Is he just being friendly?

Post Reply New Topic

Because I honestly cannot tell.

He's an acquaintance from a class that I had, and we have the same professor that we know very well. He and I ran into each other the other day and chatted and then parted ways, and I thought nothing of it.

Then he asks if we can hang out and get lunch.
So we do. Just friendly, right?

At the end, he asks if we can do this next week. I say sure.
Just friendly, right?

Then, he randomly starts texting me.
Just friendly, right?????

I'm only reading into this because I have read that if someone does this out of the blue that it means something. I don't have any other way of gauging what he is intending. Really. I don't.
I don't know if I'm attracted either. I don't really get attracted...weird.

randomly starts texting you, did you give him your number or did he just somehow have it?

I gave it to him because...well...I don't remember why, or when he asked for it.

Oh dear. I AM clueless.

It isn't odd for friends to have each others numbers for texting, I just meant it would be weird if he had your phone number and you hadn't given it to him

Do you like this man? Do you find him creepy? Have you thought of, well, just biting the bullet and asking him what he intends?

When you say "Is he just being friendly?" I guess you mean ....."or is he interested in me as a partner"

He might very well want you as a partner. More likely, he wants to get to know you better, with some idea of maybe becoming your partner if you get on well. The only question left is, how much does he want you? Maybe only a little bit, maybe a lot. But he's obviously interested in communicating with you a lot, and it doesn't look like it's because of any work you have to do together, unless that's all you're discussing. I don't think he'd put as much energy into it if he was just being friendly.

I think it's very unlikely that his intentions are completely platonic. I don't think most guys are capable of feeling 100% platonic about most girls, especially if they talk with them and find out that they get on well. If he already had a serious partner, he would be already committing mild emotional infidelity with you, though some people wouldn't think it was wrong, there are a lot of different standards these days.

I suppose the simplest answer is that he probably doesn't himself know if he's just being friendly or not. It's too early for him to decide "I definitely want to be her boyfriend" or "I just want to be casual friends." But he's doing exactly what I hope I would do if I was interested in you like that.

You're not being clear about what the problem is. Are you just curious? Do you want something to happen? Do you want to make sure something doesn't? Are you worried there's something not genuine about the friendship? I can only guess.

If he's not saying and you're not asking, there is no way to know for certain whether he's interested or not. It's an information blackout. Unless somebody turns the light on, the room will stay dark.

The problem is, is that I don't know. I like to know where I stand with someone. I don't know if he's interested romantically. I am not interested back, but it would be nice to know if he's "trying me out."

Is that more helpful?

It all comes down to the same thing though, doesn't it? You won't know unless you ask.

I guess you're right.
If he asks me to go to lunch a third time, I'm gonna ask.

That's the line.
Does that seem reasonable???

You're presuming he knows one way or the other, which may or may not be the case. It's possible he's spending time with you to find out, himself.

It's not necessarily a black and white thing. It's possible for it to be - perhaps he has no intent at all, perhaps he does. But there's a big gray area in between.

Also, interest, and intent, can be two different things. I've been friends with women I've been interested in but never had any intention towards. Their company was simply pleasing, and I wasn't so interested that I felt like I had to do anything about it. Since I had no intent, I didn't feel it was important to mention that and make things awkward. I wouldn't have objected if something happened, but I wouldn't do anything to make it happen either; this was probably the most common scenario I had with female friends and acquaintances. In many cases, I've even had a mild interest but at the same time a definite and certain non-intent under any circumstances, because of practical considerations - but they were still pleasant to spend time with, so I did. When a man and a woman (hetero) are friends there will almost always be some degree of sexual tension, but it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything.

Sometimes it just is what it is. *shrugs*