I have strong feelings for my best friend.

Page 2 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

21 Nov 2011, 1:51 am

processedburgundy wrote:
@Tequila: what sort of reasons? Do you mean personal ones or something else?


Either because she's married, or she's unsuitable, or you can't get laid because you have your mum with you or whatever.



processedburgundy
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 17 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

21 Nov 2011, 2:28 am

@Tequila: I asked before, but I don't think my reply posted. What sort of reasons? Personal or something else?



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

21 Nov 2011, 2:41 am

processedburgundy wrote:
@Tequila: I asked before, but I don't think my reply posted. What sort of reasons? Personal or something else?


I did because I answered it.



invisiblespectrum
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 71

21 Nov 2011, 9:25 am

Grisha wrote:
Rule #2: When in doubt, say it in absurdly specific and unambiguous words.

eg "I really like you and I want you to kiss me on the lips for a long time, right now"

I don't think I'd respond to that very well.

"I really like you..." -- This is good.
"...and I want you to kiss me on the lips for a long time, right now." -- Not so good.

I'd rather someone not talk about what they physically want to do with me until after I've responded positively to them telling me they really like me. And "right now" adds an element of putting me on the spot, which makes it even worse.



1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

21 Nov 2011, 11:30 am

I had strong feelings for a girl I was a good friend of, and I never told her how I felt. I believe for a time she might have had feelings for me, too. Anyway, the problem is, you're not going to remain good friends anymore, as to be good friends, you need to be honest with each other. So, if you're dishonest by omission every time you see him or talk to him, then you're not gonna be friends for very long, it's sorta that simple. So, I don't know, eventually, in my opinion/experience, you're either going to have to tell him how you feel or stop being friends with him. However, the problem is, that telling how you feel is risky, as there's a probability the friendship will end if you do that, but I can almost guarantee not telling how you feel will make your friendship die a slow agonizing death.

That's my advice, take it for what you want.



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

21 Nov 2011, 11:56 am

1000Knives wrote:
I had strong feelings for a girl I was a good friend of, and I never told her how I felt. I believe for a time she might have had feelings for me, too. Anyway, the problem is, you're not going to remain good friends anymore, as to be good friends, you need to be honest with each other. So, if you're dishonest by omission every time you see him or talk to him, then you're not gonna be friends for very long, it's sorta that simple. So, I don't know, eventually, in my opinion/experience, you're either going to have to tell him how you feel or stop being friends with him. However, the problem is, that telling how you feel is risky, as there's a probability the friendship will end if you do that, but I can almost guarantee not telling how you feel will make your friendship die a slow agonizing death.

That's my advice, take it for what you want.

i agree with this 100%.



processedburgundy
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 17 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

22 Nov 2011, 5:06 am

That is a good point, and I have thought of that. I don't like lying to him all the time, because he is my best friend. This may sound strange, but it seems like he's supposed to be a part of my life, it's like a vibe I get. I have found that when you meet people they are automatically sorted in to a certain group: Significant long term, significant short term, temporary fix, long term acquaintance, short term acquaintance, friend only, friend possibility, other etc. Without a doubt he was sorted in to my significant long term group, and I have felt this way since day 1. That may sound like a creeper, but that's how I feel.
I don't want to lose his friendship. I am working on a way to tell him.



Wrackspurt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 733

23 Nov 2011, 7:58 am

Tequila wrote:
processedburgundy wrote:
@Tequila: what sort of reasons? Do you mean personal ones or something else?


Either because she's married, or she's unsuitable, or you can't get laid because you have your mum with you or whatever.


Or lack of experience (simply not knowing how to proceed)

processedburgundy wrote:
I am working on a way to tell him.


You could just write it down, hand it to him. Old school. Pen and paper. Could be romantic, and if you make it as a couple something to show the grandkids in 40 years.



biostructure
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2006
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,455

23 Nov 2011, 9:20 pm

processedburgundy wrote:
I am not a young teen goo goo eyed over someone just because he is interesting. I am an adult who loves her best friend. I would like real feedback and advice, please?


First, as I said in another thread much like this one, I really think you ought to tell him somehow. The friendship won't be the same from this point on either way, and if you hide it, you will always be wondering.

But I also feel the need to say that just because you are not a "goo goo eyed young teen", it's possible he might be, even if he's a chronological adult.

One of the most frustrating things in my life right now is the realization that I never made it through that adolescent stage of having feelings toward someone just because she is interesting, and wanting a girl to show feelings of a similar character. I find myself among people, most of whom seem to have moved beyond this stage. Therefore, the only thing as bad as a girl who only sees me exclusively platonically is one whose feelings have only two "settings", platonic and seriously, adultishly in love.

So there are really three possibilities for how he feels. He could see you as just a friend, he could want something serious and long-term with you, or he could be the "teen who finds you interesting", but who will fall in and out of "love" easily. It's up to you if this distinction would even matter to you.