Mr. no text back has texted back.

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04 Mar 2012, 4:59 pm

We're not assuming anything. All that you say spells out very clearly to us that this guy is using you, as plain as day. You need to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. He is not misunderstood. If he wanted to know you for who you are, he wouldn't have taken as long as a week to text you back, let alone two.

Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 4:59 pm

Tequila wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

You don't know that for sure, you've given your opinion......now it seems like you're just trying to upset me so you're welcome to leave the thread if you'd like.

Ignore him and see what happens. I suspect if you tell him you're not interested in sex with him any more and leave it at that you'll never hear from him again.

yeah that is already what I said I was going to do...a couple pages back I believe it was.

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hyperlexian
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04 Mar 2012, 5:01 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.

Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.

i don't judge you for that (i had a one night stand turn into a marriage, after all), and i don't think he pressured you. HOWEVER it explains his pattern of behaviour. most guys probably would not act like him, but i definitely have experienced situations with people like that.

he didn't contact you because he didn't need to. he got everything he wanted. he got sex when he wanted it, and solitude when he wanted that too. now he probably wants sex again (though he would NEVER admit that outright), and so he is back talking to you.

he is only going to put in the amount of work that he absolutely has to do in order to get what he wants. he doesn't know yet that you are thinking you might be asexual. so as far as he knows you're still available for a booty call. you can try telling him about your feelings but if you sound even *slightly* uncertain about being asexual he will probably think that he can convince you to have sex again.

i think you need to listen to your instincts. you had sex with him then decided you may be asexual. also, one time you had a panic attack on your way over to his house and had to turn around. and then now you are posting on here instead of just texting him. you are giving yourself signals.

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mv
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04 Mar 2012, 5:01 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

mv wrote:

Except that, probabilistically, he's lying to you, relegating you to the back burner, using you, etc. For you to continue to entertain him, to engage him, is just feeding the drama. There's no point to it. None.

999 out of 1,000, this guy is absolutely doing what I say above. Think to yourself: in what way could I have scored that 1 out of 1000 times? Nobody is that special. Nobody. Not him, and not you.

He is manipulating you. Please, please try to see it. It absolutely is better to have NOTHING going on than these scraps. That's what you (and everyone who's been there) need to internalize.

So there is never the possibility a dude has a sh** load of crap to deal with and don't exactly want to text a girl they don't know to well and have only hung out with a couple times about it so they wait a while before texting back. I am saying if its something like that I don't want to just not respond at all.......sorry I guess.

Ultimately, you're going to do what you want to do. It's just: when you posted about this guy before, I told you what would happen, and it did.

I hope you make the right decision for your self, your conscience, your body, and your self-esteem.

No, it's not possible for a guy to have that much s**t on his plate, to ignore someone he considers special. Ah, but you aren't that, are you? Not to him, anyway. And now you're reinforcing it. That's what I'm saying. If that is TRULY enough for you, then keep on doing what you're doing. But you can't talk us into endorsing your decision. Some of us have been down that road, and we know all the potholes and dropoffs.

I'm seriously not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to get you to see what's likely in his (limited) brain.

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04 Mar 2012, 5:04 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.

Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.

No I had a panic attack when I was at my friends house and headed back down to my moms house, and got off the bus before it left. It had nothing to do with that.

Also why do you not even consider the things I said he said he was having to deal with, I mean I was already clear he was going to be rather busy with that.....I just figured he would have texted back sooner. I guess to me its hard to just overlook some factors.

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04 Mar 2012, 5:16 pm

because if he is having sex with you then you deserve some form of contact from him regardless of what is going on. it doesn't matter if he was in court every single day and in therapy every single night and at his mom's funeral on the weekend. he could still take 2.5 seconds to send a text. otherwise, you are at the very bottom of his priority list.

sorry, i got one of the stories mixed up.

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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 5:42 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

Alright that is true, I guess perhaps he is not at the top of my priority list either so I don't feel I would be to hurt by texting him back and seeing what he has to say. I mean I just have to know for whatever reason, otherwise I'll never be able to stop thinking about it.

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Tequila
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04 Mar 2012, 5:52 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

I mean I just have to know for whatever reason, otherwise I'll never be able to stop thinking about it.

And what do you think you'll get when you do text him? More lies and BS, probably.

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04 Mar 2012, 5:52 pm

Tequila wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

I mean I just have to know for whatever reason, otherwise I'll never be able to stop thinking about it.

And what do you think you'll get when you do text him? More lies and BS, probably.

I'll find out.

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bucephalus
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04 Mar 2012, 8:53 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Tequila wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

I mean I just have to know for whatever reason, otherwise I'll never be able to stop thinking about it.

And what do you think you'll get when you do text him? More lies and BS, probably.

I'll find out.

I'll apologise in advance: It seems there is more information about sweetleaf and this guy that I am unaware of in other threads. So forgive me for taking the information on this thread at face value. If I was SL i'd text the guy, curiosity always gets the better of me in these situations. In fact, Sweetleaf, you've responded in this thread in exactly the same way as I would in your shoes. A kind hearted person defending a bad idea vigorously, or at least something that's perceived to be a bad idea.

I feel that with this lack of the aforementioned information I'm in danger of giving you some dangerous advice. So I'll just say, maybe best not to grill the guy about why he's not texted back for so long - it implies that you've noticed ;) keep us in the loop one way or the other

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Sweetleaf
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05 Mar 2012, 12:01 am

Alright I guess there is no real relationship potential, so whatever...at least now I know. And now I don't have to explain my lack of a sex drive or my worsening mental state...less stress for me.

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conundrum
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05 Mar 2012, 12:18 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

...at least now I know.

Exactly.

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05 Mar 2012, 11:27 am

conundrum wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

...at least now I know.

Exactly.

Yeah and I appreciate the honesty on his part......he said things probably would not work with dating but we could still screw around, not sure I am very interested in that though so I imagine I'll have to say that. I don't exactly want to take 3 buses for that, so I'd say its time to move on.

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hyperlexian
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05 Mar 2012, 2:01 pm

well, at least you got some closure. sorry it ddin't result in anything positive. his behaviour unfortunately fit a certain pattern.

i am a little concerned that you are saying "not sure I am very interested in that though". as you seem uncertain. since you think you might be asexual, and since he treated you badly, and since you would have to take 3 buses, i am not sure why you would even consider that situation at all. what's in it for you?

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05 Mar 2012, 2:06 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

I am not considering it, that's what I meant...just haven't decided what to text him back to be clear I'm not interested in that. Also, I don't consider that too horrible I mean its not like we had discussed making our relationship official in any way. We only hung out one weekend and one night over the next week. He's not intrested in a relationship and isn't pretending he is just to get sex. he was honest and left it up to me and I'm not intrested in that so if he has a problem with that he'll just have to get over it.

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05 Mar 2012, 4:08 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

I am not considering it, that's what I meant...just haven't decided what to text him back to be clear I'm not interested in that. Also, I don't consider that too horrible I mean its not like we had discussed making our relationship official in any way. We only hung out one weekend and one night over the next week. He's not intrested in a relationship and isn't pretending he is just to get sex. he was honest and left it up to me and I'm not intrested in that so if he has a problem with that he'll just have to get over it.

Bravo!!

seriously you have no idea how happy it makes me to see someone make a decision like that
half the bullcrap my female friends go through could all be avoided if they just thought more like that(in bold)

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