I don't know if I even want to ever have sex.

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JNathanK
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17 Feb 2012, 4:57 am

It seems to complicate everything, and there's so much avarice involved in it. I've been told my whole life that I need to have sex and that its the highest expression of being and that I'm less than a person for not having it or whatever. I'm starting not to believe this and think that it might be a complete lie. I hear about so many bad relationships and divorces, and I don't see the value in pro-creating with the state that the world is in. I feel you get more value out of connecting with people on a strictly platonic, emotional level. If I die without having sex, I don't mind at this point. I don't think I'm missing out on a lot and that its, more or less, an over-rated experience. I'm sure maybe there's some amazing, intense erotic love that some people have had some of the time, but a lot of the time that's not even the case. I wish people could just love one another without trying to get something out of them, whether it be money, archetypal expectations, social status, etc, etc.

I'm just trying to focus on cultivating love in myself first, and I don't think I need to listen to mainstream society tell me I need to be dependent on someone else to have a sense of self worth. That's just rubbish.



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17 Feb 2012, 5:37 am

Bravo, dude. If our modern, materialistic, pleasure seeking society focused on love as much as it does sex, the world would be a better place. I wish more people felt like you.


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17 Feb 2012, 5:38 am

JNathanK wrote:
It seems to complicate everything, and there's so much avarice involved in it. I've been told my whole life that I need to have sex and that its the highest expression of being and that I'm less than a person for not having it or whatever. I'm starting not to believe this and think that it might be a complete lie. I hear about so many bad relationships and divorces, and I don't see the value in pro-creating with the state that the world is in. I feel you get more value out of connecting with people on a strictly platonic, emotional level. If I die without having sex, I don't mind at this point. I don't think I'm missing out on a lot and that its, more or less, an over-rated experience. I'm sure maybe there's some amazing, intense erotic love that some people have had some of the time, but a lot of the time that's not even the case. I wish people could just love one another without trying to get something out of them, whether it be money, archetypal expectations, social status, etc, etc.

I'm just trying to focus on cultivating love in myself first, and I don't think I need to listen to mainstream society tell me I need to be dependent on someone else to have a sense of self worth. That's just rubbish.


Highest expression of being? Whoever told you that is an idiot.



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17 Feb 2012, 5:43 am

Sex can be an awful lot of fun (and, yes, a highly profound experience regardless of romantic love), but only if you honestly feel compelled to engage in it.



auntblabby
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17 Feb 2012, 5:59 am

the resultant intensely ecstatic orgasms are life-affirming and health-enhancing.



Tom5
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17 Feb 2012, 6:23 am

Masturbation is better than sex in my opinion. Sex is also dangerous if you don't take care and you can also get many diseases from it.



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17 Feb 2012, 7:12 am

JNathanK wrote:
It seems to complicate everything, and there's so much avarice involved in it. I've been told my whole life that I need to have sex and that its the highest expression of being and that I'm less than a person for not having it or whatever. I'm starting not to believe this and think that it might be a complete lie. I hear about so many bad relationships and divorces, and I don't see the value in pro-creating with the state that the world is in. I feel you get more value out of connecting with people on a strictly platonic, emotional level. If I die without having sex, I don't mind at this point. I don't think I'm missing out on a lot and that its, more or less, an over-rated experience. I'm sure maybe there's some amazing, intense erotic love that some people have had some of the time, but a lot of the time that's not even the case. I wish people could just love one another without trying to get something out of them, whether it be money, archetypal expectations, social status, etc, etc.

I'm just trying to focus on cultivating love in myself first, and I don't think I need to listen to mainstream society tell me I need to be dependent on someone else to have a sense of self worth. That's just rubbish.
sex is awesome, but it should never be the focal point of a relationship, at least IMO.

you dont have to have sex to be somehow 'more of a person' whomever told you that is an idiot. period. dont get me wrong, its fun! but you arent going to somehow be more of a person if you have sex. virgin or not doesnt make you better, or worse. a lot of the time the term 'virgin' can actually be MORE appealing because then you have the 'excuse / reason' that you were 'saving yourself' for someone. i tried this, but i gave in eventually because i was just a little noob, in 'love' with a dumb girl. tbh i kinda wished i hadnt done it with her because she really wasnt that special in the end.

dont be closed off to the idea. desiring sex is normal, i think. i mean, at some level of 'connecting' with a girl (if thats what you want), there has to be 'chemistry' which is basically the BS term for 'mutual desire to have sex eventually', IMO.



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17 Feb 2012, 7:43 am

I feel like that too sometimes. If I ever have sex, I'll only do it with a girl I really love.
I have never understood - and probably never will - why some people can use others for sex and then toss them aside.
People are not oranges to be peeled, consumed and then dumped for the next fruit!



auntblabby
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17 Feb 2012, 8:21 am

the people who comfort themselves with the illusion that they are "saving" themselves for somebody, need to keep in mind that unpicked fruit only rots on the vine. use it or lose it. i'm old, and have but a fraction of the sex power [unavailed and frustrated] i had as a youth. i wish suzie silicone were around back then, i was born too early. :x



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17 Feb 2012, 8:28 am

JNathanK wrote:
It seems to complicate everything, and there's so much avarice involved in it. I've been told my whole life that I need to have sex and that its the highest expression of being and that I'm less than a person for not having it or whatever. I'm starting not to believe this and think that it might be a complete lie. I hear about so many bad relationships and divorces, and I don't see the value in pro-creating with the state that the world is in. I feel you get more value out of connecting with people on a strictly platonic, emotional level. If I die without having sex, I don't mind at this point. I don't think I'm missing out on a lot and that its, more or less, an over-rated experience. I'm sure maybe there's some amazing, intense erotic love that some people have had some of the time, but a lot of the time that's not even the case. I wish people could just love one another without trying to get something out of them, whether it be money, archetypal expectations, social status, etc, etc.

I'm just trying to focus on cultivating love in myself first, and I don't think I need to listen to mainstream society tell me I need to be dependent on someone else to have a sense of self worth. That's just rubbish.


Sex is definitely overrated in my experience. I had a few encounters with both genders (my female partners were prostitutes), and all of them were pretty awkward and unsatisfying. I mean, I had fun on a purely biological level, but I couldn't really relax and enjoy it.

I'm always tense and anxious around other people and also very clumsy. Sexual acrobatics are just not my thing. Even undressing in front of others already makes me nervous. Sex in a loving relationship might be more enjoyable, but I wouldn't know that. Anyway, judging from my own experience, I don't think that you're missing out on anything.

I agree with your point about bad relationships, breakups and divorces. It would be terrifying to be in a relationship and constantly having to prove my worth as a partner, if that makes any sense. If you slip up too often, forget birthdays and other special occasions, or lose your job and income, your partner might just decide that s/he can do better. I wouldn't want to live under that pressure.

I also feel no need to have children. I don't think that I'm qualified to raise a child, and I wouldn't want to propagate my particular set of genes. My DNA is too screwed up (not because of autism, there are other reasons).



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17 Feb 2012, 11:44 am

I get how you feel OP but I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum so I'm I'm very different from most people when it comes to sex


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17 Feb 2012, 12:53 pm

OP, even if you do decide that you don't ever want to have sex, that will not make you any more desirable.


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JNathanK
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17 Feb 2012, 4:25 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Highest expression of being? Whoever told you that is an idiot.


Nobody ever told me that explicitly. its just a constant message you get bombarded with through the media and society.



JNathanK
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17 Feb 2012, 4:28 pm

Tom5 wrote:
Masturbation is better than sex in my opinion. Sex is also dangerous if you don't take care and you can also get many diseases from it.



Oh, I don't masturbate either. Well, I haven't in 8 weeks or so.



JNathanK
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17 Feb 2012, 4:30 pm

PastFixations wrote:
OP, even if you do decide that you don't ever want to have sex, that will not make you any more desirable.


That's not the point. The point is to stop feeling bad or guilty about it. I could get a girlfriend and have had opportunities, but my subconscious, for some reason, never allowed me to. Its not so much a matter of appearing desirable in my case.



Last edited by JNathanK on 17 Feb 2012, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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17 Feb 2012, 4:32 pm

JNathanK wrote:
Oh, I don't masturbate either. Well, I haven't in 8 weeks or so.


Have you thought perhaps of hanging out on forums and societies with people who feel similarly?