How to talk to girls?
My situation's a little... special. And I don't know what the socially right thing to do is.
Here's how it is, in a nutshell: I've been a loner my whole life, and I'm now 16, a junior in high school. I've pretty much always kept to myself. Never been known as talkative, and unless someone says something to me, about 99.9% of the time, I'm not going to say anything, either. Even if they do, I may give a short, concise answer and try to end the conversation as soon as possible.
So people have always known not to talk to me- I think they just assume I'm not the social type. That was how I always felt about myself. Never concerned with social things, like parties, romantic relationships, or even hanging out with friends (Which I considered a hassle, and which my Mom has always had to bribe me to do).
And yet, here I am, on anxiety medication for the past few months, going to group therapy with other Aspies, and suddenly my outlook has changed. I am raising my hand in class to answer questions. I even initiate conversation every once in a while. Hormones are raging, albeit a few years late. Only problem: I've never really had any female friends. The reason for this, I think, is because I've historically been only comfortable talking to people I've always known- I have known most of my friends since elementary school, or early middle school. And during this period, in which I met most of my friends, children still have a phobia of the opposite sex. This meant that no girls would naturally talk to me during this time period- only boys would. And I, of course, wouldn't initiate conversation with anyone else.
Now I have literally one female friend, and the only reason I am friends with her is because during the period at the end of elementary school, she was the tom-boy type, so she hung out with the guys. I would like to have more friends of the opposite sex, but I don't know how to proceed. Wouldn't it seem awkward if I just randomly started conversation with someone after being known as the school loner- the kid who never says anything? How do I handle this situation? I could really use some guidance.
Joker
Veteran

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
Here's how it is, in a nutshell: I've been a loner my whole life, and I'm now 16, a junior in high school. I've pretty much always kept to myself. Never been known as talkative, and unless someone says something to me, about 99.9% of the time, I'm not going to say anything, either. Even if they do, I may give a short, concise answer and try to end the conversation as soon as possible.
So people have always known not to talk to me- I think they just assume I'm not the social type. That was how I always felt about myself. Never concerned with social things, like parties, romantic relationships, or even hanging out with friends (Which I considered a hassle, and which my Mom has always had to bribe me to do).
And yet, here I am, on anxiety medication for the past few months, going to group therapy with other Aspies, and suddenly my outlook has changed. I am raising my hand in class to answer questions. I even initiate conversation every once in a while. Hormones are raging, albeit a few years late. Only problem: I've never really had any female friends. The reason for this, I think, is because I've historically been only comfortable talking to people I've always known- I have known most of my friends since elementary school, or early middle school. And during this period, in which I met most of my friends, children still have a phobia of the opposite sex. This meant that no girls would naturally talk to me during this time period- only boys would. And I, of course, wouldn't initiate conversation with anyone else.
Now I have literally one female friend, and the only reason I am friends with her is because during the period at the end of elementary school, she was the tom-boy type, so she hung out with the guys. I would like to have more friends of the opposite sex, but I don't know how to proceed. Wouldn't it seem awkward if I just randomly started conversation with someone after being known as the school loner- the kid who never says anything? How do I handle this situation? I could really use some guidance.
Good for you that you feeling more confident about socialization. My advice is this: be yourself and talk to her about something you have in common (TV show, music, hobby, a movie you both like or even something social going on at your school). No doubt you will be the gentleman you are and in all likelihood you will have pleasant contact which might lead to friendship or even more!
Good luck and please keep us posted!
This is the wonderful thing about being a teenager, you are allowed to change You might find that some people are surprised when you begin to talk to them, but they will get used to it faster than you think. In my opinion, probably the person that will be the most surprised is you.
It is wonderful that you are feeling more capable of reaching out of your comfort zone. You can start a small chat about home work for a class or a school event, such as "Are you going to the fundraiser Thursday?" or "Was the assignment to read page 40 or was it 40 through 41?" or something like that. It doesn't have to be a huge thing to start out.
It is OK to be different than you were, roles in high school are not set in stone, people discover new interests and abilities all the time at that age.
Let us know how it goes, too.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 48 of 200
EQ 12 SQ 70 = Extreme Systemizer
Try saying hi to girls. That would be a good start to being friends with more girls. Then after saying hi, add things like "How are you?" and "What have you been up to?" At some point, start adding relevant questions like the ones glasstoria mentioned. There is an inevitable awkwardness that sometimes happens when you are talking to girls. Being a gentleman to the ladies will get you a fair amount farther than trying to show off. If you ever hurt her feelings(which can happen without you realizing it), ask for forgiveness. Once, I found out a girl liked me. I liked her too, and this actually happened twice. Both times I found out I asked why they liked me. They didn't say anything about me being a hunk. They said it was because of being a friend. And about the social thing, it's just as often as not worth trying to be politically or socially correct(I don't mean that you to be individual by acting punk or being rebellious.) Don't try to think so much about what society thinks. What do you think is right(not that anyone is ever always right)? Tell us how it goes. One last thing, few people are naturally smooth with the ladies. So don't sweat it. You'll do fine.
_________________
The mind-what's possible in it is impossible to say
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