My thought, if she went that long without talking to you and you were in that much of a blackout, I don't know how long you guys had dated but if it had actually been a handful of dates and if you'd made good faith attempts to get in touch with her but it didn't happen - if thats the case you can't blame yourself because to any sane person that looks like your being dumped without a dear John or anything. From what your saying though I don't have enough information to actually say whether she was someone you'd want to get back together with or not. If she really just neglected you for that long and wants to come back, if things were going sour from her end and she wasn't talking to you about it and wouldn't, I'd take that as a sign that she probably was with another guy much of that time and possibly even part of the time while things were fading - in that case you likely didn't do anything that she wasn't already doing right back. Either way its weird that you guys would just lose touch with eachother, again, I have no idea what the terms were of that but if I were you I'd look at it this way - if its like I said before and she seemed to distant to talk to and just dropped off the face of the earth and isn't telling you why - she's on the rebound and I'd think real carefully about taking her back - you know her way better than I do so I think only you can make that decision. If you feel like it was more you just not calling her and lets say you were in a long-term relationship, you really might want to call her and say "I was wondering if you could come over - we need to talk about a few things". At that point you lay out what happened, do tell her that you started dating another girl because you felt that she'd left, and tell her especially the reasons you felt justified that action. Heck, either way if you do get back together with her I'd tell her. Still, loyalties are extremely important to examine in this case and I'd look to see who's playing you more straight and who's actually talking to you when there's problems, who's actually seeming like they'd stick by your side and let you know if things were off rather than just vanishing - that kind of thing matters and if your ex was acting sketchy, probably no matter what your feeling, at that rate she wouldn't be worth getting back with because this kind of behavior would likely be a going concern. Of course if the new girl doesn't seem that much better in that regard or just seems like someone who'd stay with you when times were good or still wasn't mature enough not to just play it opportunistic and hop the next better thing she saw - again, that's something else you have to seriously factor into your decision.
If you have any friends who you know are straight-shooters, don't have an agenda, and really are looking out for you best interest as well as possibly being the kind of NT's that are real observant and on-point about assessing someones character I'd get their input on the two girls and what was going on. The worst thing about being infatuated or even in love, especially in the start is that your blinded, your too close to the situation, and often times it will be people on the outside who will be able to note all kinds of things that you couldn't have seen - that stuff's important to find out.
17 Sep 2006, 11:35 pm
