Mate Searching Strategies for Autistic Males

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swbluto
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01 Nov 2011, 12:35 am

Anybody have any good mate searching strategies for autistic males? I would think that since autistic males have a harder time with nonverbal cues and "more neurotypical females", it'd be better to avoid females who tend to be more expressive or "fluid" in body language, facial expression regulation and tonality if longterm compatibility matters. I've never actually implemented this searching strategy in real life but I'm guessing it might improve the search efficiency and odds a bit.

Also, for males, I think for those who naturally have a smaller pool of girls that would find you attractive, you have to... try more! Cast a wider net! When you're looking for needle in the haystack, you have to search a bit more and be a little more persistent than when you're, say, searching for a piece of straw in the haystack. Of course, improving your "self" by improving other areas in your life isn't a bad thing, at all, and will increase the pool of girls who'd find you attractive.



swbluto
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02 Nov 2011, 11:56 pm

So, no one has any advice?

Or is my thread "too autistic" or 'something' for this subforum which has a noticeable NT presence and influence? :roll: :lol:



Shebakoby
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03 Nov 2011, 2:17 am

sorry, I don't know anything. :(



Pocket
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03 Nov 2011, 2:41 am

You may consider the usual thing for Aspie guys, netdating. You may also, as I have been advised, and done successfully engage yourself (if able) in societies, clubs and volunteering related to your special interests, here people (girls) have a better chance of getting to know you over time.

With regards to trying harder, I am really not sure. I do not know if you need to try harder, but generally trying too hard will make you look desperate=unatractive. However if you do not seem to try at all, trying a bit harder may be a strategy.

Selecting girls who are less able to communicate nonverbally does not seem to be much of a strategy to me. Those with higher non-verbal skills may also be the ones who are better at picking up on Aspie-signals. You never know.



auntblabby
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03 Nov 2011, 3:51 am

:oops: :roll: if i knew anything at all, chances are i'd be a married grandfather by now and solidly middle class. but at least from decades of watching from the sidelines as other people screw up in manifold ways, i can say what NOT to do-

*Never neglect oneself, never let oneself go to pot- stay in shape, in the same shape one was in as a young adult. never forget to maintain god's temple that is one's body. that means regular hygiene for one's insides as well as outsides [bathing, dental care, skin care, proper nutrition, grooming, regular exercise].
*Never forget to take care of oneself as one would a precious possession, be gentle with oneself. if one has the common aspie deficits in proprioception, arrange one's local environment to be as accident-proof as one can make it.
*Never neglect to learn to imitate other people's superficial social behaviors at least. if people smile and wave at you, unfailingly return the gestures no matter what. even if one doesn't feel nice, take pains to treat others as one would be treated.
*Never forget that one is just as much a child of the universe as the next fellow, and just as deserving of love as the next fellow, and with just as much a right to expect good things from life as the next fellow. if it is the last thing one does, one should ashcan one's inferiority complex every time thoughts of such pop up.
*Never let oneself appear desperate. it is the extremely rare compassionate person who responds well to another's desperation. comport oneself as a person deserving of respect, which means maintaining erect posture, moving deliberately, NOT looking down at one's feet EVER when another person looks at you- if you must avert your gaze, use the "cut-off" gesture of looking quickly aside as though focused on something in the distance.
*Never forget that the search for a mate is akin to a search for a business partner, treat such a relationship as a business at first, you are looking for mutual compatibility and synergy. sex appeal must be an initial part of attracting somebody [hence your diligent maintenance of your own body] but not to the point where one becomes obsessed with the first looker one sees. avoid "fixer-uppers," as human beings are not like a rehab-able house or restorable old classic car. expecting another person to cooperate with one's plans for their improvement can only lead to mutual disappointment. mutual compatibility must come first and last and inbetween. this means casting a very wide net, to include people from other races and countries. and just as businesses obtain consultants [business matchmakers of a sort] to facilitate partnerships, so to should the aspie seeking a mate. one should at least find places where other aspies congregate. if such places don't have the desired gender of people, the people therein will surely know at least one person who IS of the desired gender.
*Never neglect one's mind, always be reading something more complex than a comic book, something which forces one to think. even though some call it propaganda, read a daily newspaper or news periodical without fail, as then one will at least be abreast of current events and can speak comprehendingly of same.
*Never forget the real golden rule [you know, the one about "do onto others as you would have others do onto yourself"]. if you hastily cut others to the quick, there is no guarantee they won't do the same to you.

above all, try to be the person you want to meet.
now, if only any of this would've worked for me. :roll: :oops:



Grisha
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03 Nov 2011, 8:53 am

auntblabby wrote:
:oops: :roll: if i knew anything at all, chances are i'd be a married grandfather by now and solidly middle class. but at least from decades of watching from the sidelines as other people screw up in manifold ways, i can say what NOT to do-

*Never neglect oneself, never let oneself go to pot- stay in shape, in the same shape one was in as a young adult. never forget to maintain god's temple that is one's body. that means regular hygiene for one's insides as well as outsides [bathing, dental care, skin care, proper nutrition, grooming, regular exercise].
*Never forget to take care of oneself as one would a precious possession, be gentle with oneself. if one has the common aspie deficits in proprioception, arrange one's local environment to be as accident-proof as one can make it.
*Never neglect to learn to imitate other people's superficial social behaviors at least. if people smile and wave at you, unfailingly return the gestures no matter what. even if one doesn't feel nice, take pains to treat others as one would be treated.
*Never forget that one is just as much a child of the universe as the next fellow, and
just as deserving of love as the next fellow, and with just as much a right to expect good things from life as the next fellow. if it is the last thing one does, one should ashcan one's inferiority complex every time thoughts of such pop up.
*Never let oneself appear desperate. it is the extremely rare compassionate person who responds well to another's desperation. comport oneself as a person deserving of respect, which means maintaining erect posture, moving deliberately, NOT looking down at one's feet EVER when another person looks at you- if you must avert your gaze, use the "cut-off" gesture of looking quickly aside as though focused on something in the distance.
*Never forget that the search for a mate is akin to a search for a business partner, treat such a relationship as a business at first, you are looking for mutual compatibility and synergy. sex appeal must be an initial part of attracting somebody [hence your diligent maintenance of your own body] but not to the point where one becomes obsessed with the first looker one sees. avoid "fixer-uppers," as human beings are not like a rehab-able house or restorable old classic car. expecting another person to cooperate with one's plans for
their improvement can only lead to mutual disappointment. mutual compatibility must come first and last and inbetween. this means casting a very wide net, to include people from other races and countries. and just as businesses obtain consultants [business matchmakers of a sort] to facilitate partnerships, so to should the aspie seeking a mate. one should at least find places where other aspies congregate. if such places don't have the desired gender of people, the people therein will surely know at least one person who IS of the desired gender.
*Never neglect one's mind, always be reading something more complex than a comic
book, something which forces one to think. even though some call it propaganda, read a daily newspaper or news periodical without fail, as then one will at least be abreast of current events and can speak comprehendingly of same.
*Never forget the real golden rule [you know, the one about "do onto others as you would have others do onto yourself"]. if you hastily cut others to the quick, there is no guarantee they won't do the same to you.

above all, try to be the person you want to meet.
now, if only any of this would've worked for me. :roll: :oops:


Very well said! If I were a mod I'd "sticky" this.

I did a massive violation of point #1 this year and regret it deeply. It affected my health, my self-esteem, my mood, and quite possibly my love life. I'm in the process of undoing the damage, and I should be back to being "me" by the end of the year.

Never neglect your body, it's amazing how quickly things can go south if you do - especially as you get older...



Surfman
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03 Nov 2011, 2:04 pm

Stop beating off long enough to raise your sexual desire
raise your sexual energy levels
get fit as sex is like gymnastics and yoga combined with heavy breathing, sweating....
dont fart when your humping away



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03 Nov 2011, 3:06 pm

Urinate all around the boundaries of her property. If she lives in an apartment building, urinate on her welcome mat.

As she is walking to work, pace around her in a neat, concentric pattern. Periodically jump directly in front of her, spreading your arms high and wide, and screaming "cu-KAWW!! ! cu-KAWW!! !"

If she ignores you, bite her.



mv
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03 Nov 2011, 3:10 pm

Fullofstars wrote:
Urinate all around the boundaries of her property. If she lives in an apartment building, urinate on her welcome mat.

As she is walking to work, pace around her in a neat, concentric pattern. Periodically jump directly in front of her, spreading your arms high and wide, and screaming "cu-KAWW!! ! cu-KAWW!! !"

If she ignores you, bite her.
:lmao:

I'm sitting here at work with my fist in my mouth to keep from guffawing. Thanks a lot, Fullofstars!



Sokar
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03 Nov 2011, 3:15 pm

Fullofstars wrote:
Urinate all around the boundaries of her property. If she lives in an apartment building, urinate on her welcome mat.

As she is walking to work, pace around her in a neat, concentric pattern. Periodically jump directly in front of her, spreading your arms high and wide, and screaming "cu-KAWW!! ! cu-KAWW!! !"

If she ignores you, bite her.


Thank you, you've made my day.



The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Nov 2011, 3:17 pm

Fullofstars wrote:
Urinate all around the boundaries of her property. If she lives in an apartment building, urinate on her welcome mat.

As she is walking to work, pace around her in a neat, concentric pattern. Periodically jump directly in front of her, spreading your arms high and wide, and screaming "cu-KAWW!! ! cu-KAWW!! !"

If she ignores you, bite her.


Damn....so it's the urine, I was sh*****g all the time instead.



LexF
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03 Nov 2011, 6:46 pm

I've met almost all of my girlfriends through meddlesome but well-meaning friends. I haven't got the vaguest idea of how to do it any other way. Apparently, I'm completely oblivious to things like flirting (people have told me "Didn't you notice that girl flirting with you?" and I didn't -- I never have -- I have no idea what that even means, really) and subtle hints.

It's actually a good strategy until you move to another state and have no more meddlesome but well-meaning friends!



shrox
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03 Nov 2011, 7:19 pm

Fullofstars wrote:
Urinate all around the boundaries of her property. If she lives in an apartment building, urinate on her welcome mat.

As she is walking to work, pace around her in a neat, concentric pattern. Periodically jump directly in front of her, spreading your arms high and wide, and screaming "cu-KAWW!! ! cu-KAWW!! !"

If she ignores you, bite her.


Try inflating your bright red neck pouch that all human males have, and make that warbling sound that females find very attractive.

Image



RICKY5
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03 Nov 2011, 9:11 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll3uipTO-4A[/youtube]

That about sums it up!



Pengu1n
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03 Nov 2011, 9:34 pm

I would like to say some of the most important things......

- Natural confidence

- Hint while flirting that you are willing to liberally spend money on them........ when you start dating, actually be generous and not a tightwad, buying them gifts and other trifles. This shows that you value them by not being cheap. They repay this generosity (but the manner in which you dole out has to be natural and unforced, or else they see that you are trying to buy their love) Put a high $ sign on your feelings.

- Job, car, hygiene, physical fitness, dress and style in a way that conforms with your peers, all of these things are crucial towards getting a respectable mate.

- Don't tell lies about yourself like saying you have a better occupation than what you have......... if you want any chance of anything. They will find out and probably know you are full of s**t. Girls have a 6th sense when they know a guy is bullshitting them. If you start a "relationship" on a lie right off of the bat, it automatically creates a feeling of mistrust and your "chances" are dead in the ground.

- When you have your first conversation(s) with your prospect, be sure to focus on talking about your sense of ambition and future plans. Girls love guys who are going places. They want to see you have goals and good ambition and that they have a chance of a good life with you long-term.



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03 Nov 2011, 9:39 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll3uipTO-4A[/youtube

That about sums it up!

money doesn't buy love. if the OP is just seeking sex, he can buy that of course, but nothing more.... except softer toilet paper than pictured in the video still.


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