How do you move on?

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I have time to think about my coarse of action. How ever I do need to come up with a plain just the same. I'm in a failed twenty+ year relation. I had other relations but they both were abruptly ended by deaths. I don't have a clue how to act or what to do. I hate being alone but yet I am alone and around people now. Its like Ive been in prison so long that the walls are comforting. What to do when I'm free I don't have a clue Ive been taken from age fifteen till now. How do you move on? How do you deal with a empty "home? How do you know when you find the right one?

Just a lost soul asking, kind of pathetic and depressing coming from a 35 year old.

I was amazed to see this post, because it matches my thoughts and feelings at this very moment. I'd also like to know the answer.

Sorry to hear

I don´t really get if you still are in the relationship or you have split up (sorry, might be my inability to grasp non verbal clues, and that english is not my first language).

Standing there at the moment (and for the past months). Cheating ex. husband left several months ago. It has been a very rough ride and it ain´t finished yet. Sitting with myself (and sometimes the children) in an empty house.

Difficult to say anything when I don´t understand the exact situation. If you are going to leave, do it the nice/decent way, don´t do like my ex did

Whenever I've been in a painful breakup, I did't look for another long term partner right away because I knew it wouldn't work. I looked for a transition guy. Somebody to hang out with, date nonseriously, and take care of those pesky physical needs for a while. I let him know up front that it wasn't going to be long term, otherwise it's just mean to do that.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Going on 3 years since +10y marriage ended... Still not sure how to get over her. She treated me like a tool, not a companion... yet I still miss her? [sigh]

I think I just need to have someone to love, I guess. I've had some great help and a wonderful counselor... I'm mostly ready to try again but "normal" people have an unspoken rule about not bringing up previous relationships and since it's 12-15 years of my life, it's rather hard to leave out.

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One day at a time and remembering all the times they said or did things to make me feel I was the problem helped rationalize we were not good together. It took nine months for me to stop being angry about the sacrifices and what I had lost. I am in a relationship now after 10yrs since the divorce. This person celebrates my uniqueness rather than berating.

i was in a similar situation where i am separated from my former husband yet living in the same house. it's been over a year already and i will be moving out in a month or so. we filed for divorce while still living together (but separately).

what worked for me in terms of moving on was to put aside my bruised ego and remember that i was equally at faulty for everything that went wrong. there is a complex interplay of factors that led to the demise of the relationship. it's easy to point a finger at the other person, when in fact a failing marriage is more like a a slowly crumbling house than a rapidly falling house of cards. there is usually a precipitating factor that leads to the ultimate split, but if the couple digs deeper there are inevitably factors from both sides that led to the end.

also, trying out couples' therapy helped, and talking to each other helped. basically by attempting everything possible prior to calling it quits, so that both parties feel satisfied that nothing can be salvaged. even if therapy doesn't fix anything, it can help a person to heal and exit gracefully.

leaving a marriage is a bit of a grieving process, and it's important to address your feelings head-on and learn to cope with the fact it is over. at some point once you are ready, closing the door on the possibility of reconciliation will be a big step. it will help if you seek support from friends and family instead of depending too much on your former spouse. at this point, there isn't much chance that they can really help you heal your broken heart. there needs to be an emotional disengagement to some degree, even if you stay on friendly terms.

I'd trade places with you, OP, in a heartbeat. I'd give anything for a failed relationship, because I'd at least have known I was capable of starting one. Not to mention I would've loved to get to enjoy all these things I see around me I've never experienced, like holding hands, cuddling. Making love goes without saying.

Be grateful you had a relationship. And know you can find another.