Why are you still single ( one reason)

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NicoleG
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29 May 2012, 1:12 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
Sorry you find that upsetting, and that it all seems this way.


Thanks.

JanuaryMan wrote:
Being single isn't all that bad actually, when you get to avoid another chance and winning said lotto.


Yep. I have not had a boyfriend for the past 7 years. I have dated plenty, but none of my dates have worked out well enough to become boyfriend material for one reason or another, but it typically is because I know what I'm looking for in a life partner and I have yet to find it. Hence, I am single due mostly to my standards.

JanuaryMan wrote:
As far as validation goes I feel true validation of one's self comes from within. You feel you have learned from your past, and quite frankly that's all that matters :) and not the meagre views of some randoms on the Internetz.


Indeed.

Having the past that I have, when I feel I am under attack, even if it is "just someone else's meager view on the Internet," I might not allow that to stand depending on exactly how strong such an attack is and the circumstances surrounding it. This thread is all about people exposing their underbelly and admitting to something that might already be a sore spot for them. Trying to analyze them, be judgmental and assuming, and trying to "fix" someone that hasn't asked for it is a cheap shot, and it's unfortunately quite easy for others to get caught up in such mess, even when they mean no ill intent. It's lynch mob mentality, and I WILL put my foot down on it.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 May 2012, 2:40 pm

NicoleG wrote:
Wow. Who knew that the lynch mob was coming to town?

It's really wonderful to see how judgmental and assuming bastards want to turn a list of reasons as to why I broke up with some of my exes into a personal attack against me by deciding I have poor decision making abilities in picking guys in the first place.

No really, I'm quite f***ing tired of the mental abuse, and you boys are just proving the positive.

Jackass Lottery - I still keep coming up a winner, and I didn't even have to go on a date with any of you to get this abuse dished out!


In your previous post you sounded defending the guys (" you know absolutely nothing about any of them." -->your words, or were you referring to unmentioned guys), you know in my previous post I was attacking them , not you, does my criticize of them annoy you?



DogsWithoutHorses
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29 May 2012, 2:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
NicoleG wrote:
Wow. Who knew that the lynch mob was coming to town?

It's really wonderful to see how judgmental and assuming bastards want to turn a list of reasons as to why I broke up with some of my exes into a personal attack against me by deciding I have poor decision making abilities in picking guys in the first place.

No really, I'm quite f***ing tired of the mental abuse, and you boys are just proving the positive.

Jackass Lottery - I still keep coming up a winner, and I didn't even have to go on a date with any of you to get this abuse dished out!


In your previous post you sounded defending the guys (" you know absolutely nothing about any of them." -->your words, or were you referring to unmentioned guys), you know in my previous post I was attacking them , not you, does my criticize of them annoy you?


by maligning her judgement and questioning her standards, I can see how that would get annoying


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 May 2012, 2:53 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
NicoleG wrote:
Wow. Who knew that the lynch mob was coming to town?

It's really wonderful to see how judgmental and assuming bastards want to turn a list of reasons as to why I broke up with some of my exes into a personal attack against me by deciding I have poor decision making abilities in picking guys in the first place.

No really, I'm quite f***ing tired of the mental abuse, and you boys are just proving the positive.

Jackass Lottery - I still keep coming up a winner, and I didn't even have to go on a date with any of you to get this abuse dished out!


In your previous post you sounded defending the guys (" you know absolutely nothing about any of them." -->your words, or were you referring to unmentioned guys), you know in my previous post I was attacking them , not you, does my criticize of them annoy you?


by maligning her judgement and questioning her standards, I can see how that would get annoying


yea, but i couldn't help but to ask her standards.

She said she's single because she has standards, then she mentioned all those guys, so I wondered what are her standards and still wondering.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 May 2012, 2:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 May 2012, 2:56 pm

And oh, Nicole, stop referring us as bastard, shall you?

*listening*

Ok, good Nicole.



NicoleG
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29 May 2012, 3:55 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You are single now because you pick the crappiest guys I've ever heard of.
i ended up wondering what those "standards" of yours really are.

Do you understand that these statements are directly attacking me and my ability to pick guys?

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In your previous post you sounded defending the guys

I am defending my choice to date them in the first place, which is what you are attacking. They may have turned out not to my liking for whatever reason, but you are not questioning my ability to dump them, but my ability to pick them to begin with. You do not know anything about them, and by presuming that you do, you are presuming that I made poor choices to begin with.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yea, but i couldn't help but to ask her standards.
She said she's single because she has standards, then she mentioned all those guys, so it I wondered what are her standards and still wondering.

You didn't ask me what my standards were. Instead you used terminology and phrasing that you have already judged my standards to be wanting in some form or fashion.

You are attacking my standards for picking guys, yet everything in my original post references my standards for breaking up with them. When I called you on it, you proceeded to again extrapolate your own conjured reasons as to how those circumstance came about as a means of justifying your stance.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
And oh, Nicole, stop referring us as bastard, shall you?

If you stop being so presumptuous and attacking, I'll stop calling you names.



JanuaryMan
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29 May 2012, 4:00 pm

NicoleG wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
Sorry you find that upsetting, and that it all seems this way.


Thanks.

JanuaryMan wrote:
Being single isn't all that bad actually, when you get to avoid another chance and winning said lotto.


Yep. I have not had a boyfriend for the past 7 years. I have dated plenty, but none of my dates have worked out well enough to become boyfriend material for one reason or another, but it typically is because I know what I'm looking for in a life partner and I have yet to find it. Hence, I am single due mostly to my standards.

JanuaryMan wrote:
As far as validation goes I feel true validation of one's self comes from within. You feel you have learned from your past, and quite frankly that's all that matters :) and not the meagre views of some randoms on the Internetz.


Indeed.

Having the past that I have, when I feel I am under attack, even if it is "just someone else's meager view on the Internet," I might not allow that to stand depending on exactly how strong such an attack is and the circumstances surrounding it. This thread is all about people exposing their underbelly and admitting to something that might already be a sore spot for them. Trying to analyze them, be judgmental and assuming, and trying to "fix" someone that hasn't asked for it is a cheap shot, and it's unfortunately quite easy for others to get caught up in such mess, even when they mean no ill intent. It's lynch mob mentality, and I WILL put my foot down on it.


Cool. I'll try not to do that in future then unless it's somewhere appropriate like an advice thread. :nerdy:



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 May 2012, 4:23 pm

NicoleG wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You are single now because you pick the crappiest guys I've ever heard of.
i ended up wondering what those "standards" of yours really are.

Do you understand that these statements are directly attacking me and my ability to pick guys?

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In your previous post you sounded defending the guys

I am defending my choice to date them in the first place, which is what you are attacking. They may have turned out not to my liking for whatever reason, but you are not questioning my ability to dump them, but my ability to pick them to begin with. You do not know anything about them, and by presuming that you do, you are presuming that I made poor choices to begin with.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yea, but i couldn't help but to ask her standards.
She said she's single because she has standards, then she mentioned all those guys, so it I wondered what are her standards and still wondering.

You didn't ask me what my standards were. Instead you used terminology and phrasing that you have already judged my standards to be wanting in some form or fashion.

You are attacking my standards for picking guys, yet everything in my original post references my standards for breaking up with them. When I called you on it, you proceeded to again extrapolate your own conjured reasons as to how those circumstance came about as a means of justifying your stance.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
And oh, Nicole, stop referring us as bastard, shall you?

If you stop being so presumptuous and attacking, I'll stop calling you names.


Fine, points taken, lemme sleep now.



HisDivineMajesty
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29 May 2012, 5:05 pm

Ah - just looked at myself on a video. Now I know why I'm single. My chin is ugly, my skin is pale in an unhealthy way, my lips barely move when I'm talking, my hair's a mess and I look like I'm a skinny thirteen-year-old.



DogsWithoutHorses
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29 May 2012, 5:15 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Ah - just looked at myself on a video. Now I know why I'm single. My chin is ugly, my skin is pale in an unhealthy way, my lips barely move when I'm talking, my hair's a mess and I look like I'm a skinny thirteen-year-old.


At least hair and paleness are pretty easily alterable. If they're things about yourself you'd even want to change?
Have you ever practiced facial expressions / talking in a mirror? I did this for a long time when I was into acting and I found it really improved how I emoted with my face. It took practice but I come across as much more natural and personable than I used to. Maybe that could help?

I'm sorry if you're feeling like you are physically unattractive, I know that is not a nice feeling to have.


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Kurgan
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29 May 2012, 5:17 pm

I have a limited social circle and I tend to keep my guard up because of an emotionally abusive ex girlfriend.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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29 May 2012, 5:47 pm

I figure that getting my mental health in better shape is a necessary pre-requisite. Having your sanity depend on other people is always so f'ed up in the end. Maybe when I don't feel those desperate, awful feelings will be the right time to consider it. Maybe there's too much mental damage at this point, though. Not sure that I'm capable of trusting humans that way again.



NicoleG
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29 May 2012, 10:54 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Ah - just looked at myself on a video. Now I know why I'm single. My chin is ugly, my skin is pale in an unhealthy way, my lips barely move when I'm talking, my hair's a mess and I look like I'm a skinny thirteen-year-old.


I'll wager you in a paleness contest. I've only met 4 people in my life paler than me, and they've all been striking red heads. Except for my face, which since I'm so pale, I get sunburned just driving in my car to and from work and I get wind burned easily during the winter, so my face is almost always red - 'Red' was the nickname I once had at a summer camp I worked.



Lexa
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31 May 2012, 12:59 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Ah - just looked at myself on a video. Now I know why I'm single. My chin is ugly, my skin is pale in an unhealthy way, my lips barely move when I'm talking, my hair's a mess and I look like I'm a skinny thirteen-year-old.


No one will avoid you because of your chin. (Not that I know what your chin looks like - just that only an extremely giant/weird/malformed would put potential partners off while anything less wouldn't even be noticed).

I (and many others, I'm sure) happen to love pale skin. Paler the better.

Also going along with the pale...skinny weediness (is that an English-ism?) = good.

Edit: I'm not saying the above things because I'm trying to invalidate their existence as things you feel/think, or to try to suggest that there must be some other worse reason you are single - but because I wanted to let you know that at least someone out there finds some of those things you consider to be bad about yourself to actually be good :)

My reason for being single: closed off from the world, isolated in my apartment; without a natural social group like housemates/dorm-mates/co-workers/fellow students to go places and meet people with; put on weight from comfort-eating and staying inside changing me from tall and skinny to tall and medium-sized/lumpy-ish; an altogether too strident and vocal personality etc.



[Edited because AS FREAKING USUAL I express half a thought and keep the other half in my mind, rendering my statement completely different to how I intended. Grr. Can I also just say how stupendously, excessively it pleased me that when I hold the down arrow key to get to the end of my comment, the cursor goes to the start of each line AND ALSO FINALLY TO AFTER THE LAST LETTER OF MY COMMENT so I don't have to also switch to using the right arrow key. Makes me so happy. So happy. I'm weird.]



Last edited by Lexa on 01 Jun 2012, 2:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

Gnonymouse
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31 May 2012, 6:56 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Ah - just looked at myself on a video. Now I know why I'm single. My chin is ugly, my skin is pale in an unhealthy way, my lips barely move when I'm talking, my hair's a mess and I look like I'm a skinny thirteen-year-old.


You have attractive facial features. But you need a shorter hair-cut, I don't think many women are attracted to hair that length.