downside to the aspie husband

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Just as my kids and I got back from a water/amusement park and I come in the house - NO! not to rest finally but to start cooking for the husband...he says, "My God! You went walking around looking like that...don't you care about yourself?!" I could've killed him right then and there!
After driving in the sweltering heat, getting lost, then going in the water, getting burned by the sun, being pushed and shoved by line-cutting bullies, screaming my head on all the coasters and then having to come home and make dinner - God forbid that I should bring home a couple of pizzas...He says that. That total strapper.
I would've told him to go F himself but I was too tired. He thinks pizza is unhealthy. What the hell is the matter with pizza and a nice, big salad on the side?! AND then after all that, he sulks because I didn't care to DO IT after we went to bed!
Sometimes it's hard to be a woman

You're justified in feeling upset and I don't think you should put up with being spoken to in that way. He needs to understand how it makes you feel, not to mention what sort of example it might set for your kids.

I also don't think that treating people poorly is something exclusive to aspie husbands, though. There are plenty of NT's and females out there who treat their partners badly, too.

I want to be a husband again, I was a very good one.

Couples create their own rules for acceptable meanness.

I couldnt get away with that without unpleasant consequences. And neither could she.

That's the downside of your husband.

My Mom had a great solution to cooking/dinner complaints. Anyone who didn't like what she put on the table and was ungracious enough to say so automatically became cook for the next night. She wasn't the best cook in the world but the point was she made the effort to cook for you and you should not be ungrateful and critical. My brother Jimmy was guaranteed to cook the night after we had mashed potatoes because he was unable to keep himself from commenting on the lumps. In time it was actually funny because he could not make it thru dinner and we all knew it.

Maybe that would help the cooking thing.

i dont see were the aspeis part plays in?

ive heard the same exact scenarios from NT couples

so from the way i see it, this has nothing to do with a "downside to the aspies husband"

i thought it was going to be something like complusiveness or something along those lines that aspies tend to hav issues with

I would recommend you watching a movie: The prize winner of Defiance, Ohio (2005). Her husband did worst things to this woman and she never lost her smile. In a part of the movie the woman says to her husband: " I don't need you to make me happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am." She is my hero. We need to learn that. Not to let our husbands steal our happiness. Our happiness is something WE should determine, and not let other people erase the smile from our faces.

You have to remember Aspies say just what they think. After the day you describe I imagine you looked terrible, but felt HAPPY. He just said what he saw. You looked horrible, he said that. Just ignore him. Just reply: "No, I don't". That's what I do with my little Aspie when she starts bitching. I just ignore her and dismiss her mean comments with positive ones. Probably after a lot of repetitions (try about a couple of years) he will get it and change his attitude.

After about 16 years of marriage I have arrived to the conclusion that husbands are like dogs. And I am not trying to be disrespectful here. Husbands are like dogs: you need to train them. (They have to train us as well.) We have to set the limits of what is and what is not acceptable. But you do not have to do that disrespecting them, yelling at them, or getting mad at them. We do it just like we train our Aspie kids: reward the good behavior and ignore/redirect the bad behavior.

My Aspie husband do not cook, either. But as he does not cook, he has no saying on what we are eating. Even less if I AM PAYING FOR FOOD. He has some point about the pizza not being healthy, but eating pizza once in a while is not going to kill you. But if healthy is the subject, you can try Greek pizza. It is made with pita bread and natural tomato sauce. And you can order a vegan one. Problem solved. If you are late for dinner you can also make sandwiches: integral bread, low fat cheese, low fat mayo, turkey breast, tomato, lettuce, TADAAAA!! ! Healthy dinner in 5 minutes. You can also keeping integral pasta in your fridge, adding Parmesan cheese, olive oil and ham for a quick dinner, plus salad aside. That way you are both happy

Husbands just do not get that if they treat us like crap we are NOT going to want sex. Aspie husbands get it even less. So just say "I am sorry, but I am too tired and I just want to sleep". If he gets mad that's his problem.

And by the way, IT IS ALWAYS HARD BEING A WOMAN. But I like it anyway.

Oh btw, you could also just said : "Fine, we eat the pizza, you eat the salad!"