Why are you still single ( one reason)

Post Reply New Topic

And oh, Nicole, stop referring us as bastard, shall you?

*listening*

Ok, good Nicole.

Do you understand that these statements are directly attacking me and my ability to pick guys?


I am defending my choice to date them in the first place, which is what you are attacking. They may have turned out not to my liking for whatever reason, but you are not questioning my ability to dump them, but my ability to pick them to begin with. You do not know anything about them, and by presuming that you do, you are presuming that I made poor choices to begin with.


You didn't ask me what my standards were. Instead you used terminology and phrasing that you have already judged my standards to be wanting in some form or fashion.

You are attacking my standards for picking guys, yet everything in my original post references my standards for breaking up with them. When I called you on it, you proceeded to again extrapolate your own conjured reasons as to how those circumstance came about as a means of justifying your stance.


If you stop being so presumptuous and attacking, I'll stop calling you names.

Cool. I'll try not to do that in future then unless it's somewhere appropriate like an advice thread.

Fine, points taken, lemme sleep now.

Ah - just looked at myself on a video. Now I know why I'm single. My chin is ugly, my skin is pale in an unhealthy way, my lips barely move when I'm talking, my hair's a mess and I look like I'm a skinny thirteen-year-old.

At least hair and paleness are pretty easily alterable. If they're things about yourself you'd even want to change?
Have you ever practiced facial expressions / talking in a mirror? I did this for a long time when I was into acting and I found it really improved how I emoted with my face. It took practice but I come across as much more natural and personable than I used to. Maybe that could help?

I'm sorry if you're feeling like you are physically unattractive, I know that is not a nice feeling to have.

I have a limited social circle and I tend to keep my guard up because of an emotionally abusive ex girlfriend.

I figure that getting my mental health in better shape is a necessary pre-requisite. Having your sanity depend on other people is always so f'ed up in the end. Maybe when I don't feel those desperate, awful feelings will be the right time to consider it. Maybe there's too much mental damage at this point, though. Not sure that I'm capable of trusting humans that way again.

I'll wager you in a paleness contest. I've only met 4 people in my life paler than me, and they've all been striking red heads. Except for my face, which since I'm so pale, I get sunburned just driving in my car to and from work and I get wind burned easily during the winter, so my face is almost always red - 'Red' was the nickname I once had at a summer camp I worked.

No one will avoid you because of your chin. (Not that I know what your chin looks like - just that only an extremely giant/weird/malformed would put potential partners off while anything less wouldn't even be noticed).

I (and many others, I'm sure) happen to love pale skin. Paler the better.

Also going along with the pale...skinny weediness (is that an English-ism?) = good.

Edit: I'm not saying the above things because I'm trying to invalidate their existence as things you feel/think, or to try to suggest that there must be some other worse reason you are single - but because I wanted to let you know that at least someone out there finds some of those things you consider to be bad about yourself to actually be good

My reason for being single: closed off from the world, isolated in my apartment; without a natural social group like housemates/dorm-mates/co-workers/fellow students to go places and meet people with; put on weight from comfort-eating and staying inside changing me from tall and skinny to tall and medium-sized/lumpy-ish; an altogether too strident and vocal personality etc.



[Edited because AS FREAKING USUAL I express half a thought and keep the other half in my mind, rendering my statement completely different to how I intended. Grr. Can I also just say how stupendously, excessively it pleased me that when I hold the down arrow key to get to the end of my comment, the cursor goes to the start of each line AND ALSO FINALLY TO AFTER THE LAST LETTER OF MY COMMENT so I don't have to also switch to using the right arrow key. Makes me so happy. So happy. I'm weird.]

Last edited by Lexa on 01 Jun 2012, 2:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

You have attractive facial features. But you need a shorter hair-cut, I don't think many women are attracted to hair that length.

I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations.

I'm completely oblivious to love. Whenever I do figure out the girl likes me, she's already moved on and friendzoned me. There are other reasons, but that's the main one.

Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding.

I find a good way to learn when this is actually intruding versus when it seems like intruding but isn't, is to exactly copy what someone else does, several times until it becomes a skill you no longer have to consciously employ. (It is a damned hard road but worth it, I think).

In a social situation, watch the person who everyone reacts well to. Watch how they approach another person they want to talk to, what they say/do first (wave or hand-shake or smile etc) then what they say first (do they start by asking a question about the other person?) and then how they proceed further in to the conversation (not saying a lot at first, smiling a lot, letting the conversation gradually get started like a car on an icy morning - be gentle!) .

The trick is to make the "initiation" you referred to as seemless as possible. Rather than going from complete silence to instant intense conversation, start with smiling or just saying 'hi'. Pause longer than feels natural between comments. Wait for the other person so say something small (small-talk type of small!) and notice their speed of getting in to the conversation and match it.

I suppose you could use the analogy of mixing cake batter. If you dump the flour in on top of the wet ingredients in a bowl and then suddenly start the electric mixer at high speed, flour will be flung out all over the bench and you will be engulfed by a cloud of flour dust! (This would be clear evidence you "intruded" ) Mix it slowly with a wooden spoon first until the ingredients start to combine to form a homogeneous mixture. Then you can go on to high speed and mix what will now be a smooth, lovely cake batter. Remember though: you only mix cake batter for short time, otherwise you will 'over-beat' it.

I guess I just wait for her (basicly anyone) to tell me she's in to me, then I'll evaluate the situation.

I like you.