How do you avoid being nervous on a date?

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lostmyself
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08 Jan 2012, 11:33 pm

Apparently my body language is very nervous. So how even if you are nervous do you not show it?



Agemaki
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09 Jan 2012, 12:04 am

I guess it would depend on the person you are going on a date with, but it might help to just be open about your nervousness. A lot of people get nervous on dates and I imagine that worrying about appearing nervous only makes matters worse. Your date could be nervous too so it could potentially be an interesting topic of discussion. I always find that being open about that sort of thing makes me more at ease at any rate.



Magnus_Rex
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09 Jan 2012, 12:32 am

I am trying not to think about it until I manage to go on a date.



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09 Jan 2012, 12:39 am

Just remember that you are there to learn if this person is compatible with you and to show them your personality so they can see this as well. It is an exchange in this respect. Being a little nervous is normal and almost everybody experiences it. In my own experience some of the women I have dated found my initial shyness somewhat charming. Most of all though remember you are there to have a good time with a person you find charming in some way. You're not going to a funeral, you're just talking to a girl or guy and going through some variation of a common ritual, the goal of which is to share common experience and build bonds of affection or reveal incompatibility, and thus part ways amicably (one can hope).


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Dox47
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09 Jan 2012, 1:23 am

I found that 1/2 mg of Xanax took the edge right off, though a long G&T works too in a pinch. If chems aren't your thing, try and arrange a date around an activity you're knowledgeable about and/or interested in, I've yet to meet the Aspie too nervous to talk about an interest. In my case I love to shoot billiards, so taking a date to a pool hall was a natural for me as I could both sip the aforementioned G&T and talk about the game (while deliberately losing creatively), putting me well at ease during the date.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:33 am

Vigilans wrote:
Just remember that you are there to learn if this person is compatible with you and to show them your personality so they can see this as well.


This is great advice. It's very easy to focus on impressing the person you're with, and forget that half the reason you're there is to decide whether you like them.

Just admitting that you are nervous can, ironically, make you come across as more self-assured. It's a way of stating that you have feelings, that they matter, and that you are unashamed of them. Plus, people are usually flattered by it and happy to try to put you more at ease.


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Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2012, 2:38 am

Agemaki wrote:
I guess it would depend on the person you are going on a date with, but it might help to just be open about your nervousness. A lot of people get nervous on dates and I imagine that worrying about appearing nervous only makes matters worse. Your date could be nervous too so it could potentially be an interesting topic of discussion. I always find that being open about that sort of thing makes me more at ease at any rate.


good point.



RobotGreenAlien2
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09 Jan 2012, 7:48 am

drink, but dont get drunk.



mv
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09 Jan 2012, 8:52 am

RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
drink, but dont get drunk.


This. I give myself a drink to two drink maximum limit. I'm nervous in all social settings, whether it's going to the dentist or going on a date. It's just reality, for me. Luckily, I'm able to shield it, most of the time. Dates are harder, thus the drinks.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jan 2012, 9:17 am

Imagine the audience naked.



OneStepBeyond
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09 Jan 2012, 12:17 pm

is that even possible...i get nervous going to the postbox let alone on a date.
but if you know it's your body language that's the problem then erm couldn't you just look into body language and practice doing things that make you look relaxed? by looking less nervous you will probably both start to feel (genuinely) comfortable sooner

i think i have quite unrelaxed body language even when i'm not nervous, so i could probably do with this too.



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09 Jan 2012, 1:02 pm

It's silly to be nervous. Just think about it; Will they kill you?

Learn that other people's opinions and views about you don't matter. At all.


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OneStepBeyond
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09 Jan 2012, 1:04 pm

Kenjuudo wrote:
It's silly to be nervous. Just think about it; Will they kill you?

they actually might yknow



mv
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09 Jan 2012, 1:08 pm

Kenjuudo wrote:
It's silly to be nervous. Just think about it; Will they kill you?

Learn that other people's opinions and views about you don't matter. At all.


I don't give a fig for other people's opinions and views about me. That's not at all what makes me nervous. It's just having to interact with people, not their subsequent opinions. Does that make sense? I can't really explain it better than that.

I guess it's being forced to do something that's highly unnatural for me.



lostmyself
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09 Jan 2012, 11:05 pm

mv wrote:
Kenjuudo wrote:
It's silly to be nervous. Just think about it; Will they kill you?

Learn that other people's opinions and views about you don't matter. At all.


I don't give a fig for other people's opinions and views about me. That's not at all what makes me nervous. It's just having to interact with people, not their subsequent opinions. Does that make sense? I can't really explain it better than that.

I guess it's being forced to do something that's highly unnatural for me.


Plus all the noises around distract me or make me go into an overload. Its not because I feel threatened by the date. Specially if they're just the first few dates I've had with the person I can't explain why I do certain things pertaining to sensory overload etc. I keep tapping my head to clear it or stop overload. I guess it because of being different that I feel nervous. And if the date doesn't want to make conversation when I am not looking at him its really horrible. Someone who observes body language a lot is somewhat a threat.