and telling someone you don't want a relationship may equal telling someone you have no religion. You will get similar reactions, ranging from "you are stupid", or "you are ignorant", all the way to questions like "Are you happy? You know you are not happy. You need someone.", or advices that may work for you, or may not work for you because in the end, you, and only you, fully understand your situation. You may even get someone who will try to convert you to his sexual orientation if you let him, or someone who will try to find you a mate, if you let him. A religious person who realizes you are not religious may say, "I think you are angry with God." Likewise, a person who realizes you don't want a relationship may tell you that you hate women, or you are homo-repressed.

Both things are "musts" in every society, so if you say "no" to either of them, you may find yourself in more trouble than you think.