Can someone talk my though this
09 Dec 2011, 9:01 pm
Ok so this might be a rabble but bear with me I’m 22 almost 23 have never done anything with a girl I’m not at this point in my life socially awkward nor to I think I come off as very weird or anything (most of those type of symptoms I only had as a child) I am a part time psychology student and have just finished my first year and have a job though its now paying and no skills needed but a still It puts cash in the bank I think I’m fairly average looking not unattractive by an means.
I seam to have a large group of friends mostly male and I don’t seam to have any problems talking with girls in a study setting or in most social ones
Despite this I’ve never had any kind of romantic thing ever and I’m not sure why I cant see that I have any major inbuilt barriers except maybe for I’m only now starting to try and get my drivers licence
Recently however at a 21st a girl asked me out I sorta did think she might have been interested and was going to ask her but she sorta beat me too it we went on about 3 dates yesterday she said she really likes me but one is a bit of a mess right now and also she wants to date a guy who has been round a bit more
I don’t really hold and hard feelings towards her but this raises the question how the hell I’m I ever going to have a romantic relationship the older I get the harder it will be I’m not looking for a life partner just somebody so I can know that I can do it when I try
Funny thing is before all this happened I was almost ok with this aspect of my life now I am about as unhappy as I have ever been with my self
09 Dec 2011, 11:02 pm
You might try one of those free dating sites like datehookup [dot] com or one similar to it. Most, in my area at least, have a F-buddy outlook there, they're not really looking for a long-term relationship just a "good time". My brother "fishes" from that pool. One of my friends tried it a few times, went out with a few women then met his wife on one of those sites, been 8 years he couldn't be happier (he started dating at 22).
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
10 Dec 2011, 12:16 am
People are jealous and envious of each other, women included, they want a guy or lifestyle that is perceived as desirable or attractive by other women, hence why there's so many screaming for pop stars. She wants a desired guy who can take the initiative to escalate and take the lead. She knows she has you in the palm of her hand like a lapdog and that she can have you at anytime, you aren't a challenge for her anymore. I can bet you that if you started seeing another girl and and you lost interest in her, she would come chasing after you.
13 Dec 2011, 7:56 am
My thought exactly Still not really know what to do or to think This girl I think wants to remain friends I'm not really up for that its a bit to painful to be reminded of what never was that said haven't made my mind up yet so haven't burned any bridges yet.
going to be a few weeks before I am in any state to look around and I was not really looking that well before My looking stratagem seams to extend to going to party's when invited (about 2 times a month)
It just really irks me I have moderate Aspergers but today my symptoms all where in coping with stress and study skills not with the social stuff i though i left that behind in early high school sort of feel like I am back there where I could never work out if what someone was saying was a joke at me a joke with me or serious. Just got no clue whats really going on.
that said it did happen at a good time right in the middle of the summer holidays (not sure if i was beaning sarcastic or not there)
15 Dec 2011, 11:07 am
I'll tell you what my younger brother used to do. When he got bummed out by girls, he'd go to a xxx massage parlour to forget...and it worked. He just needed some release. It wasn't really about the girl, it was about the fact that she turned him on and she didn't offer a release either right away or eventually. If you go to a parlour, you just pay and nobody asks you anything and you get relieved from the sexual tension that someone else caused you to have. I don't advocate prostitution but it's out there. The humane thing to do is never to abuse them in any way, wear your condom, wash yourself real good before and after. It's really not that complicated. You'll find the girl for you eventually. Eventually could mean tomorrow or ten years from now. Just develope yourself right now. Make yourself number 1.
The greatest fun is to actually turn a girl down - now, that's a twist!! I honestly wish you could have turned that one down but you didn't know. Learn to turn them down. If you're sexually released somewhere else, this won't be difficult at all. If you go to a parlour, it will be "you" who has been with women who have been around. What the heck do you need her for when you can go with a pro? She's a horse's ass! and a pig. Gossip about her to every guy you know - that'll fix her ass. Tell them what a pig she is. If you go to a parlour, it will be like putting your willy into a meat grinder of pure pleasure. When you're done, treat yourself to a good meal and go back and have a good laugh with your male friends. I know a vampiric, castrating b***h when I see one - they know exactly who they can intimidate. So, get even and spread the word. What is she going to do to you? Scratch your eyes out?! Sometimes you have to pay for experience but when you get this experience, you will be able to laugh right in the face of these kinds of girls. They will NO LONGER have ANY power over you. Say to them, "Yeah, yeah, what so special about your box?!" Another thing, some girls that work in houses are rather beautiful BUT DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THEM EMOTIONALLY!! ! You're there to get off and that's it!! ! If you want emotional connection and don't have a girlfriend, do something nice for a female relative. If you compartmentalize your life, you won't feel such a struggle inside. Here it is: you get your sex massage at a parlour. You get your emotional massage with trusted family. You get your fun with the guys. The rest of the time, you work on yourself. Exercise, built muscle, eat right, work, study, etc.. When you do all that for yourself, b*****s will know to avoid you. You won't be a sitting duck anymore.
Last edited by RightGalaxy on 15 Dec 2011, 11:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
15 Dec 2011, 11:21 am
That's good advice, I think people should always focus on their academic, financial and physical goals first, I don't think the OP should compromise achieving his academic, financial or physical goals in life to be with someone that isn't going to take him seriously.
I think this is taking it a little far, I just insisted that perhaps she was leading him on or stringing him along for the ride on the back burner. I don't think it's very healthy to harbor anger or bitterness towards someone, the best thing he can do is disregard her and find someone who accepts and wants a relationship with him.
15 Dec 2011, 11:26 am
That's good advice, I think people should always focus on their academic, financial and physical goals first, I don't think the OP should compromise achieving his academic, financial or physical goals in life to be with someone that isn't going to take him seriously.
I think this is taking it a little far, I just insisted that perhaps she was leading him on or stringing him along for the ride on the back burner. I don't think it's very healthy to harbor anger or bitterness towards someone, the best thing he can do is disregard her and find someone who accepts and wants a relationship with him.
That's not harboring anger or bitterness. It's tit for tat. It's gettin' even. It's a game.
15 Dec 2011, 11:31 am
Slagging or bad mouthing someone off behind their back certainly sounds like harboring anger and bitterness to me. Also she has made it clear to him what she is looking for in a partner and that he doesn't meet her preference, I can't see what is wrong with that unless she continues to lead him on.
15 Dec 2011, 11:38 am
People are jealous and envious of each other, women included, they want a guy or lifestyle that is perceived as desirable or attractive by other women, hence why there's so many screaming for pop stars. She wants a desired guy who can take the initiative to escalate and take the lead. She knows she has you in the palm of her hand like a lapdog and that she can have you at anytime, you aren't a challenge for her anymore. I can bet you that if you started seeing another girl and and you lost interest in her, she would come chasing after you.
...And if he started seeing another girl and she came chasing after him...then what? This girl is a b***h. She should be avoided. When a woman or a man wants a lifestyle that is perceived as desirable by OTHER people, it means that they do not know what THEY want. This person needs to grow up but the problem is that sometimes they NEVER do. They live their life and die after several divorces because they were too busy chasing a fantasy. Even if they land a guy who is seen as top banana by everyone else, the top banana will eventually figure her out and start to cheat on her. People know when you want them only for your own status. Every girl wants to marry a doctor or lawyer. They cheat like crazy!! ! WHY? Not because they're jerks but because they know that the woman that married them doesn't really love them for who they are. The woman married them for status and the comfortable life they will have or because that's what their family wanted. Now this doesn't count if the wife is a doctor or lawyer as well.
15 Dec 2011, 11:39 am
Slagging or bad mouthing someone off behind their back certainly sounds like harboring anger and bitterness to me. Also she has made it clear to him what she is looking for in a partner and that he doesn't meet her preference, I can't see what is wrong with that unless she continues to lead him on.
You're a dope for girls. You're just disguised as a nice guy.
B3astM4n
Snowy Owl
Joined: 27 Nov 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 126
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
15 Dec 2011, 11:40 am
Yes, dating and relationships can be like a back and forth game at times, but doing that, bad mouthing and gossiping? First, that's high school BS, and it's bad enough to do it then. At 22, a grown man, he's going to be considered a complete as*hole by most people, and it's going to come back at him, whether it's gossip about him, or a pissed off friend of this girls, it's just going to cause him more problems in his day to day life, not even going to mention how it will destroy future dating opportunities. I agree with what you said about developing yourself so don't get me wrong, I'm just pointing out it's not the best idea.
Also, if the OP even manages to find a massage parlor that comes with a happy ending, be careful, police raids go down on those places hard and often.
15 Dec 2011, 12:01 pm
Slagging or bad mouthing someone off behind their back certainly sounds like harboring anger and bitterness to me. Also she has made it clear to him what she is looking for in a partner and that he doesn't meet her preference, I can't see what is wrong with that unless she continues to lead him on.
You're a dope for girls. You're just disguised as a nice guy.
I don't see how, she is not obliged to date him, she is free to date whoever she wants to date and he doesn't meet her desired preference so it is healthier for him to move on and find someone who will accept him. By showing signs of anger and bitterness, he is going to end up looking like a baby that throws his toys out of the pram because he doesn't get what he wants.
B3astM4n
Snowy Owl
Joined: 27 Nov 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 126
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
15 Dec 2011, 12:36 pm
People are jealous and envious of each other, women included, they want a guy or lifestyle that is perceived as desirable or attractive by other women, hence why there's so many screaming for pop stars. She wants a desired guy who can take the initiative to escalate and take the lead. She knows she has you in the palm of her hand like a lapdog and that she can have you at anytime, you aren't a challenge for her anymore. I can bet you that if you started seeing another girl and and you lost interest in her, she would come chasing after you.
...And if he started seeing another girl and she came chasing after him...then what? This girl is a b***h. She should be avoided. When a woman or a man wants a lifestyle that is perceived as desirable by OTHER people, it means that they do not know what THEY want. This person needs to grow up but the problem is that sometimes they NEVER do. They live their life and die after several divorces because they were too busy chasing a fantasy. Even if they land a guy who is seen as top banana by everyone else, the top banana will eventually figure her out and start to cheat on her. People know when you want them only for your own status. Every girl wants to marry a doctor or lawyer. They cheat like crazy!! ! WHY? Not because they're jerks but because they know that the woman that married them doesn't really love them for who they are. The woman married them for status and the comfortable life they will have or because that's what their family wanted. Now this doesn't count if the wife is a doctor or lawyer as well.
No disrespect alright, but after reading all your posts I think your views on relationships and woman are extremely jaded and deeply cynical. You're making blanket comments that are untrue. Every girls wants to marry a Doctor or lawyer? No, maybe some overly superficial, money based women do, half the time it's a girl looking for a Sugar Daddy, but most rational woman do not, because they know they will rarely see their husbands, if they have kids, he won't be around much with them, cause he's insanely busy and on-call.
A large percentage of women want a man who is financially secure, doesn't have to be rich but they don't live cheque to cheque. They have some savings, put money away in a pension fund, and have money to do some fun stuff or get her a gift once in awhile. That's it. You seem really stuck on superficial aspects that most women do not have to the degree you seem to state. The cheating, divorce, etc. I'm sorry but that is, as I said, a blanket statement that is not true for a lot of women.
The OP just needs to talk about his situation and get some solid advice, but this thread has been jacked and turned into a bizarre argument that basically says woman are evil and only want your money, which is not true. Let's just get back to what the OP started this thread for in the first place, instead of arguing about the fact that every woman is apparently Cruela Deville.
B3astM4n
Snowy Owl
Joined: 27 Nov 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 126
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
15 Dec 2011, 12:38 pm
Slagging or bad mouthing someone off behind their back certainly sounds like harboring anger and bitterness to me. Also she has made it clear to him what she is looking for in a partner and that he doesn't meet her preference, I can't see what is wrong with that unless she continues to lead him on.
You're a dope for girls. You're just disguised as a nice guy.
I don't see how, she is not obliged to date him, she is free to date whoever she wants to date and he doesn't meet her desired preference so it is healthier for him to move on and find someone who will accept him. By showing signs of anger and bitterness, he is going to end up looking like a baby that throws his toys out of the pram because he doesn't get what he wants.
Just had to also say that Wolfheart gives the best advice of anyone on this forum from what I've read and my personal opinion. Just wanted to let you know!
16 Dec 2011, 4:24 am
I seam to have a large group of friends mostly male and I don’t seam to have any problems talking with girls in a study setting or in most social ones
Despite this I’ve never had any kind of romantic thing ever and I’m not sure why I cant see that I have any major inbuilt barriers except maybe for I’m only now starting to try and get my drivers licence
Recently however at a 21st a girl asked me out I sorta did think she might have been interested and was going to ask her but she sorta beat me too it we went on about 3 dates yesterday she said she really likes me but one is a bit of a mess right now and also she wants to date a guy who has been round a bit more
I don’t really hold and hard feelings towards her but this raises the question how the hell I’m I ever going to have a romantic relationship the older I get the harder it will be I’m not looking for a life partner just somebody so I can know that I can do it when I try
Funny thing is before all this happened I was almost ok with this aspect of my life now I am about as unhappy as I have ever been with my self
The period at which men are considered most eligible spans from about the age of 24 to 35 and slowly drops off after that. Compared that to women, 17-27 and drops off significantly after 30.
So you have actually not yet even entered your peak zone. The reason for this is, in the opposite sex, men generally value youth more and women generally value stability and maturity more.
So your goal is to basically experiment with the romantic scene. I personally have always regarded this as wasting time but apparently it's a vital part of neurotypical social development so you are not in the wrong to do so. If you are in college, you are certainly in the right place to do so, as many of the girls there are looking for the exact same thing you are. I suggest you attend some social events and be less hesitant to ask women out.
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