So tell me...

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I've often seen the opinion expressed on this forum that it is the alpha males/those with the highest social status who get all the girls.

If that's true, then why is it that I see so many perfectly average men who are in relationships or married?

And to forestall the inevitable "well they must be with ugly women": no they aren't. They are often with average-looking ones. Besides which, looks aren't a measure of someone's worth, and anyone who has "pretty" as their sole criterion for judging women deserves whatever insane, gold-digging b*****s they attract.

I'm pretty average/attractive looking if not very social.

"last year in TO"
Anyway I don't really go for super hot guys. I don't even mind if a guy is a little over weight. I just want someone kind who I can psychologically bond with. Which is difficult being on the spectrum. I've had really good relationships with a few Aspie guys and NTs that weren't perfect. At my age people aren't all necessarily looking for long term but if I was to I'd stick to average guys who are creative and intelligent not necessarily super sexy or social. Average guys are more likely to provide a stable and happy long term relationship. From what I've experienced.

Last edited by Angel_ryan on 31 Oct 2011, 9:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't consider myself an "alpha male" by any stretch of the imagination. Frankly, I don't see myself anywhere in the entire Greek alphabet.

But I've had a lot of relationships, and generally I think it all boils down to a couple of things.

I'm a good listener. I studied psychology for seven years, so I know HOW to listen. I have a reputation for being a problem-solver, and, up until a couple years ago, I was everybody's "designated therapist."

And people want someone who builds them up, who enhances their lives, who makes them feel good about themselves.

One thing I eventually realized -- and I found this a little disturbing, actually -- was that it doesn't matter how I feel about her, it doesn't matter how she feels about me -- what matters is how she feels about herself when she's around me. Because, in my experience, that's the biggest factor in whether or not the relationship sustains itself.

Of course, it all went to hell eventually, because it turned out I simply can't find anybody who will accept me for the childfree recluse author I am. So even though I had all these relationships, none of them turned out to be worth a handful of dryer lint because I wasn't willing to shut my brain off and become Beaver Cleaver's 1950s dad.

So maybe the average-looking ones who get the girls just have some insight into things that even the alphas don't know? Or maybe I'm wrong about the whole thing.

Sounds like this is a small percent, I'm sure 90% of people are not Alpha Males. People date people who are like them. Hence the average and average together, but I'm sure I didn't read your post correctly since I have trouble reading.

OP... i believe the alpha male thing is complete and utter crap. it's not like the people who get married are all one single type of male who can be categorised, and the men who do not marry are some other type. or that the men who manage to have casual sex partners are all one personality or high status or something. it doesn't work that way. humans seem hellbent on trying to categorise each other according to some arbitrary criteria but it doesn't actually fit.

it's like putting 50 different kinds of fruit in a box and labeling it "exotic super-wonderful nommy special crispy alpha fruits", then putting the same mix of fruit in another box and calling it "local average simple soft beta fruit". the mixtures are the same, the boxes are the same, but the fancy labels make one box seem extra special. the "alpha" orange in the first box is the same as the "beta" orange, but one box has a better sales pitch. the "alpha" concept is a hot sales item in the dating and business world.

business leaders are often labeled "alpha" yet they have all types of personalities. and if a man is not successful in the business world he is labeled beta... even if he has the same characteristics as the alpha male! it makes no sense to me. entire industries are built around these concepts, which only make some sense in the wild and even then they are not universal or absolute indicators of any sort.

oops i think that was a rant.

I completely agree. My post is a challenge to those who do believe the alpha male thing to explain why the evidence is otherwise.

sorry, i just had this soapbox laying right here... and i stepped on it for a sec...

There's nothing wrong with soapboxing in an effort to change popular misconceptions.

It's not true. Some Men on this forum just want to blame anyone but themselves for the fact they can't get a date. In most cases it's women and alpha males.



Also I've seen very average men with very attractive women. Nothing stands true at all. They're just using all this as a scapegoat in regards to taking responsibility.

Funnily enough, I came to this conclusion only very recently, about social connections in general.
Before, I was trying to figure out what the "right" thing was to do, and now I'm starting to just think of ways to make someone enjoy themselves or feel good when around me.

Ex- at theatre group today, a woman was talking about being in her church play, and I told her that was awesome, and she shouldn't belittle it, as she was. Another was talking about her dreams as far as pursuing music technology, and I said she should totally apply to this college she likes.

That's another thing (now that I'm pretty well-established as being completely off-topic): people love to talk about themselves.
My switch has been from worrying about how to answer their \questions, to thinking of questions to ask them.

That sounds so complicated There are hardly ANY people around me to begin with. Am I projecting some human repelling field?

Guys should lose the Alpha Male mentality already unless their intent is striving to become a baboon IRL.

^ This, I can't stress this enough and enough, many people who are diagnosed tend to talk self obsessively or talk about themselves in a self defeatist way without realizing it's unattractive or understanding that the person may have no interest in what you're saying and just see you as someone that is self pitying or loathing and even if they do have interest, they'll only associate you as someone who is negative or makes them feel negative in themselves. People want to talk about themselves with enthusiasm, people want to feel a sense of self importance and in some cases, self assurance. That's why many girls love a guy who is the center of attention.