I found out why my relationships fail

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I met with my ex today at a motorcycle expo. She wanted to enjoy what was left of her spring break to hang out with me and also i have not seen her in a long time. We remain good friends. We had a good time at the expo and we sat down at the end of it for a chat. I asked her what was the reason for breaking up with me.

She said that when we started dating, i was coming of very strong in being "close" with her. I would hold/hug her in ways that I thought were alright but to her made her feel very uncomfortable and make her feel nervous/afraid/uncomfortable. When i herd this, it knew it from my gut what was wrong but it took actual words to manifest what was the real problem. the problem that had lead for may last few relationships to go down the gutter.

The core problem: What i seek in a relationship is to find a sense of love and compassion that is similar to what i have within my family but i want to find it outside. When i used to show my mate how i cared, i tend to the intimate route. This would be on the level between 1st and 2nd base (i am using the "baseball" reference when it comes to relationships, here is a link to those who do not know what i am talking about [LINK]) where i would show my level of "interest". This approach has been nothing but disastrous for me and has left me scared to the point to where true love only happens in the movies/books/etc., I fell like i completely blew my chances of finding true romance and that i will forever be in this cycle of failure. I have alot of love to give and i am not a bad guy.

What i have learned: I must not come so strong at the start of a relationship. Let the other person know you for while before you make the moves. I must be aware of how a person in with in a relationship. Reading other peoples emotions is one of my social weaknesses as an aspie that has lead to my relationship downfall but it is something i am going to correct once and for all now that i have understood and acknowledged the problem that has plagued me for so long and I am hopeful this new revelation leads me to the relationship i have longed for so much.

My ex has forgiven me and out of this experience, I am giving myself a second chance. We still remain friends.

They say that knowing is half the battle!

gi-joe

I'm really happy that you wound up discovering this for yourself While Catman does have a point, you now have put yourself in a place where there's a lesser chance for things to go wrong! It's also good to hear you're wanting to work on these aspects to get better!! I'm kinda in the same boat myself! Hope you discover more things like this later! Let us know how things go

Cyberfox,

That is really awesome that she was comfortable enough with you & you guys' friendship now and honest enough with you to gently tell you.

That is a real blessing to have, as an Aspie, I imagine.

I hope you expressed to her your thanks and appreciation for that. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

Best wishes and luck to you in the future!

I have my flaws and i want to better myself in whatever way i can. I am the type of person to give myself a self diagnosis on what is right and what is wrong in my life and what i can do to keep at whats working and fix what is not.

Yes, i did tell her thank you.

Well at least its not that you're too stupid to know when someones just pretending to be interested. Its possible you might find a female who likes more affection. I broke up with a guy I dated in highschool partially because he was a bit to clingy.....I don't really like constant touch I kind of need my space so yeah but I know some girls like that sort of thing a lot more.

That would be my recommendation. I'm pretty clingy & affectionate too within a relationship but I'm not like that in the very beginning; it develops as I get closer emotionally to my partner. Trying to keep my distance/hold myself back some when I want to be more close & affectionate put a strain on me & caused me to feel hurt after a while in my last relationship. I think I'd be better with someone who's more clingy, affectionate & needy to the extreme level(even a lot more so than me & at the very beginning of the relationship) than someone who's less than average. Now if anyone has any tips on how to find a woman like that; I don't know about cyberfox but I really need them

Keep in mind that not many girls like guys that are overly clingy or romantic, it can come off as desperate and needy. You need to take an approach that doesn't scream like you are seeking their approval, an approach that shows you have value and independence in yourself without them. If you are too clingy or emotionally dependent, it will give your partner the chance to define the dynamics of the relationships and she might lose attraction for you.

Also it's good that you have accepted responsibility and you are aware that you have difficulty reading emotions, the best advice for you is to find someone that can make a compromise and be patient when it comes to understanding your emotions and why you might sometimes respond differently than expected.

Not coming on too strong at the beginning of a relationship is a very good lesson to learn indeed.

Glad you learned this lesson.
For myself, I'm the opposite. I try to go very slow, which can be seen as "Too insecure" by many females. Plus, the body language thing is a real CHALLENGE for me. I know what smiles & frowns mean. Anything else...
Is a giant ? for me. I don't know when to initiate touch with a woman. Something I'm STILL working on.

Sincerely,
Matthew

And even that's a problem because there's fake smiles and frowns of concentration. It's just so confusing...

I think it's a very good idea for me not to come on too strong in the beginning of a relationship. Hell, I probably come on to strong in my friendships...

I think relationships fail because it's as simple as two people eventually becoming bored of each other and wanting to leave each other, but neither actually wanting to put it so bluntly so they come up with silly reasons.

I'm right there with you. This was a very big issue for me too. I was very quick to "fall in love" and became very clingy. Oh, how it made the girls run.