Best girl advice for aspie guys

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MetalAspie
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03 Oct 2011, 12:31 pm

Simonono wrote:
I don't like this thread. I don't like seeing other people's successes.

Discuss.


That kind of mentality isn't going to get you anywhere with the ladies, my friend. You're just gonna find yourself wallowing in your own self-pity, and thats not healthy. Trust me, I've been there.



karenina
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03 Oct 2011, 12:40 pm

I like this thread. It's got lots of good advice.

Don't think about it as changing who you are, but as learning to socialise much like you'd learn any other skill. Also, don't feel like you have to completely change your interests, maybe just try to be more open minded to others. Geeky/nerdy guys who've learnt social skills are awesome.



MetalAspie
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03 Oct 2011, 1:21 pm

karenina wrote:
I like this thread. It's got lots of good advice.

Don't think about it as changing who you are, but as learning to socialise much like you'd learn any other skill. Also, don't feel like you have to completely change your interests, maybe just try to be more open minded to others. Geeky/nerdy guys who've learnt social skills are awesome.


Definitley not changing my interests. I'm a metalhead in an art school - surrounded by hipsters and hip hop kids. I'm an odd-man-out, but I've learned how to be cool about it.

And I agree with that last statement. Actually most kids in art school ARE geeky/nerdy kids who've learned social skills.



Wolfheart
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03 Oct 2011, 1:47 pm

MetalAspie wrote:
That kind of mentality isn't going to get you anywhere with the ladies, my friend. You're just gonna find yourself wallowing in your own self-pity, and thats not healthy. Trust me, I've been there.


Very true, I've noticed the mindset tends to be very negative on here. People build this preconception that they're unattractive and hopeless that by the time they've mustered enough courage up to talk to a girl, they've already blown it.

I think this thread can also show guys that all they need is self-belief and practice and don't require to be a male model or have a huge bank account to get interest from girls. I've noticed some guys tend to blame external circumstances as a reason to justify negative thinking when it's clearly not the case.



MR20
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03 Oct 2011, 1:57 pm

MetalAspie wrote:
Simonono wrote:
I don't like this thread. I don't like seeing other people's successes.

Discuss.


That kind of mentality isn't going to get you anywhere with the ladies, my friend. You're just gonna find yourself wallowing in your own self-pity, and thats not healthy. Trust me, I've been there.


Can you admit that there's no hope for me dating? I'm ugly, slow, poor, uneducated (spent most of my school years in special ed until I dropped out in the 9th after repeating twice), irritating and annoying. I lack charisma, confidence, and any skills or talents that would attract people.

I'm jobless, carless, I don't have any friends, in fact I've spent the last few years locked up inside my house. I'm 25 years old and I haven't so much as kissed a girl my entire life. I still live with my parents and we live off SSI and food stamps. I can barely take care of myself. My main interest are porn, anime, and video games.

There's no hope of me becoming "cool", and there's no way that I can come close to the amount of success that you've had with women.



MR20
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03 Oct 2011, 2:02 pm

MetalAspie wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
Practice makes perfect though. Best advice - watch the movie Dazed & Confused over and over again. That movie is like a tutorial guide on how to act in social situations. I've grown so socially fluent that when I tell NT people that i have aspergers, they think I'm kidding.

And appearence also has alot to do with it. Keep yourself in shape, and theres nothing wrong with spending a good amount of time in front of the mirror to make yourself look good.

This was me a couple years ago. Chubby, kinda dorky, awkward...Not exactly "ladies man material"

and this is me now. nuff said
[img][800:642]http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/319192_2478237841590_1421845081_32857340_1720523032_n.jpg[/img]


Why only Asians?


None of those girls look Asian?

Either way thread author has my congrats. You tried to do something about your life instead of whining on an internet forum about how women are shallow air heads and gold diggers. :P


Why thank you. Yeah, theres nothing that bothers me more than aspie guys who complain about mean women are, but meanwhile they're acting like creepers to them. Like I can see why their behaviour would be seen as off-putting to them.

There's also a very good chance that I might end up dating the girl on the far left. So wish me luck.


Women are mean and disrespectful to me because I'm a pathetic excuse for a man. I'm a really easy target to pick on. I really wish they wouldn't do it, but you can't change how the world works I guess.



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03 Oct 2011, 2:07 pm

Very inspiring transformation, congrats dude, some of the best advice I've read on this forum. Basically you're telling aspie guys to not be too analytical or worry about the outcome and to not take themselves or approaching women too seriously and to just go with it and treat every interaction as a learning experience.



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03 Oct 2011, 2:33 pm

MetalAspie wrote:
1. If you're trying to meet girls at like school or a workplace, heres one thing you need to remember - Being "the cool guy" helps. Giving off the impression that everybody in the room is your best friend makes you seem desirable. Alot of aspies will hang around a group of their peers, and fixate themself on 1 girl and only talk to her. That seems creepy. Sure, you can shoot the sh** with her if you're interested, but if you give everyone else youre with an equal amount of attention, it will work in your benefit.

3. Girls get jealous. So talk to other girls too. Cuz she'll see you with her, get jealous, and want you more. Sounds crazy. It works.


Well as I am not the most social person I am not much intrested in the guy who seems to be everyones best friend, that would be weird for me.......I mean unless its a rather small gathering of people then its not an issue. But yeah I like to be away from most people most of the time so I imagine I am more into guys who also feel that way and are more likely to sit in the corner farthest away from people in a crowed place like I would probably do.

And I'm not the jealous type....I would be sad if a guy I was dating paid more attention to other chicks, as I would feel like I am failing in some way. like the dude I guess I would say I am dating now.....if he was talking to another girl but still included me then I would be cool with it if he were to tell me to go stand somewhere else while he talks to the chick then it would bother me especially if flirting is involved.

Other than that though a lot of that is accurate in my opinion.



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03 Oct 2011, 2:59 pm

MetalAspie wrote:
..... I'm a metalhead in an art school - surrounded by .....


If your a guy at art school who cant get laid, theres something wrong with you

Is it like 15 girls for every boy??

Mmmmm... art school girlies .....mmmmm


I'm starting to see a pattern here....eyebrow boy finds art school puss puss heaven, then berates aspie boy for failure to do the same at engineering tech...

.....bit like making fun of the Amish?



Last edited by Surfman on 03 Oct 2011, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MetalAspie
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03 Oct 2011, 3:04 pm

MR20 wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
Simonono wrote:
I don't like this thread. I don't like seeing other people's successes.

Discuss.


That kind of mentality isn't going to get you anywhere with the ladies, my friend. You're just gonna find yourself wallowing in your own self-pity, and thats not healthy. Trust me, I've been there.


Can you admit that there's no hope for me dating? I'm ugly, slow, poor, uneducated (spent most of my school years in special ed until I dropped out in the 9th after repeating twice), irritating and annoying. I lack charisma, confidence, and any skills or talents that would attract people.

I'm jobless, carless, I don't have any friends, in fact I've spent the last few years locked up inside my house. I'm 25 years old and I haven't so much as kissed a girl my entire life. I still live with my parents and we live off SSI and food stamps. I can barely take care of myself. My main interest are porn, anime, and video games.

There's no hope of me becoming "cool", and there's no way that I can come close to the amount of success that you've had with women.


That was the most depressing thing I've ever read. You should really do something about your life while you're still young. Maybe start going to anime conventions and meet anime girls.

Surfman wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
..... I'm a metalhead in an art school - surrounded by .....


If your a guy at art school who cant get laid, theres something wrong with you

Is it like 15 girls for every boy??

Mmmmm... art school girlies .....mmmmm


Haha exactly. In fact, theres even better advice. If you're awkward and wanna get laid - go to art school!



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03 Oct 2011, 4:17 pm

MetalAspie wrote:
Image





Love the Bathory shirt.



MetalAspie
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03 Oct 2011, 4:22 pm

Burzum wrote:
MetalAspie wrote:
Image





Love the Bathory shirt.


Thanks, Bathory rules! I love your user name too. Good to see more metalheads on here.



seoulgamer
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03 Oct 2011, 4:31 pm

Personally, the one bit of advice for attracting girls I wouldn't follow is the one about teasing them. While I don't doubt that it works, it's just not in my nature to go taking jabs at people, good-natured or not, and I'm not about to go so far outside my comfort zone that I start acting in ways that go against who I like to be.

It does seem clear that confidence, charisma and a strong reputation amongst your peers are the key factors in triggering attraction. While I found the advice around threads like this one and DataSage's guide disheartening at first, I realised that they really do explain why you can really get on well with a girl but for there to be no romantic interest at all on her part. While I'd rather just enjoy talking to them rather than focusing on coming across strongly, I've come to realise that you have to flirt with them to get any kind of appreciable chemistry going.


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03 Oct 2011, 6:34 pm

I'm going to say something that I THINK is more important than the advice you are giving. I think at least anyways.

While I think your advice is helpful, you have your "image". From your photographs(even the first one), it is obvious that you know who you are, and you aren't afraid of showing the world. You already had your style and your attitude, that is where your "swag" comes from. From your body language and facial expressions in both photographs it doesn't appear that you have any shy or "not sure what you want to be" vibes.

You definitely have your "it" factor, and that seems to be what has been working for you and in turn producing confidence. I think that is the most important element before tips and suggestions on how to socialize. I think once you have "it", socializing comes more naturally.

I don't have "it". I might have been close to getting "it" at various times, but it just never happened. I can read countless advice on how to socialize and influence people, but I don't think it really matters. I don't have that "This is who I am" attitude to myself like you do.

This is why I believe "social skills" are kind of a myth, everything depends on personality and who you are.

Anyways I would like your comment on this. Maybe what I described isn't you at all....feel free to describe your trials and tribulations...thanks



MR20
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03 Oct 2011, 6:48 pm

lightening020 wrote:
I'm going to say something that I THINK is more important than the advice you are giving. I think at least anyways.

While I think your advice is helpful, you have your "image". From your photographs(even the first one), it is obvious that you know who you are, and you aren't afraid of showing the world. You already had your style and your attitude, that is where your "swag" comes from. From your body language and facial expressions in both photographs it doesn't appear that you have any shy or "not sure what you want to be" vibes.

You definitely have your "it" factor, and that seems to be what has been working for you and in turn producing confidence. I think that is the most important element before tips and suggestions on how to socialize. I think once you have "it", socializing comes more naturally.

I don't have "it". I might have been close to getting "it" at various times, but it just never happened. I can read countless advice on how to socialize and influence people, but I don't think it really matters. I don't have that "This is who I am" attitude to myself like you do.

This is why I believe "social skills" are kind of a myth, everything depends on personality and who you are.

Anyways I would like your comment on this. Maybe what I described isn't you at all....feel free to describe your trials and tribulations...thanks


Yeah something else you have to consider, is that ever aspie born on different functioning levels. I mean just because you're able to go out, have friends, and date frequently like normal people, doesn't every other aspie can.