snpeden wrote:
I've been thinking lately about how small changes can cause big reactions in Aspies, and noticed some "small" things that bother me.
For example, when people don't take care with things I think should be handled carefully. My roommate/SO will leave glasses on the edges of counters, sitting on a side table all night (we have a huge dog, NOTHING is supposed to be left at her level, ever). They also know that kitty gets on the counter by the sink because she's weird and drinks out of the faucet. Still, they put things like wine glasses etc right next to the sink rather than literally anywhere else the cat doesn't go. I find myself following them around in a state of utter anxiety, fixing all the things they refuse to bother to pay attention to.
Another example that REALLY gets me: Roommate suggested one day that we turn off the DVR box when we aren't using it, saying that they suck up lots of electricity. I told him no, the guy who installed the satellite/etc said that every time you turn it off, it takes 24 hours to get straight again sometimes. Basically, don't turn it off. He continues to turn it off almost every night. Boyfriend says that he probably just gets sleepy and forgets which remote to use. I say BS.
The point is, after this long it doesn't matter what the reason is. I've asked repeatedly for him not to do it, and even if he is forgetting, I don't care. I've said it this many times, you can make some kind of effort to remember.
This applies to many very small things I've asked them to do. I don't ask for them to help out cleaning up, what I DO ask is that they not make it harder for me to do by putting things where they can get broken, shoving whole soda boxes into the trash rather than letting me break them down first, leaving things for the dog to chew, etc.
What I'm asking is this: What are your suggestions for dealing with this? In their eyes, it's a bunch of small stuff but if you have to go behind people every day thinking, "how many times have I asked for you to just NOT?", it starts to feel like a full-on assault to one's peace of mind and daily life. I can't describe how much stress all these "tiny" things are putting on me.
My guess is that you're spending too much time with your boyfriend. I know I need a lot of downtime, and I think that's true of a lot of aspies.
I've been with my girlfriend for eleven years now, and things are going great. I attribute that to the fact that we only see each other every few months; we live in separate states. I'm as happy to see her go as I am to see her come back.
What I'm getting at is that we get along because we aren't around each other 24/7. If we were, we'd probably drive each other crazy as you're describing.
13 Jan 2012, 10:36 am
